Fail to express my feelings

I am in a long distance relationship for past three years. We live in different countries. My life revolves around him. He is my happiness. And to see him smile I would go through anything. I let him live his life his way. He asked me if it's okay with me if he goes around with other girls. I replied to him saying " if thats what make you happy go ahead. I can't stop you from being happy. Your happiness is my happiness" I told him if he is sleeping with some other girl, he should get close to her, as in get emotionally attached or say I love you. I know he loves me the most. And I was in impression that he would never do that. Recently, he told me that he has slept with 10-15 girls. He was happy that he can share all his feelings to me. But later I realised I am not able to take it anymore. It hurts me. He remembers the day he had his craziest pick up but he doesn't remember that it was my birthday. I didn't mind him not wishing on my birthday thinking he must be busy in work but he was sleeping with a girl. I made him feel comfortable when he said sorry for not wishing... But now when I know it was because of a girl. I feel heartbroken. He says sex and food are same..you can't stick on to the same food forever you need change. And I agreed. Now it hurts me. And I can't express him this because I told him his happiness is mine. He wants to marry me and I know he loves me. He has sex with other girls for fun. I am losing my tolerance and this is resulting in small arguments these days which I am ashamed of..And he says I am changed..I tried conveying to him that it hurts me and he replied saying I was pretending to liberal to him and he is a fool to share is secrets with me. I feared the break up so I deviated the discussion saying it hurts but I can tolerate because I know how much he loves me...I feel lonely and insecure. I literally don't have friends around me..I am getting depressed and having sleepless nights. I don't know what to do...

I am not sure if what you have posted is supposed to be a joke!! OR if it is actually a GENUINE problem!! What can I say apart from, I bet every man wished he had a girlfriend like you! Your boyfriend has hit the jackpot!!!! You love your boyfriend that much where you have allowed him to sleep with other women just so that you can see him happy!. He has told you that women are like food, you can't eat the same thing everyday so that is why he needs to sleep with different women!! You are happy for him to become emotionally attached to other women but deep down you know he will still love you the most!!!!! You have just created (in your own strange world) a new meaning to the word 'love'! This is crazy! Absurd!!! Ridiculous!!!

No, you were not pretending to be liberal-minded. Back then you weren't emotionally attached nor thought you wanted to be (commitment-shy) so it was easy to be so accommodating. Since then, you've grown more and more emotionally dependent on him (repetition of interaction will do that). So you haven't moved the goalposts; it's the pitch that's moved thus the goalposts along with it. So why haven't his own feelings changed on that score? Look at it this way: two commitmentphobics meet, feel an affinity from spotting each other's mental wheelchairs, only user 1 (you) isn't aware that user 2 is PERMANENTLY chairbound whereas she's just recovering from an injury. Ber-bom. Doesn't help, the fact you lack friends, so I'd have thought that should be your priority so that you can judge this or any future situation on its own merits rather than on how it manages/keeps at bay your gaping hunger. Were it me, I'd be singing along to Whitney: "I'd rather be a-lone than un-ha-ppy". People merely with friendship vacancies can attract others who have a vacancy, but people who are miserable as sin can't. Hope that helps.