Pursuing closure / an apology

I have a female friend of mine that I became attracted to gradually over the course of a year. We're both active duty Navy and I was stationed with her in Bahrain. I am now stationed in Mississippi and her in Florida. She came to Mississippi (her home state) back in June while I was there and we hung out for a couple days before she ended up leaving to go back to Florida. Over the year that I've known her and became more comfortable around her, I playfully flirted and teased her and she played along and did not try to stop me at all, even though at the time we were in Bahrain she was going through a messy divorce at the time. When we saw each other in June, I finally let her know how I felt about her and I got a kind of vague, unclear response that told me that she was going through a divorce, along with issues with settling on a home in Florida, along with other random financial issues. Keep in mind though that this didn't seem to be an issue in Bahrain when she mentioned "talking" to guys but it never seemed to go anywhere because many a time she expressed to me how tired of being single she was. Fast forward to July of this year and she calls me and tells me I need to move on from her, citing the divorce thing and the fact that she's stationed in a deployable unit in Florida. I can accept this. The problem came when she said (and I quote, at least pretty close to verbatim) "Even in a perfect world, we wouldn't work out because you have no confidence, not even a little bit". This devastated me and I became very defensive, not to the point where I verbally attacked her or used profanity. Over the course of getting to know each other, I let her know about my personal demons (self-esteem issues from the past, hang-ups with dating, etc) because I thought that's what friends do to become closer to each other? It felt like she used all that information against me. While I was kind of quiet and awkward around her when I first met her, I gradually developed a level of comfort around her to where I felt very confident around her when I semi-frequently went out with her to eat while we were in Bahrain. It just didn't seem fair for her to say something like that and it came off as very hurtful, despite the fact that she stated that she was trying to be constructive and help me out. A couple days later into July, I text her about this in the middle of the night, stating that it came off as hurtful and she didn't like it. She got upset and (I thought) threatened to walk out of my life completely (which I later found out that she was just upset at the time and did not want to talk about it @ the moment). The thought of losing her, even as just a friend, devastated me and was not what I wanted to happen. I sent a couple texts to her stating that I was going to kill myself and when she responded, I did not answer, leading her to believe that I actually did or was going to go through with the act (in reality I did nothing to myself). I had a very, manipulative, evil moment that I am not proud of at all. She ends up calling my command and I spent the night in the hospital where I told them I was fine and was just doing that to try to guilt trip her. Nothing happens. I was diagnosed with depression (due to an unreleated issue to this one) late 2013 and was put on meds. I prematurely stopped taking them around April 2014 for various, stupid reasons without doctor supervision. The depression came back once I went through this situation I am detailing about this female. I got back on the meds and am fine right now. I feel more balanced now. Should I confront her and ask her for an apology due to her "confidence" statement? I thought I had put it in the past but I talked to her recently and she mentioned she was coming back to MS soon to visit family and the thought of it brought all those old feelings of resentment, etc back up again. Also, we talked after the guilt trip thing with the suicide attempt and she forgave me for it so there is no bad blood between us. I feel more balanced emotionally about this and it's telling that even on the meds, I still feel that her comments were hurtful. Should I bring this dead horse back up again, even though it happened back in July but is still bothering me?

Let it go. I don't know what her problem is but it just can't end well for you if you ask for an apology or if you shout at her for it. Even if she does apologize, it's probably because she doesn't want another fight. Yes, you were hurt. But that's something that happens when you reveal too much about your self to the wrong person. Just leave it behind and go on. If she does pull anything else like where she betrays your trust, you can go ahead and confront her about this.

This woman basically is trying to get over her messy divorce. She's in no state to get close with someone else. She could have stated of how tired she was of being single but that doesn't mean she was/is ready to date again. When you receive a vague and unclear response from any woman after you have told them how you feel about them, then it's telling you that while you may have feelings, they don't. It's impossible for you to tell this woman about your past when her head space and emotions from her divorce are all over the place. You mention a dead horse,.. bury the thing for good and move on from it.

I just want an apology and an acknowledgement that her statement about me not being confident was not a blanket statement. Was I not confident when I was out with her and making her laugh? Was I not confident when I let her know that I had her back no matter what? Its just rubbing me the wrong way and I feel like I need closure. I'm on antidepressants this time around so I don't think my actions or emotions will get out of control too badly like last time, to the point where I feign or actually become suicidal again. I don't plan to come off aggressive or angry either and I fully accept the divorce/geographical issues. I'm not looking to be with her still but at least take some accountability for letting me flirt with you for so long without saying anything (all the while "not being ready to date"), having all this fun with me and just disregarding it by saying "you're not confident".

Facemob, the next woman you meet could think you're assertive, confident, out there, exciting and I could go on and on. This woman didn't think that and she was honest enough to say it. Let's face it, there's plenty (people) out there who wouldn't be honest with you and at the end of the day, it was just HER opinion of your confidence levels. Her circumstances are pretty fragile if she's going through the pain of a messy divorce and you need to realize you can't make her apologize or even get her to take her thoughts there. Frankly, if any gender said that to me then I would ask myself why they said that, and then, no matter if I was confident or not, I would strive to better myself in every way. In your case, I would let my actions speak rather than waiting for her words. I would prove her wrong by my actions. But I still wouldn't expect an apology from her. I would be a far better man for it and I would be proving to myself that I can cop it on the chin with the best of them. And, I say it again, you mentioned a dead horse....bury the thing for good. If you can't, then you will lose her friendship and if you continue down this path, it's basically saying just how much value you place on her friendship.

Update: I called her earlier today and discussed this and I can happily say that everything worked out! I calmly and succinctly explained my side of the issue, how I felt that she used the whole "confidence" thing as a blanket, excuse-like statement to erase the good times we had when we went out with each other, etc etc. Neither one of us raised our voices at any point. She was calm, understanding, and apologized. She had stated that what she was getting at is that I seemed uncomfortable with being single and/or not being able to handle being alone and it's understandable (though by that logic, everybody that's on dating websites aren't confident either because you have to be uncomfortable with being single to sign up for a dating website but I digress). I made sure to let her know that I'm in a much better place now mentally and emotionally and she could tell that and even said that she was happy for me. I can see the points made in previous posts but I just believe that there's a good way and a crappy way of saying anything. Instead of "You have no confidence at all, not even a little bit" I would've been ok with "I really enjoy your company and like you as a person but in my opinion, you should work on yourself a bit more before you enter a relationship because I need to do so too (with my divorce situation, etc etc)". THAT sounds a million times better because it's not so black & white. It acknowledges that she still thinks I'm a good guy but also just nudges me to improve myself in a way that she thinks will help me. It just sounds more constructive. But anyway, thanks for the responses everyone.