Girlfriend needs time to learn to be indepdendent

Hello everyone, Recently I broke up with my girlfriend of 7 months. We both go to the same college and are getting ready to start our sophomore year. She was my first serious girlfriend, and it was rather devastating for myself to have lost her. I'd like to believe we had a fantastic relationship, we got along very well, our respective families liked our significant other, we live close enough to each other that we saw each other once a week. Overall I felt the relationship was very solid, but of course there had to be a reason for us to break up. Several months ago my girlfriend told me she wanted to try and be more independent and experience the "college" life. We went on a "break", although she later clarified that it was, in fact, a break up, for 3 or so weeks. I was stupid and brash and I tried everything I could to change her mind. During our break up, she slept with two other guys, one of which she met on Tinder and went on several dates with. According to hearsay from our mutual friend, she seemed incredibly happy to be with this guy, up until he pressured her to have sex and then told her that was all he was looking for. My girlfriend told me about this, and I guess while she was hurt and devastated, I took the chance and we got back together again. The next few months were fantastic, and our relationship returned to normal. This breakup, however, left my self esteem in shambles. I had numerous self doubts about myself, and I was so scared that she would sleep with someone else. I let these thoughts stew until I reached a breaking point 3 weeks ago and I told her that I was feeling terrible and sometimes I would try and manipulate her for cheap affection and affirmation of her love and I didn't trust her at times. I was mostly talking out of my ass and I was just upset, but She was understandably hurt and she told me she had to think about us. Long story short, I was still stupid and I let my friends egg me on and I said more hurtful things I didn't mean and we broke up. I know our relationship was incredibly rushed, I think we told eachother we loved one another 2 or 3 weeks after we started dating. We had been very close friends prior to dating, however. Being young and so stupidly in love, we'd sometimes talk about getting married someday, or having kids, she even brought up what she wanted to name our kids. At first I was a little taken aback by her attachment and affection, but eventually I learned to love it and give the same amount of affection back, so I was still a confused and I felt like it came out of left field when she told me that she didn't want to settle down right now and didn't want to be in a serious relationship. We've both cooled our heads, me especially, and in the past few days she's told me that she still loves me, and she wants to try again in the future. After she learns how to be independent, after she learns how to live on her own, after she experiences college. I am not a patient person, but I told her I would wait for her. Because I honestly do believe she's worth waiting for. And I know that it might be because she's my first real love, and I'm young and inexperienced, but honestly she's the only girl I see in my future. I asked her if she could try and not date or sleep with other guys, full well knowing that I didn't really have any authority or say in the matter, because I thought it would be helpful for her if she actually wanted to learn how to be independent and strong individually to not depend at all on the attention and affection of a guy, but she got mad at me and told me it's her life and she can do whatever she wants. She eventually cooled down when I explained myself more. I'm just at a loss. I know that I should move on, and accept the fact that if she does come back, that's fantastic, and if she doesn't, oh well. But I am young, and stubborn, and impatient and how badly do I want her back. I know that even if I win her back now, she'll only have these thoughts again in the future and I'll be left feeling devastated again, but I can't help myself from wanting to be with her, right here, right now. She said she still wanted to be friends, and at this point in time it hurts too much to see her knowing that I've lost her. I understand this situation was probably unavoidable. I know that in time, I'll move on and time will fly by when school starts, but right now every day is just so long. I'm taking this time apart to improve myself too, exercising more, reading more, learning a new instrument, hanging out with friends, but the hours are still just so long. So I guess what I'm asking is, how do you deal with this situation? Do I not talk to her at all? Do I just act like we're still friends? As silly as the question is, is there a reasonable time I should wait before trying to pursue her again? Do I not contact her at all? Any other advice? If anyone has any relevant stories to tell me just to ease my mind, that would be great too. Thank you all so much.

You have answered your own questions in your post. You basically need to mature and the good thing is, is that you recognize this. You are diverting your energy into positive things..you are starting to mature but it won't happen overnight. You need to take your thoughts further about your gf and your whole situation. She may be young as well, and I'm sorry, but that doesn't excuse her from sleeping with 2 guys when you were on a "break". No small wonder that your self esteem was a shambles. In fact, your relationship was over then. If you have let her go, then you have let her go and she's right, once you've let her go, then it's her life to lead. You can't control her by putting stipulations on her. In a nutshell, you need to forget about her and concentrate on your own life. Put your effort into yourself. As hard as it is, put her out of your mind. If you can state here that you'll move on, then you know that you will. In time, you will possibly see that what was happened in the recent past with her, and the situation you now find yourself in, is one of the many learning curves of life. Your challenge is to recognize it, once you do, then you will be really living.

Yes I agree with Manalone but would add. You both are very young and I can understand your ex gf wants to experience 'college' life but if her idea of experience entails 'sleeping around' then you really do need to question the 'relationship'. So what happens after her 'experience'? Are you just a back up plan for her incase she does not meet another man or incase another man does not take her seriously? And lets say she does come back to you after her 'experience', will she want to have the same 'time out' when she starts work? I only say the above IF you plan on waiting for her. Her actions are not of a gf who is 'in love' with her bf (you). What she wants from other men, she can clearly get from you. You are her age too but you have not said you want to 'sleep around' with other girls, why? Because you love your gf. If I were you, I would not call her, not get in contact with her and start focusing on perhaps another girl. She knows she can contact you whenever she feels and you will go running, whether she has been around with 1 man or 10 so why should she contact you in a hurry? I really do hope you find the strenght to move on and let go of this woman. You deserve better and if you really do put your feelings to aside for her, I bet you will find better.