Should we try again or call it a day?

Myself and my husband of 12 years have drifted apart so much. I have fallen out of love with him. He wants us to continue to work through things but I am finding it so difficult to make the necessary efforts. Weekends are just a disaster I can never get it right - if I suggest the cinema he'll say it's so that I don't have to talk to him. If we go out with friends he'll say that I ignore him and at the weekend he said I wouldn't come home when he asked - I was just saying good bye to friends. He very nearly went home without me! Even when we have a pleasant conversation it turns into a discussion about our marriage and inevitably a row. He always accuses me of fancying other men and is suspicious of male friends who might comment on Facebook etc. He's also jealous if I enjoy time with female friends and as for girls nights out that really puts him in bad form as he suspects I'm up to all sorts. I'm friendly and outgoing but hand on heart I have never given him cause to mistrust me. He also constantly tells me I don't respect him I don't agree with this statement. The more we argue the further apart we grow but yet I just don't seem to have the courage to call it off. I'm scared of separation but I'm also scared of staying in the relationship. I feel that giving it another go is just kicking our problems down the road a little further. I don't think his need to control, his insecurities, his resentment of my independence will change. We have been to counceling and while I found it helped he didn't. The councillor pointed out the control thing etc and he felt that she was constantly 'having a go' at him. She is a very professional lady and any accredited counciler would not 'take sides' and give one party a hard time. He is convinced that it's only a matter of time that when I'm not in love with him that my attentions will turn elsewhere. I just feel so worn down by all of this we're going around in circles. I just don't know how to get this back right and to enjoy his company again and to love him again. This indifference I feel is also having a negative effect on the physical side of the relationship needless to say. If we break up I know he'd b so devasted and I worry that he wouldn't play fair when separating and I worry too about our children and how our parents would cope. He wants an instant fix - that's not possible it will take time. Hope some of you can enlighten me on this.

Yes I suppose he has. I tolerated it for a long time - then when the kids were small we didn't go out much etc. Last year I started playing a team sport (all ladies) which has lead to a better social life we go out as a group every 6 weeks or so. In the past I have made excuses not to go on hen nights or other events as I knew it would upset him. But now I'm not prepared to compromise being me anymore and I want to go where I want to go and have fun. Yes he's has suffered depression in the past but he says he's through it now, it has had it's effect on both of us and is a lot of the cause of us drifting apart. I just can't see that we'll grow old together - you know when your with someone a long time and you can just be comfortable with each other without necessarily having to say much - well in that situation he will complain that I have no interest in talking to him when really I just feel like being quiet. In the evening times if I'm doing chores and getting things ready for school and work the next day he'll say I'm being evasive ! He hates me checking my phone he thinks I spend far too much time on it - I disagree. Out with the kids last Sunday he said that I wasn't walking beside him I was always 5 paces behind - I was stoping to look at stuff with my little girl. I feel that I'm in trouble at every turn I never get it right - all these things seem so petty but they drive me mad.