Unsure of relationship

I'm feeling like crap coming back from breakfast. I'm trapped around with a bunch of boring idiots! And I've been tabooed from voicing out this opinion as it is not 'apt sounding' or pleasing. Its always the contradiction-- what we seek the most is denied and not given at all! And then there is this my partner...who can please himself with endless amount of disgusting "jokes" and be anything but erudite! It fills me with helpless anger…I do not get the liberty to tell what I want, without being pleasant. I could be labelled materialistic . I dont believe in sacrificing either. Why would people struggle to read body language and understand subtle hints along? Why shd we be put thru the burden of telling them how they disgust us at times? And when we are silent and trying to heal from the situation , we are forced and attacked with all the counteractive statements and put thru to listen to their unpleasantness!! I prefer my companion to interpret me and make it easy for me, not complicate the already existing challenges of the mundane. And after taking tough decisions and voicing out , we are only rebelled against our opinion, with nobody attempting to understand our picture! Is it a crime to expect a fair amount of sense of humour and maturity in a relationship? Why does it need explicit demanding? Is it worth the demand? And for someone who never devotes time to study me or talk intricate/engaging me, would the relationship survive? Why does it feel one sided? Why is being romantic being passed off as a joke, and expressions considered too stringent? How would I respect a person when they make no effort to impress me??? And how would love happen without respect? And how he know that I badly want to respect him, but he giving me no opportunity to respect? And if I speak it that way, respect would never come out of demanding it, it shd be comanded upon! Why are my dreams so silly to him? Is it worth it? And he makes me feel so insecure and would never make me believe that he is watching my back!!.. I do not wish to detroirate..and I only wish to work as a team , as I am not strong enough to handle things on my own. He admits he does not like responsibility snd he does not consider that telling this would shatter me! He hurts me unintentionally. But to make him understand that he is hurting me, I become unresponsive..and THAT he considers as a crime since it is intentional hurting from my part. Just because I am aware and I take extra care to be considerate of others feelings, am I never allowed to express my dislike? Hw long should I wait for him to learn?Everyone around me understands me being distant to him, and he would be so late understanding it. We are never the cute couple..and worse still, he makes me guilty for expecting that! He never listens out..he used to…not anymore….I have to scream to make my point understandable…and it drains me…I weep and weep out of helplessness, and he shows sympathy….beat that!!! No remedy! We have huge social hurdles to overcome…and I am never comfortable in presenting him in my social circles yet. I know it would hurt anyone to be in that state. How would we solve this situation? He is ultra bland and too loud around. Why am I supposed to be the one to hurt him by letting him know about this fact? Why wont he have better preference of people around? I know him as a nice person...but every child needs to be taught how to be around... and that does not imply that the child is bad. By the time I convey this, he is already blackmailing me with statements like " So, you dont already accept me for who I am, alright then!" He gives up each time I am disapphointed!!...it annoys me….he does not work that way with everything else though..it is unbelievable!! Am I supposed to feel bad for the way I hav been brought up? Is it wrong to strive for perfection in attire and behaviour and to understand others? Is it wrong to be sensitive? All I ever want is a soul companion with whom I can be comfortable about my fears, likes, share thoughts….but I just wont get that!...everything is normal for him and he wants nothing…does that mean I want nothing wither? And I turn out the greedy one this way because of the compatibility mismatch. I would know his bits and there some passion ....and I see none on his part...are guys generally like that or am I not designed for this? Why do I always have to appear weak to be brutally honest? why wont he know my strengths ? Why is he not at alll selective in any way to anybody ?...Why am I just a friend who loves ? He loves everybody equally . If he possesses something which he does not need, and if I along with other friends ask for it, he would apply the sequential rule of being just, and give the item to the one who asked him first.( even if the friend did not know that he was the first to place the request). There are no adjustments made, to make me feel special...and I am simply a girl, who is a friend. I do not bother him with shopping woes…I manage with finance, and I am fairly independent in getting my things done, unlike other pals I know who burden their boyfriends. I give him his space and time. All I need is for him to take little interest in my activities and suggest on his own, with whatever knowledge he has. Even friends do tht now, common! But no, I get only what I demand....which is so unfair...and so disgusting!!! He fills me with no confidence..and I fear deterioration to be quite frank. It depresses me at times….maybe I am mssing spmething …maybe I am too demanding…or maybe like he calls it," I am self pitious, and selfish" When something exciting comes about, I prefer to be around some person who wants to share it with me first….that the only jealous element that I admit of , in our relationship…but I can bet that a mojority of it other girls have it too….whats so wrong about it??? How else would relationships work, if one does not put in that specialness to it?? I am too scared to speak these out to my partner , since it would damage our relationship; Although I believe in being honest and speaking things out to make things work, my partner is not prepared enough to hear this from me. Would it change with time? Will he be able to handle my needs? Am I being too wrong? Should I move on?

Domonique, all these semi-relationship, semi-existentialist questions you pose tend to get validated, cleared up or nulled and voided, the instant you meet your *true* soulmate. It sounds to me that although your boyfriend isn't downright objectionable, the combination of you and he is not bowling you over. My mother used to constantly tell me, 'Tsk, your standards are *far* too high, that's your trouble'. My reply was, 'No, mother, the standards of the men I've so far met are TOO LOW. If my ideal (by my standard) doesn't even exist, I'd rather be alone than unhappy'. When I (finally) met my current and final partner (- yes, I am that sure), I got to turn around and say, 'I told you so'. Nature sees to it that no-one is literally unique, meaning there are people more like you out there (of both genders). The man you're with currently - Mr 60% Right - might be just a stepping stone to Mr 99.9% Right. If there's nothing really wrong with him, save for not quite 'lighting your candle' and leaving you wanting in too many areas, then you should take encouragement from this as a strong sign you're only one or a handful of 'stones' away from your idea of relationship utopia. Does that answer your overall question?

(Whoops, sorry for the typo in your name!)