My 4yr relationship was a lie

My 4 yr. relationship ended 6 mos. ago and to this day, every minute of everyday, I still think about how I was duked and how I didn't see it. I'm still so extremely hurt by being conned by the man that I was crazy about...I barely function. After 6 mos, I barely function. I know he has a new girlfriend, and had within the week of me leaving...and even that I can't see how he can do so easily without so much of a thought of me, it seems...when I had completely redecorated his home, inside and outside, paint, carpet, furnishings, trees!...there is no way to look at his house at any angle and not see me all over it...I would think. Most people, all the neighbors, did not believe it was the same house...but I was led to believe we would be there together....forever. I'm not stupid, I wouldn't have done it otherwise. So, how can he have another woman there just by that fact alone? I put my heart and soul into this relationship...into him...and believed he was too. I'm still shocked at the number of lies and how i was misled and abused...and worse yet, at how much i still want him back...and would go back in a heartbeat if he'd have me...although, he wouldn't. No reason why he shouldn't want me back, in fact, I was probably the best thing he'd ever had...he conned me, not the other way around...but, you'd think I did something horrible. So, just that in itself is difficult for me to grasp. And, I still plan my out-tings to places where I think I might see him...but I don't. It's like everywhere he's been known to go, he doesn't. Like he completely disappeared from my life. I'm starting to be physically ill...all the time. I think I will eventually die from the sheer toll of how i was taken advantage of...and didn't know it! Everyone else did, and tried to tell me, but i thought they were all just jealous of us. It's never going to go away from where it lives in me...where ever that is...but it will kill me....and there's times where that couldn't be soon enough. Still.

thank you...but he wanted his place re-done...he was all for it and had the last say on every little detail, since it was his home. I did not 'take charge and take over' without his request, permission and consent. He was involved in every aspect, in every way, and was the one that had to do all the "work" so to speak. He basked in the glory of all the positive feedback and often tooted his horn, as if it were all his ideas.

Yep, I think we can all relate to what you are going through. We have all been there at some point in our life. I dont think we really do move on fully from being treated like this by the one person who we loved more than life itself BUT we DO eventually learn to live with it and find peace. You loved him with all your heart but he did not feel the same way. He did not love you. He probably loves this woman just like the way you love him. That was harsh right? Well it has to be otherwise you will not be able to move on. This is the time where your true inner strength will be the only thing that will get you through this very emotionally challenging time. You have to turn the passion you have for him into hatred. Eventually, over time, that hatred will turn into pity. He made you believe he loved you, had a future with you but they were all lies. Some people can deceive another being to a point which other, genuine people would regard as evil and he was one of them. Dont dwell and just see this is a lesson learnt. Dont waste your beautiful energy over him. He does not deserve it. Is he thinking of you at present? The answer is no. I am not saying you will be able to rid your mind/body of all the heartbreaking thoughts, love you had for him but what I do know for sure is that you can navigate those feelings/thoughts into hatred, pity and slowly but surely you will find the strength to carry on and WILL begin to enjoy life without him. Do not fill your mind up with negative thoughts ie if only I had done this differently, maybe he would have loved me more. If only I had behaved in this manner, he may have loved me more. None of that is true. Truth of the matter is you did too much for him and men like him usually settle for the type who treats them mean. Be strong pretty lady. There are beautiful, loving humans out there. You will find them and more importantly, they will find you too but in order for that to happen, you must let go of the past.