Controlling family

my family always tring to guilt me into things they think i should do with my life. they say there only trying to help but if i accept their help they want to control me

My family can be like that sometimes. I am the youngest of 6 and my nearest in age sibling is 10 years older so I think that has something to do with it. It has improved as I have got older but still happens. My one sister is the worst and tries to dictate the way I should live. I used to let it go over my head but eventually I just said enough is enough. I didn't talk to her for about 4 months - we didn't argue, I just said "look I want some space" we are talking again now and touch wood she has been better and has even recognised when she is doing it and says she will try not to. Your post doesn't have a great deal of detail. Maybe if you gave some examples I could try to help?

Don't get to the point my husband did through control by his family and myself. The control was to ease him back into the society, his job and the community after he was discharged from the military, through sex denial and even armed force his control was total for 31 years the last 14, have become violent, with what I found out was a total of twelve men so badly hurt they will never recover, I was forced into marital relations last year after 31 years of denial, the first four was when in 2001 he took a job another person with influence wanted, this man has lost is sight after him and four others thought the were going to put my husband in his place my husband shattered his eye sockets In the process and put him and his three friends into a critical care unit since then one man had his face smashed in escorting my husband to work when he got to close and jabbed my husband with it, my husband snatched it out of his hand and used the butt on his face, if his father and the others had not forced him to put the shotgun down they knew he was going to open up on them with it, This one was pushed off a 50 foot high platform for kidding with my husband after I had been out with him on new years eve because my husband was at work, another day he was forced in, and this man said how nice it was to wake up beside me in his bed the next morning. The last fifteen months have been the worst, He beat the blazes out of an old boyfriend after a one night stand with him. then two weeks latter he would not allow me to do a favor for his father by going with his fathers best friend to a political funding dinner, That's the evening my husband forced the issue of marital relation and threw a ma over the porch rail face first into our driveway right in front of his mother and father. this year it was bad enough on memorial day that first my husband made his fathers best friend run for his life and striped a reservation his father made for me and his best friend from him, then telling his father in front of 30 guests he was not his to control and was not going to accept any more interference in his life or marriage, his father was livid by that point, said everyone is tired of you deciding what rights you are taking for yourself by now, he said everyone for one day is tired of your disrespect by not leaving then telling my friend you are taking a reservation because he was going with your wife she would have been home in a couple of hours but no you have to show your rear so this is what I think of your rights. and he broke two fingers on my husbands face, my husband showed his respect in return his father was backhanded with my husbands full fist across the kitchen, the next time his father felt that force of arms was going to keep my husband in line, it did not, he recorded the incident on a thumb drive and thirty minutes later My husband was on his way to the police to force charges filed when he found us where we met his mother, sister, her husband and the two men his father had hold my husband at bay with pistols, I think my husband enjoys embarrassing everyone now because the waitress just set our breakfast down when my sister in law screamed watch out, the two men ended up laying in their breakfast bleeding after my husband used his can to lay their faces open to the jaw bone and his father sitting there with terror on his face thinking my husband was going to run him through with his cane, My husband was telling him why he was going to die, it was going to happen if four officers did not stop him and cuff him, my husband was released because of the video time stamp 30 minutes before, I was told I could stand and leave right then but I knew what was coming next because I told his father that I was going to need a ride to the bus station after the breakfast, I knew that my bags would be sent where I ended up, but my husband gave me a choice to leave right there or go to the bus. I went with him whatever he wanted the rest of the day, sex, breakfast, or nothing at all I was going to allow, he was still in a rage at midnight, His mother called because she had been told that my husband did not come along because we left a note where he could meet us, He talked to her for an hour, She said it was apparent that you were planning your fathers demise and I understand Now there are charges being filed against just about everyone after things were talked with the police about the next two hour, she said we need to go the next few days before someone decides you cost them to much,, FSSA, the federal government and the DA had all contacted me about a deposition the next morning, There are various charges against many people being considered. like conspiracy to deny civil rights, like maintaining and indentured servant through threat and blackmail, marital extortion and fraud, pointing a firearm for purposes of denying civil rights ten counts at a minimum, and long term abuse of an adult. there were pictures still where he had worked that were taken at the gate showing the shotguns used to force him in. There were many interviews done and people were asked why they did not try to stop things when they knew what was happening, Most said they did not consider it their buisness. a few said since it kept them from having to work weekend they though all right. The county sheriffs office had four dozen requests for help on record, the sheriff at the time died earlier on this year from lung cancer. but it was found that the commissioner at that time had threated the department with defunding if they interfered because when my husband took that job in 2001 his son was the one that was hurt the worst. Union officials are being called north and many work rules are changing, I don't think we were at all right, its just the way things came down my husband paid with32 years of his life, everyone thinks he went way overboard taking his rights back, but no one can deny they thought it was something that was OK to do because it was an outsider with a pretty wife that could do for them. There was only one thing good that happened in all this mess. The stress was so high in the two weeks around my husbands discovery of my affair that when my husband enforced his marital rights at that point, I was reacting like the stress that happened to women on the Titatnic, I got pregnant at 54 years old, I did not figure it out until after the first tri mester and delivered a son on dec 8 my first child. my husband was introduced to his on his 58th birthday in January after I came back from the specialist hospital. My husband feels we stole 32 years of his life, His mother and sister think so to. His father says we were just making him be the better man he should be proud of the days he worked for others that needed the days off more than he did. I guess a record of 31 years of work with ten days off is impressive, none of these days was to recharge, they were spent traveling home after getting our things moved after his discharge, and six days around when a tumor was removed from his brain stem. After that he was supposed to recover for 60 days but his father and friends again decided he could recover at work as well as he could at home. Five months out of the last year have been spent in rehab because of srokes around that scare tissue from where the drilled through his brain. I have been told that complications from the MRSA in my husbands spine, and that brain surgery my ten month old son will see his father die before he gets to jr high. What I am saying is don't let you family guilt trip you, life from day to day is to uncertain. I TOOK MANY YEARS TOREALIZE THIS. Now my husband wont even see what other parents wereble to see, his son grow up.

I did not explain why my husband never divorced me, before he was discharged from the navy I was diagnosed two years before as being bi polar and scyzo effective, he was not told, was not allowed to find out until his discharge. it was thought that it would interfere with his ability to do his job, trident Fire control tech on trident submarines, when he got out he was presented with a Guardianship the first week he was home by the state, he tried for a divorce in 1987 but his petition was denied as it was last year. My husband considers himself a man of honor, he has never cheated, but I have had more than five affairs over the years, most were men I was introduced to by his father, the sons of friends mostly, the one my husband discovered was an accident, its what started the trouble the last 16 months, I told him I was spending the day with an old collage friend and cut out before my husband was awake the next morning and things got out of hand with my old boy friend, I spent the night in his room and when I got home the next morning I my husband trapped us in the drive, I asked to take things off the street and went in followed by my BF, My husband unblocked the drive and followed a few minutes later, I should also mention the damage MRSA did to my husband in 2009 he developed MRSA around his spine I caused the cord to be crushed and he spent from 2010 till the spring of last year to last spring he was in rehab and hospitals learning to walk, he made his own cane out of red oak and peuter, its very heavy and long because my husband is 6'4" tall, The first I knew something was going to go wrong was when my husband came in my BF said watch this as he used his foot to sweep the cane out from under my husbands hand dropping him face first on the floor, When my husband rolled over he had a look that has become familier its one that says somebody is going to be badly hurt, My BF was laughing and calling him pathetic and I was trying to get him gone to talk privately with my husband, I only heard as that cane hit, My husband had striped the tip off and thrown it like a spear, I heard my BFs scull fracture, my husband was not done however, He pulled himself over to were my boyfriend landed and every time he tried to sit up my husband would deliver a different punch. there wee at least a dozen delivered straight, roundhouse and even backhands, every one with my husband yelling who's pathetic now. I was even swatted into a corner when I tried to stop my husband delivering any more damage. Because he was enraged when the police arrived and was still wanting to hit my BF, They took him to a stress center for anger management, My boyfriend went to ICU and surgery. my father in law called the hospital and was expecting my husband to be in three weeks. So he said since you are going to need some diversion from my sons bad manners, my best friend has a problem. His wife filed divorce papers last week but he has two passes to a republican fund raising dinner, He just needs someone to go along, The Monday I was supposed to go my husband appeared suddenly in the house, He asked were I was going because I just finished getting ready, I told the truth that I was going to go with his fathers friend and would be home in five or six hours, My husband said there is only going to be one person you are with today, I said that it was just a few hours as a favor for your father He said I don't care what my father wants, I was not going, I said how about this, I will meet any where you want after the event, bring your mother and farther along and we will talk things through to every ones satisfaction, but I did promise, My husband said you made another promise in 1981, One I had not kept, he said before any other promises are completed this is one you are going to keep. I was backing for the door and turned to run when my dress came off in tatters, my husband said I paid for this it stays, He looked at me in my garter belt and stoking and I knew it was not going to be talking him out of what he was going to do, I tried by saying please not like this but I was taken to the floor, It was done a half hour later, I went crying to the bedroom to put a robe on, my husband put his sweats on to answer the door, His fathers friend was told I was not coming and was indisposed, He used to work with my husband and said you can't stop her, my husband told him to go away, the man tried bulling his way past my husband. But my husband wrapped his big hand around his neck and threw him over the porch rail the drop to the cement drive is about eight feet were he hit face first right in front of my husbands arriving mother and father. His mother came in to talk with me. his father crying helped his badly hurt friend to the hospital, He was called by the hospital after they sent my husband home and knew there was going to be trouble, he did not realize how bad, His other said I have known for some years there was a lot of tension between everyone but why, my son was usually wanting just to be left alone, and why was his father best friend here. The whole story of what happened the time from 1985 came out, she said you kept my son sexless for that long. She said that why there were no grandchildren, why he was never home weekends and holidays, I said you were the one that said there is always tomorrow, She said I was thinking that week not the next 3 decades. I was crying when she implanted a handprint on my face, then we heard his father out on the porch yelling at my husband about how he did not have any rights but those he was told he had, and right now the only right he had was to keep his mouth shut and do as he was told and there was not thing to be any stink about that, my mother in law and I came out on the porch, Me with a bright red hand print on my face and her telling my husbands father to shut up and get in the car, he turned and was angry with her when he said we have to get control of him now, She just about turned his face to the other side of his head, she told him to shut his trap, and get to the car, she said you have controlled your son to his own ruin, and there will be no more control, He left still crying. Saying I only did what was best for everyone, my mother in law said everyone but your son, you forgot about that didn't you, and they left. Many of us forgot why this nation was founded unalienable rights to the persuit of life, liberty, and happiness, when my husband walked in to the restraint and pasted his fathers friends I was reminding his father of this at the time. I had said we did forget my husbands needs in this mess but I was going to go back west to my son who was with my mother there, and try and forget the last two decades, be supportive of my husbands needs. About that point is where my sister in law yelled, this is not my first choice of a life, It is remote but the area has grand vistas,, the air is clean there are things I never saw when I grew up and it is remote for my taste, I am used to skyscrapers Not mountains, I am not used to walking through a door and just about kissing an elk, or a big horned sheep, or a buffalo. My husband is sort of happy here, he maintains a lot of back pain, but he goes and rides his horse when its nice enough, even takes time to go up to another place that belongs to the family, High range cabin is what they call it, to get access you either walk up, ride a horse up, a hummer can make it or by heilo, That's the place my husband likes most, He could winter up there but with me here he wont go back until spring, he made all the equipment repairs and maiatnence it needs the last time we went up there, He left a new plasma screen there along with the direct tv converter as well as an old win seven computer, He maintains it as a lost hiker cabin in the winter and it has communications there if they can find the place. His father keeps asking me if I would be willing to allow some of his friends to come out to hunt. Its not going to happen. I am telling this to show one instance of family bullying and abuse, I should have run to my husband the day he came home from the military and ripped his cloths off, and had my way with him. Instead I thought what we were doing was a noble thing for the society, the community and his job, But to ask my husband He considers himself used as the community mule, its going to take many years if ever to regain any trust from my husband, He proves himself a good father. and there is no mistaking they are father and son. when both look at me they look like old version and new version same facial expressions and all, My mother in law is leaving her husband and says she is coming home, she was born fifty miles from here,, there are new communities that are going to start nearby thanks to oil and gas in this area. My husband hopes they build around the present towns instead of out here. He watched a hawk a little while ago while holding his son and showing him before his nap time, then put him in the living room to terrorize our cats. its about three pm here and its time to start the roast tonight, its a little cool but my husband is going to cook it in the dutch oven on the fire pit. He can do wonders with the roast, and its enough for several days worth of meals unless my mother, sister and her husband smell it, Then maybe two days worth, There are going to be red potatoes, corn, and peas cooked with it, so its pretty much a meal in one pot, My sister will be bringing blackberry cobbler over and will have Heath bar crunch from the freezer I think I better get my son down for his nap now . Think I will get my husband down for one to. I do miss other people around but to have them around means that they will try for control again, so this is much better, But keep your chin up and set boundry's with your family now If you wait those boundry's will be crushed, and so will your hopes.