Is it fair to take a lie test

I have been with my bf for 6 years and last year found out he had been lying to me about keeping in contact with his ex. We had a lot of problems with her in the beginning and 4months into the relationship he promised me that he would break the contact with her completely. I had a feeling something wasnt right when i saw an unfamiliar number on his phone. I then confronted him and he said he had always kept in contact with her as a friend but something has never sat right with this story for me and I have serious trust issues now. I checked his phones bills to see how often they spoke and it did seem harmless about once a month in the last year. I couldn't see any further back. There was one time over christmas he tried calling her about 20 times in one evening which was weird ??? So basically iv bin trying to let this go for over a year. We both seem to have a happy loving relationship apart from this issue. I feel if i cant get to the bottom of this it will never feel right for me again. Is it fair to ask someone to take a lie test for something like this? I feel bad not to believe him but why should i believe someone who told me this lie for so many years!! Any help please...

I see what your saying from an outsiders point of view. But when we first got together he was still messaging her inappropriate messages such as i love you !!! After i saw this he said he felt bad for her as she wanted him back and was so sad. I then told him obviously he has to chose as it wasnt fair and then he told me that he would stop all contact with her to be with me and for 5 years he has told me that was the case. Untill i found out last year this was a lie. He also unfortuntatley told me that he had cheated on another gilrfriend with this ex before me and him got together. So again even more reason to wonder if more was happening at the beggining of our relationship. I dont think anything is happening now but what about the first couple of years we were together?? This is whats getting to me !!! Hope that makes sense.

Forget about the ex, you need to look at a 6 year relationship where there are trust issues because of lies. If you guys had an agreement and he has decided to 'flout' it, then you need to discover why. Some people have no problem with their partner talking to an ex and it's usually because they feel secure and they really couldn't care less because they have trust. Whether you had demanded or mutally agreed that all those years ago he stop all contact with her because she was causing problems really doesn't matter. What does matter is that you have been with wrong man for 6 years because if he chose to be with you totally, he would dealt with the issue then and there and wouldn't have needed to agree to his no contact. Rather than worry about a lie test, you need to ask yoursel if your bf mirrors your values and are you guys on the same page?

Thankyou for your posts. Its so hard to make any decisions when you love someone. I just want to be totally sure before i decide whether to stay or leave or else im afraid i will live in regret. Talking to his ex really wouldnt bother me its the lies that went with it that have caused the problems. It would be great to here from anyone that has or wants a lie test done.

A lie test is going to prove nothing. What proves ANYTHING at all is TRUST. If you don't have trust, it doesn't matter whether you can read each other's deepest darkest secrets and thoughts with a machine or not... what matters is trusting someone and that is far more powerful than anything else, more powerful than a lie detector.. If you need a machine to tell you someone is lying then that's your biggest problem. Without trust in a relationship, and I mean.. ULTIMATE TRUST.. You don't have anything. A machine will not fix that for you.

But what if a lie test proves he is telling me the truth and that it was just a harmless friendship that he kept from me to spare my feelings!! I could forgive this and understand the situation. Are you saying i should trust my instincts? Because that means i should leave but will never really no the truth unless i trust my own judgement. ??? :/

The whole point is that you don't need a lie test if you know your bf of 6 years and you have trusted him instinctively. If you don't and haven't, then you should also instinctively know that your relationship has been a sham. Why would your bf of 6 years hide something from you? Where has your communication been which helps lay the foundation of any relationship..trust. You need to realise that throughout life, in most circumstances, we all will only have our powers of judgement to guide us and we need to learn to trust it.