Sensitive boyfriend

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 10 months now, and I have never been happier with another human being. We giggle, we have a blast, we have similar interests, we go out of each others' way for one another, and all of the wonderful things that make two people a good match. However, in the past couple of months he has had some 'setbacks' that are bringing him down. He works constantly, he car broke down, his phone is on the fritz, and due to an incredibly unfortunate roommate situation he is living back with his parents until he finds an apartment. So, obviously he is stressed out and I am doing whatever I can do try and be understanding. On top of working everyday myself, I have made it possible to drive him to and from work (sometimes picking him up at 3 am, 7am, midnight...his hours vary constantly) and I have never complained. I never get to see him because one of us is either working or sleeping, and it sucks, but I try to remain positive when I do get a chance to see him or even just speak to him, because I do love him and I can see past all of the negatives, because I know it's temporary and to me it's not worth bringing the stress into the relationship. My boyfriend, however, is not always as patient or positive. We are both very sarcastic by nature. It's one of the things I love so much about how we interact and banter; he gets my humor. Lately he has been getting very sensitive, though. It's not all the time, either, so it's difficult to predict or prevent. We will be talking and joking back and forth, then all of the sudden he will get visibly offended and shut down for hours. It's confusing. One minute he is gushing about how much he loves me and how he's so glad he finally met someone who 'gets him' and the next he's sulking. I try to react logically and remind myself it's not 'about me' but it still affects me. Admittedly, I've gotten upset a time or two. I know he's going through a lot, but I'm still in this relationship and it hasn't been easy on me, either. It got to a point where he asked that dreaded question 'what's happening to us?' And I realized something was happening. The dynamic was different, but it wasn't worth losing our relationship, so I tried to remove my emotions and look at it from a different point of view. I'm sure it's because of all the added stress in his life right now, and I'm trying to adjust. I have let him know how much I miss him, while still allowing him time to spend with his family/friends/self. I have tried interacting with him in a more nurturing way, to try not to add stress, but a week and a half ago he said that he missed the way we used to joke around. So, we finally got a day together for the first time in two weeks the other day. He was glprouchy and tired when I picked him up, but I basically pretended I didn't notice. I was focused on being as positive and 'normal' as possible. Eventually, it worked. He came out of his funk and we had more fun that day than we've had in months. It was effortless and he was happy and not thinking about anything else, and our conversations since then have been great. They've been fun and flirty, but he's actually opened up a little about being stressed without it having to be a big 'major' conversation. But tonight he told me he had tried calling me and his phone wouldn't execute the call, so asked me to try him. It didn't go through. It has been acting funny for about the last week, but he was able to answer a phone call from one of his friends the day we hung out, so I made a comment about how his phone must have a thing for this friend of his. I assumed he'd know it was a joke, since we've been in such a better place and we'd been joking around all day, and I literally said his PHONE had feelings for his friend. He immediately sent back 'Don't worry. I'm taking it in tomorrow. Goodnight.' I tried replying by apologizing for potentially upsetting him, assuring him I was joking and that I love the place we are in now. And he just replied with 'I need to get up early. Goodnight.' I guess I just don't know how to respond to this type of behavior, because it's so foreign to me in this relationship. It's not 'him.' I'm willing to swallow my pride for the sake of this relationship, but I just want to turn it around. Do I just give it time? Help! Thank you!

i do believe you should just give it time and just be strong and positive and supportive of him. as you expressed you know this is a rough time for him because of all the problems going on. but sometimes you cant just hold back what you want to say because he is going through something. maybe you can sit and have a serious conversation with him and express to him that you mean well and you want things to turn around in your relationship. you want him to come to you instead of pushing you away because he is in a funk. just express how you feel. its clear you two love one another. this is something that can be resolved and worked out but he has to be willing to change and contribute too. its not all on you to hold up your relationship. it takes two.

Agree and agree. Because you've for so long put up with more than the average unmarried woman might, he thinks your love and understanding knows no limits...now trusts you TOO much, including that he can use you as a kicking cat and teething ring without it doing any actual damage, that you'll bounce back as usual. You don't need to say a thing if you can't face it. Just act like a puppy trainer: If it doesn't cooperate, you immediately and silently turn your back and/or walk away until it does. If it poos on the carpet instead of its litter tray or chews your slippers to oblivion, you smack its nose (quickly followed by happy business as usual, no sulking and grudge-holding). If it then behaves better/back to par, you give it encouraging words and a cuddle. If it performs impressively, it gets a choccie drop. That's what you do, which takes far less emotional effort than endless or repeat conversation, when someone has become reduced by chronic stress to a more animal level.