What to do?

I've been married for 31yrs my marriage in my eyes is over, to me it feels like I'm living wmy brother The thing is I don't knowhow to start the process of leaving him & he's unpredictable he has threatened me many times before please help!

Maybe you should start off slow, try to let him know your concerns over the relationship and the distance between you two. I dont think its a good idea to just say its over we need a divorce, in my experience guys are very oblivious to reality. He might think this is coming out of nowhere. Have you tried counseling maybe there you can bring it up especially since you said hes unpredictable. Listen to your gut if you feel as though you shouldn't be alone while discussing this than dont be. My best good luck.

Define 'threatened'?

Taking it slow is an understatement 31 + yrs of taking it slow he's oblivious to alot of things! He has tons of health problems but not incompasitated he can still function very well he lies he has no job & hasn't fir yrs I work & that's getting old tired of being the backbone for this marraige. defining "threatened" big arguements or comments of leaving always result in him trying to run me over w/the car telling me he would shot me ir kill himself etc.....

You're perfectly within your rights if after 31 years you feel this is less a case of two teammates pulling together equally, be it emotionally, practically or both, and more one of parasite and host, and wish to end it. If he cannot accept that reality and instead thinks he can remove your power to make your own rightful and healthily self-preservationist decisions through emotional blackmail, then that's his problem, not yours; doesn't change the reality, just means he has a problem coming to terms with it. I would kill myself if ever you left me because I love you so much is as I would kill myself if ever you left me because I love you so much *DOES*. And, clearly, he *doesn't*. So he doesn't love you, does he. Perhaps he just loves this cushy set-up too much to want to lose it? Hmm, funny, that - one person getting to enjoy a certain lifestyle effort-free off of another person's hard labour and liking it. Actually, it IS 'funny' because most healthy men have too much masculine PRIDE to tolerate that set-up, let alone live with it for god knows how many years whilst doing eff-all to change it. And yes, parasites DO tend to leave you sick and tired. Leave if you want to, and if he starts with his blackmailing nonsense, cover your ears and go, 'LA-LA-LA-LA-LAAAA!'.