Lost in miscommunication, desperate (adult content, sexual)

I have been with my boyfriend, let's call him "E", for a little over a year now. About four years ago, (when I was 15) we started dating but broke up about 6 weeks later. (we were sexually active, I was young and stupid and he took my virginity. We had casual sex every other day and he enjoyed it). His on and off girlfriend at the time had cheated on him and got pregnant. She had cheated so many times that she didn't know who the father was, and knowing "E" was the most responsible, and well off. E and I had started dating around her 8th month of pregnancy and he had promised to me the baby was not his, as they were no sexually active at the time the baby would have been conceived. the baby was born about a month into our relationship, and unbenounced to me, she had texted him saying the baby was his. I got texts around the same time from another girl who told me her and E had been talking and they wanted to get back together. Being my first relationship, I called it cheating and when I approached him about it, he acted stupid and oblivious. I broke up with him, he went back with the crazy pregnant ex (not the girl who had contacted me), and I moved on with my life. But not quite…. Right after I broke up with him, a friend at the time, who now is in a mental hospital, invited down an 18 year old boy to "see me". We were all friends on a chat board, and I didn't know it, but he had always liked me. I found this out two days before his arrival. I didn't tell anyone, as my parents didn't allow me on chat boards, and I thought he would be staying at the "friend's" house. He ended up staying at my house, against my will, in my closet, forcing me into a sexual relationship at knifepoint, using strong muscle relaxers on me, everyday for a month. He was picked up at a local laundromat (he left during the day while I was at school). My parents decided not to press charges to avoid dragging me through the mud of the legal system. I had told them it wasn't rape at the time out of fear that he would come back and hurt me. I have since set my family straight because of the nightmares I was having, and the constant fear of his reappearance. I started dating "C", and we were together for slightly over a year. I broke off the relationship due to his immaturity. We had gotten sexual once during that time, and it was so awkward for both of us, that I ended up just giving him hand jobs once in a while afterwards until we broke up. This whole time, I was still thinking about "E". there were blood tests done, and he was proven to NOT be the father of the child. He stayed with her to take care of the baby because the real father wanted nothing to do with it. We occasionally texted, and it sometimes came to where we told each other that we missed being together, but we never got together, other than one time when I wasn't with anyone, giving him a blow job. We had talked about getting back together, and I was desperate to be with him again, but after the blow job he dropped me off and told me it didn't mean anything, it wasn't just that easy to leave his situation. A while after, I started dating "D", who ended up cheating on me throughout our almost two year relationship. It was devastating, but I broke it off, knowing I couldn't be with someone who didn't really want to be with me and only me. Then E came back into my life… He supported me through the breakup with D, listening to my problems and telling me I needed to leave a guy who didn't deserve me. He took me to Chicago a few weekends after I found out about the cheating, and spent the day taking my mind off the situation. We went to the zoo, the museum, got deep dish pizza, and just had a great time. On the way home, he admitted he still had feelings for me from the first time we were together, and I admitted I did also. About a week later, we started dating again, and everything was wonderful. He wasn't as physically affectionate as previous boyfriends (like D who was constantly all over me, and I always ended up pushing him away some), but he still remembered to hold my hand, put his arm around me once in a while, and we started having a sexual relationship again. We both are in college and still live with our parents. When we did have a house alone, we would have sex, and it was great. One time, we were both feeling so wound up, that we ended up renting a hotel room for a few hours. The sex was great, and for once in my life, I was also able to enjoy it, "finishing" also, and just feeling amazing about our relationship. The sex was about once every three weeks. About 3 months into the relationship (January), E, started becoming less and less physical, and less affectionate in general. He blamed his long work hours and I didn't have an issue with it at first. We went out less, and the sex moved to once every four weeks or so. He was never very physical with me. In public, the most he will do it put his arm around me, and maybe a quick kiss. In front of people he knows, I'm lucky to hold his hand or stand less than a foot from him. It was always like this. This doesn't bother me too much, knowing he really hates public displays of affection, but it's gradually sank into our alone time too. Sex continued at about the same rate, once every four weeks, but only when it seemed like I asked almost to the point of begging. Eventually, he got angry when I asked him once, and told me we could, but he didn't care if we did or not, and it was purely for me. I told him I didn't want to then, as it is for US not just me or him. He said "whatever" and kept watching tv. I asked what was wrong and he said "just not in the mood". I explained that the physical pull away that had been occurring over the past few months was worrying me, and he got very angry and exploded at me that we didn't have to have sex all the time, he just wasn't in the mood, and then he shut up and gave me the silent treatment. (That's how our arguments always end, with him giving me the silent treatment for a day or two, then after I beg for forgiveness, he slowly starts talking to me and involving me again.) A few days ago, on our one year anniversary, he gave me beautiful, very expensive gifts. I had not asked for either of the gifts, but thanked him countless times, was very happy towards him, and told him how much I enjoyed them and how much it meant to me. I gave him his gifts, which weren't as grand, but he still smiled and thanked me. We had the house to ourselves that day, and the next. We haven't had sexual contact in several weeks, and I was really wanting to just be as close as possible. He, however, wanted nothing to do with sex. When I asked him why, he just shrugged and went silent. I asked him if he felt physically attracted to me, and he replied, "yes! I'm just not in the mood! Fuck!". I've tried to talk to him about how the silent treatment and his lacking affection, physical and not, make me feel. I'm always using "we" statements, talking about how WE can fix something, using very simple language such as "when this happens, I feel like this", and not getting personal and attacking him. I never call him names, or accuse him of being inadequate about anything. If anything, I often tell him statements like "when you act/do this, it makes me feel good because this", or "I really liked this because of this. it makes me feel this way", to show him what i do like, and how to easily do it again. The whole time i'm talking, however, he stares into space, and only answers very occasionally with responses like "okay", "whatever", or "I don't know", and only when I ask for a response. I know it sounds like nagging, because I feel like he isn't understanding what I need because he won't respond, so I end up talking too much and he gets very angry. We've talked about it before, and when I need to talk to him about something, that I just need a response to what I'm asking for such as "okay, I understand. I'll try harder" and not just "whatever", then the conversations could last one minute instead of thirty. But he never does it. I always end up feeling like he isn't listening. When I've explain that I feel like he isn't listening, he says it's because what I'm feeling anxious about isn't an issue and it doesn't matter. He's told me that it doesn't matter that I need more physical attention, etc., because he isn't that way. He calls himself emotionless. I've told him it's important to me because it makes me feel wanted and loved, and he points out that he isn't a physical person and he doesn't feel many emotions, and that he will never change. He then goes silent, won't go anywhere, talk, text, or communicate whatsoever for at least a day. After that, I apologize and he gradually starts talking to me again. He is a very good person to me the rest of the time. He is constantly buying me expensive gifts and taking me places (even though I've explained while I appreciate these things, they can't replace emotion and feeling). We have the same type of humor, same style, same plans and dreams for our futures. We both love the same things, and we even finish each other's sentences. We are each other's best friends and we often admit that the other means the world to us. It sounds like an easy fix, we break up but remain close friends. BUT he's already told me, if I break it off (he's already said he won't ever break off the relationship) that we probably wouldn't ever communicate again, he would find someone else to talk to because he hates being alone (a girl), and him and I would be a thing of the past. I know in the past he was very physical with his other girlfriends, and even me when we were dating the first time. He only stayed with the pregnant girl to raise her kid, and even when I heard it from others, he hated being with her, but still has a sexual relationship with her. I've recently asked him why the sudden change, and he claims that his hormones must just not be racing anymore, and sex means nothing. BUT HE'S ONLY 20 YEARS OLD. We've come to the agreement that he mod likely has low T syndrome, and I've asked countless times for him to go get it check out, but he refuses. I've pointed out that the sex isn't really that important to me, and that low T can be the cause of more serious medical issues, but he refuses. He says he never has time, then he says if he asked for time off that his dad (his boss) would ask too many questions, then he said that his doctor will just write him off, then he finally said that he just didn't want to. I feel like low T also causes some of these bad moods, but when I point this out, he says something like "oh, you must be about to start your period. you get like this every few weeks,", when in reality and as i've pointed out, I feel like this a lot more than that. I know for 100% certainty that he is not cheating. I'm scared for him and our relationship. I feel like I cannot approach him with these issues, because every time I do we fight, I get the silent treatment (which he's promised so many times to stop doing), and I end up apologizing and caving. I'm scared I'm not the woman I should be: I've been raped, cheated on, and now avoided like the plague, all by different males. I feel like the only way things will change is if I end it, which I'm not sure I could handle being without him, let alone seeing him with someone else. I'm so emotionally invested in him, and I feel like he doesn't know what emotions are. I constantly worry about this and the way it is effecting me, and how it will effect me the further I get in. I've talked to family, friends, even professionals, and they all tell me he needs an ultimatum because he feels like the situation is fine, but he is so spiteful, he will do the opposite just to piss you off. I've realized that only he knows why he does these things, and I've told him that no matter how many people i talk to (he suggested me talking about it to someone else if it really bothered me that much so he "doesn't have to hear about it and I feel better") it doesn't help because only he knows the answers. I want every problem to be fixed, but I know he won't give me the answers or hear me out to fix them. I want to be able to go back to sleep when I wake up in the middle of the night, and not search the internet for answers and write into complete strangers until my alarm goes off. I want to feel like he loves and cares about me like I love and care about him. I want him to listen, understand, and act. They say it's time to leave a relationship when the bad times outweigh the good. The good times are amazing and are the vast majority, but the bad times get worse every time they occur, and feed into each other. I need help. How do I get him to communicate, and how do I get him to realize how important my concerns are without him blocking me out of his life?

There is a lot worth saving, him and I both agree with that. It isn't the lacking sex that is bothering me, I suppose. It's the fact I feel like he doesn't care about my needs and concerns. I calmly talk to him about how I feel, and he responds with "Whatever, I'm not going to change, so end it, or put up with it." Then he gets mad and won't talk to me, which makes everything worse. Like I mentioned, he's said if we break up, he will just find someone else to do stuff with, and it'll be a girl. All I want is his unconditional love and I feel like when he does decide i'm deserving, it's just buying me things. I don't want THINGS, I want communication and affection. How do I get that?