Insecurities over porn

Hi everyone, i don't really have anyone to get advice from so here seemed like a good idea. I have been with my partner on and off for 4 years we have an 16 month old daughter, at the beginning it was great, but his mum lives in spain and is sick so over the years its seemed like he's spent more time there than here. whilst in spain hes gotten quite lazy and put on quite a bit of weight. Despite all this i still love him with all my heart and want to be with him as long as i live, we've even discussed a new baby once he's sorted job wise. My problem is the other day i came home from work and noticed that he had been watching porn, now the rational part of me realises this is normal but the emotional side of me is struggling to deal, i think its the type of porn that bothers me a lot its so completely different to me that i can't help but think is it something wrong with me. We've talked about it and he promises he loves me and still fancies me etc, i just need some advice to get over it and to not feel like ive been cheated on which i know seems ridiculous.

Well, at least you understand the cause of your problem and you have actually taken the time to talk things over with your partner. One thing that might help you get over your issues regarding him and his porn is to actually just watch some of it over and over again until you get used to it and keep replaying it/watching more of the same until you get fully desensitized to it. The fact that you are watching it together with your partner should help to reassure your subconscious that he is not cheating on you.

watching porn its not a bad thing my bf do that and idont have problem bcs sometimes it help us to do some styles u know and iam gal ido watch porn sometimes and it does meant anything when im with my bf idont even think about porn..icant watch with him bcs im shy

Why don't you try watching porn with him. If You're shy start with some soft porn and work your way into whatever you find that you enjoy. Some porn can be a good thing in a relationship . Enjoy!!

You have to develop or adapt at your own will and rate, CHILL1981. This is a personal preferences issue. This means, if porn generally or this type of (I assume from the way you put it) slightly weird/bizarre porn isn't your thing, it isn't your thing full-stop, and it's very disappointing and disheartening to find out that you and your partner have such a major difference in the mix. If it's not mainstream porn, is slightly weirder than standard tastes, then I'd say it's veered that much more from reality towards the pure fantasy, meaning it could actually be his attempt to self-medicate against the fact that his mother's health is such a source of mind-f**king alarm and dis-anchoring for him... a measure that he's for so long now had to take when in Spain that it's got the point where it's having to follow him back here to where you live because he's becoming hooked on it. In other words, it's his emotional crutch and distraction aid because it was the only effective, available one when stuck over in Spain playing nursie. But what I hear underneath this is more to do with the fact that due to circumstance or his still very firm attachment to his mother, this marriage isn't exactly following or fulfilling your lifelong expectations of what marriage should look and feel like, including the fact that, by the sounds of it, your husband is putting being a provider to yourself and yours and his kid second after his filial duty when you believe it should be the other way around? In other words, life is forcing you to have to be understanding about this circumstance beyond control, but you still don't like it because you believe there's actually more room for accommodation in YOUR direction than he's opting to take. Therefore, were he more arduous towards you than he is towards watching these films, that attention would at least partway compensate you for the sense of neglect you naturally are left feeling due to such regular and prolonged absences. Yet he's not. Course not. He's bereft and depressed. I think the crux is down to you mistaking (this particular genre of) porn as something sexual rather than what it truly is - a catharsis for the collossal fact that his one and only mum seems to be slowly on her way out. Any of that making sense to you?