Does he like me or is he just annoyed
SPIDY6789 - Oct 20 2014 at 22:58
I was kinda seeing this guy. We had both agreed it was only a bit of fun. But then he started to annoy me by not always replying to messages, and when he did sometimes he would be flirty and other times just weird. I called him on it and basically told him that I wouldn't chase him and it was too much hard work and we should leave it there. He agreed I think. I wasn't the reaction that I wanted but I figured that I had done it to get a reaction and he had called my bluff.
We were still texting ( kinda had to has we were involved in other things - unrelated) and he seemed fine. Then a few days ago he started putting weird posts on facebook when he was drunk. I'm unsure if they were about what had gone on. Now his texts have become distant and quite harsh. I'm not sure why he is being so arsey with me. Is it cos he likes me and feels hurt or is his ego just bruised. Should I try to fix it or just walk away
A guy "kinda seeing" for "only a bit of fun" doesn't HAVE to respond to all messages, and nor does he have to show consistency on that score. "Kinda seeing" for "only a bit of fun" has no right to call her co-kinda-seeing 'partner' over any single thing, least of all a failure to behave like a bona fide boyfriend.
But if she does so, if she seems to draw her lines in the sand yet then rubs them out by behaviourally contradicting herself, of COURSE that 'partner' is going to presume things are back to how they were before, and act accordingly.
From what he did on FB when under the influence of alcohol (as flings wide the normally locked secrets door), it seems quite obvious that this guy doesn't LIKE the fact you expect him to deliver the goods of a bona fide relationship when he's being denied the label and status and associative equal rights. I'm not surprised. Neither would I.
There's no point in trying to get someone to join you in fixing something or even knowing whether he WANTS to fix something unless and until you make it clear to them what it is they're even being asked to fix.
Just to clarify (maybe should have said before) it is not me that is withholding a relationship status. It is very complicated and neither of us want a real relationship but mainly his decision. I know that I was wrong to confront him about the texting issue for all the reasons that you have mentioned. I regretted it as soon as I sent it. My main issue is the way he is reacting. It hasn't gone back to normal. I have apologised but he is being really abrupt and unfriendly really. I seen him earlier and he wouldn't even look at me. We agreed that we would leave the bit of fun stuff there but I don't know why he is reacting like this. I think that deep down I was hoping for more than a bit of fun, but am only realising it now that it's gone completely. I don't know if I should just forget it or try again. If he had just said yeah let's be friends and gone back to the way it was before then I would have got that, but I don't know if he is acting like this because he likea me and is hurt or just annoyed.
You might have damaged his ego when you confronted him and told him that you wouldn't chase him.
What happens in some cases is that people expect each other to be mind readers and he might have thought that there was some kind of unwritten rule between the two of you that you did have a relationship just that you wouldn't call it as such and he might have been really hurt when you told him flat out that you should just "leave it there."
In any case, I'd say walk away from it. You can try to get back to being friends with him if he approaches you first, but otherwise, just leave things be and try to ignore him if he taunts you or anything similar.
Who originally initiated the agreement that you two would just be friends with benefits?
He did I guess..
Then that puts a very different light on it all.
I think he sensed you wanted more than just FWB and tried to take advantage of that aspirational weakness of yours. I think he thought he had you where he wanted you as his back-up gal and unpaid escort (leaving him free to pursue other women from a more confident/less desperate and libidinous (lecherous) position (hence summoning you with flirtation one minute only to ignore you through not needing you the next). He then got the surprise of his life that you had the chutzpah to basically dump him (you're a better actress than you thought). His ego didn't like it because HE was supposed to always be the one in the least vulnerable, least needy, most powerful position. Your failure, during these calls about 'other business', to crack and beg him back thereby SUPPORTED/PROVED your actions as not just bluff....and his ego's tantrum about him, the irresistable god, having been (how verray dare you!) REJECTABLE, is what you saw getting expressed on FB.
He's the perpetrator now feeling sorry for himself because you, the meant-to-be-victim, got one over on him. Victim Bully (specifically, user).
So, yup - you answered your own question. Ego just bruised.
...in which case - say it with me: "Neeeext!".
Thanks guys. I was feeling really bad but not anymore. Like you say - next lol
You're welcome. :-)