I'm finding it impossible to move on

So this is slightly long winded so i apologise in advance. At the start of last year I started talking to a boy in the year above,I'm not going to be cringey or cliche and say he was my soul mate because he probably isn't,but he's the closest I've come to one. We spoke and instantly clicked, online we could speak for hours on end about nothing and it would never get awkward,I saw him at school and we always used to smile at one another but I find it difficult approaching people so we didn't speak face to face really,on New Years eve we discovered we both had feelings for one another and,being as pathetic as I am I was ecstatic. Everything was so good we spoke about everything and anything,he was the one person I trusted,we made equal effort and although we weren't togeter,it felt like we were, and then his best friend ruined it. We always used to make equal effort and have private jokes but his bestfriend claimed I liked him too and he refused to talk to me when I hadn't done anything. Anyway we didn't speak for a while and I missed him so much so one day I just inboxed him and it was like old times except he was back with the girl he was with a while ago and that hurt a lot,but I didn't let onto him how he'd made me feel. Everything was like it was before but I had to accept we were just friends and that was difficult. But anyway we started speaking at school,we'd have run ins and considering I was usually awkward face to face we clicked just as much as we did online and I walked to the bus with him once and everything,idek it just felt right. In March time a lad that was expelled from our school who was expelled because of an incident involving me,him and a group of girls a few years ago,committed suicide. I was crushed and all I really needed was this lad to be there for me and tell me everything was going to be okay because that's what our friendship was like,but he went cold and ignored me for weeks before harshly saying he partly blamed me for this lads suicide even though he was expelled two years ago an hadn't spoken to this lad since. I got extremly depressed from this and got counselling and eventually this lad saw how hurt I was and said he disn't mean it. Call me stupid but I believed him because I could see he was hurting too. But then when we talked again it was different,I was always making effort but when I did our conversations made me so happy,he has this weird hold on me where after all this time of nearly two years he can change how I feel so easily by what he says. Anyway he told me constantly about him and his girlfriend and naturally I was jealous,but he said how special I was to him but the lack of effort suggested otherwise,when I asked him he shrugged it off and we had a small argument over it but I can't stay mad at him. And we're still like this now, we only speak if I inbox him but when we do speak he does suggest he cares because when things have got doffocult all I've had to do is ask him for help and he's been there. The thing is I do love him,I just think itd be easier on me if I only saw him as a friend but that's so difficult. It was my birthday on Monday and all i wanted was a message from him but I didn't get anything until I spoke to him,he promised me he had a massive plan for my birthday and then all I got was a simple 'happy birthday chlo' and as ridiculous as it sounds I was gutted,I had such high expectations from him for some reason and I felt like a mug,my friends tell me I need to move on but sometimes he shows me a side of him no one else has and I don't know what to do:(

To be frank, this guy is playing with you. Your expectations of him are misguided because if he thought as much of you of what you think of him, he'd be with you and treating you with respect. Look at his actions, rather than just listen to his hollow words and listen to your friends as well, because they can see what you can't. ..."but he said how special I was to him but the lack of effort suggested otherwise"..you have already asked and answered your own post with these words.