Stuck in the past. Help!

I seem to be stuck on a past experience... It's driving me crazy and I think that sharing it with people who are not part of the situation may help me get some objective advice. Here's what's up: When I was a Freshman in high school over a decade ago, I met a guy we'll call Ken. I thought Ken and I were just really good friends, Ken wanted to be more than friends. Over the 4 years of high school, I dated his friends and he dated other girls, but he still kept coming back to me and asking me what it would take for me to have him has my boyfriend. I remember him saying: "I'll bring you roses everyday if that's what it would take! I just want to be with you." I insisted that I saw him as a brother, not boyfriend material. One particularly memorable experience was when he dedicated a song to me at a high school dance. He was the DJ and music guru for our school was DJ-ing the dance. Then he came on the microphone and said something like: "I dedicate this song to a special woman in my life. This is for you." Then he turned on "Lips of an Angel" by Hinder, and motioned for me to come dance with him. He held me really close and sang along with the song the whole dance. For those of you who don't know, the song is about a guy who has a girlfriend but is in love with another woman. At the time he dedicated this song to me, he had a girlfriend. I felt so awkward the whole dance and was looking around nervously for his girlfriend. At the end of the dance, he looked right in my eyes for a few moments, then walked away. Despite his continued efforts, I didn't give in. I kept him locked in "the friend zone." On the night of our graduation, he offered to give me a ride to the all-night party at the high school. Once we arrived, I went off with a group of my girl friends and he went off with his guy friends. I honestly don't remember seeing him much that night. At 4 in the morning I got a ride home from my best friend. Ken called me the next day and was really annoyed that I didn't go home with him. He said that he wanted to spend time with me on Grad night. I just shrugged it off. After graduation, I saw him just one time. He and a friend came to visit me and my roommates at our college dorm room. I started college in the same town that I grew up in so it's not like this was a long journey for him or anything. I don't even remember why they came over in the first place. I just remember them coming over and eating with us and a bunch of other people, then they left. That was the last time I saw him. Fast-forward to now. It's been 7+ years since any contact with him and suddenly I have this dream with him in it. I dreamed that we ran into each other at some sort of event with a lot of people at a hotel. He confessed to me that he still had feelings for me. I told him that I didn't, and that I am happily married with a child. Still, I went with him to a private area and he tried to kiss me. I remember it feeling so wrong and that I didn't want to cheat on my husband. I woke up feeling very confused and embarrassed. Since that dream, I have had several dreams like that one. Some of them take place in high school again, others current times. I used to be Facebook friends with him once upon a time, so I thought that if I looked at his profile that I would get some closure and my brain would stop torturing me. Well it turns out he's deleted his account. I looked up his siblings pages to see if there was any info about him, and there wasn't. I was feeling pretty creepy right about then and decided to stop being a creepy facebook stalker. Then I had another dream. Gah!! But after that dream I finally narrowed it down to something: I feel guilty! I feel guilty for keeping him in the friend zone. I feel guilty for leading him on. I remember that considered dating him when I was in high school, but one of my friends talked me out of it by saying that he was all wrong for me and had done some bad stuff. SOO here's the issue: I regret not dating him! I am desperate to apologize to him for my selfish teenage girl actions, but I have no way to do that. I did write him a letter, and even though it will never get to him, it did help me sort out my thoughts. Still, I am so stuck in the "what might have been." What if we would have been really happy together? Where would I be now? Even if we didn't end up together long term, did I deny both of us some fun times and happiness? All of these "what ifs" are consuming me and it is really bad. I have a husband and child who I love more than life itself, so why do these thoughts keep coming in? I have this desperate desire to see him and apologize, but I don't think that will ever happen, and even if it did, he's probably long since moved on and is happy with another woman. I just can't get over the past. It's really driving me crazy. :'(

First of all, get rid of any reminders that you might have of him in your life. Whatever they might be, just get rid of them. If nothing actually triggered the series of dreams that you have been having, then they'll probably just go away on their own as long as you don't feed them. Learn to mentally put a red signal/stop light on your thoughts as soon as you find yourself thinking about him. Lastly, you might want to read this article on the subject: http://www.relationshippsychology.com/depression/how-to-let-go-of-the-past