Looking up ex on Facebook

My husband and I are happily married we have a great relationship and don't argue we are great together but I searched his activity on Facebook and he has been looking at his ex so many times and I don't get it! She was a nasty money grabber that never loved him and was a nightmare, she cheated on him and none of his friends could stand her and could see she was just after what she could get then he met me and we're so amazing together and I show him so much love and respect and make him so happy and everyone sees that so I don't understand why he searches for her? Is he still in love with her or is it just being curious to see what she's doing? Is it a big deal or normal to look up exes? Should I worry? I would just like the truth as to why he looks her up and I could handle it cos the wondering is driving me mad and I think what is it she had and he still wants her it's doing my head in and don't want to tell friends thanks

Your marriage can be great etc but you are lacking one of the main ingredients for a successful relationship and that's communication. Because of this, another main ingredient is being questioned and that's trust. The simple answer is to ask (communicate to) your husband why he needs to search for her.

I think I know why. The clue is in the fact he's doing nothing but LOOKING. Ever talked to (including yelled at) a photograph of someone? When you finally find a partner who makes you feel loved and valued like never before - dream coming true territory - it occurs to you how actually very EASY to achieve it is on the part of a partner of yours...which then begs the question even more than ever before, THEN WHY COULDN'T *EX* DO IT!? After enough time of reflecting and processing, you realise it was down to nothing more sinister than you not being their cup of tea enough or them having had issues that spoilt their otherwise ability to be a healthy and satisfactory relationship partner. But before then, when devoid of any way to question them over why they did this/said that, our minds naturally scrabble around for any seeming source of answers-origin we can find. Stupidly, this can even include staring hard at a picture of them and trying to gain answers THAT way. It's totally daft but... that's what you do when your new partner exacerbates, via superior shininess, your bitter opinion of the ex. You just can't understand, initially, why person B seemingly found you so damn difficult to love, desire, respect and constantly cherish compared to this new person A, your new partner, who seemingly can do it standing on his/her head. And then, of course, on top of this is the delayed portion of feeling of insult to your sense of justice, whereby you want to shake the ex hard by the shoulders and slap their face as a punctuation to your saying, 'What! Is! WRONG! With! You!?' It's just an ego thing, a process that has to be gone through as your final attachment root - the one that represented more an attachment to that particular era than to the individual and relationship per se - withers and drops out of them, now obsolete. Add also into the mix, this: The question, 'WTF was WRONG with me that I put up with all that sh*t for so long?!'...again, as if the photographic representation of the ex somehow secretly holds the answer if only you stare/visually concentrate and/or analyse for long enough. And then there are the 'evils', whereby you stare daggers at the person's photo as if that could somehow jinx them for vengeance and justice's sake, LOL. So the upshot is this: I think she treated him SOOOOO non-stop poorly that only now, with the help of all your tender loving care, has his ego got around to picking itself up off the floor, ready to finally gird its anger and need for revenge/justice, but yet having nowhere to direct it (save for inanimate images). FYI, I spent hours, on and off for months, lecturing the hell out of my ex's photos, LOL. The names I called him, etc., aren't even publishable on here. It was obviously a form of Goodbye/closure because very shortly after that was when I finally decided to jump more deeply with abandon into my relationship with my true soulmate, now husband, as represented the point of no return. :-) Put it this way: from all you describe of the ways in which she treated him, he would need his HEAD testing if it were symptomatically anything more sinister and threatening to you than mere indignance and outrage towards her (the ghost of her). Delayed reaction on his part, methinks. After years and years of 'beatings', some people take considerably longer than others to get their sense of confidence back, whereupon REAL outrage kicks in. And then, as you rightly say, is curiosity. But where you wish you could see (or are waiting to see) the effects of LIFE/FATE having dealt them a blow of justice....whether that's to be found in any outright, honest FB message of theirs or revealingly in between their words and 'behaviour' on there. I imagine if it were a stills photograph rather than an electronic one, you'd be seeing copious dart-marks and Biro zits and moustache and devil horns, LOL... in which case you wouldn't be wondering and worrying in the first place. Just celebrating. Hope that helps.