Life is a mess

Hello I'm graduating in Electronics in Portugal. I'm 20 (male). My problem isn't easy to explain, I've grown up in a little village and I'm very poor (financial speaking). My parents were and still are very harsh to me, I've never had a normal life with summer vacations, or swimming classes or kindergarten because my parents couldn't afford them. Therefore I went to university only because I have a cousin studying in Lisbon, and I moved in. My cousin is kind of autist, I don't hate him but he has no interest for daily normal conversations, it's good to ask a maths problem, bad to discuss something else besides science. Also he refuses to cooperate with daily activities like cooking or shopping, so I live practically alone. I never had a girlfriend because I often had to dress used clothes from my brother and I never had money to get out at night. Now I've obtained a scholarship from my good grades and I've my independence, but I think I've lost to much of my life, I don't have much experiences to talk about, I not have many skills (I don't even know how to swim), I live with severe backache because I've spinal degenerecence (khyposis) that also ruins my physical appearance. a couple years ago i've met a girl named Marta that is one of my best friends, she's fun, outgoing, very pretty and friendly, and she is very intelligent and deep. we talk and laugh a lot and there is truly a connection it seems that I could talk to this girl years and years without end. I finished to like her but she has a boyfriend that is perfect like her (good looking, good families, outgoing and rich). I can handle that she can't be my girlfriend but I cannot handle the fact that I've been damaged for to long that I would never get a perfect girl like her not only because they are very hard to find but also because I'm not.. a year ago I've started to sleep bad and it worsen month after month, I did college exams without sleeping, I'm getting nervous and anxious, I have to study hard and I don't find piece of mind. I have good friends but they have scattered along the time and I feel lonely most of the time. I miss a girl, I miss a good family, I miss a life and I've to focus on study. All days no exception I cannot sleep well, it gets 1h 2h to fall asleep and when I sleep it's very superficial. I've been to psychiatrists and I take drugs to fall asleep (mirtazapine) it works but I feel very dizzy during the day. I've trouble to concentrate at classes. Living is harsh, graduating is tough, living alone is hard, being poor is not very useful, long insomnias and anxiety is bad. All this together is to much for me. I fight as hard as I can but the fight is killing me.I'm losing hope. I don't expect nothing from this site I did this for conscious relief but replies are always welcome. I'm Portuguese and I did not reviewed this text so I apologize for some errors or bad structurized text.