Husband calls me controlling

My husband & I had a couple friend that we enjoyed hanging out with for a while. A couple years into our friendship they decided we were like family and the wife decided to take it upon herself and scold my 9 year old for not wanted to play with her 13 year old. Only she did it 2 weeks after he said he didn't want to even after seeing me she never mentioned he had hurt her childs feelings. (Hope that makes sense) anyways my child comes home crying and I'm angry. So I send her a text letting her know how I feel. That we personally don't want our 9 year old playing with a 13 year old and she had no right to scold him! So the husband try's to discuss with my husband. My husband tells him we didn't appreciate it and basically gets the your kids are like family to us and we felt it was ok to do. Long story short I let it blow over. Next our 12 year old fights with their 12 year old. They are no longer friends for about a month. So mine decides she's tired of feeling awkward and asks her if she wants to start over. She says sure then sends 2 emails on 2 different days saying she changed her mind. Mine gets upset and hurt and sends one back saying it's ok yours a BRATT and smell. The wife calls it serious drama and contacts the school labeling my child as a bully and she ends up missing lunch and one class sitting in the councelors office crying. I'm livid and so is hubby. So he deals with it with thd husband because I'm done with these people now. They are no longer really friends but still play a sport together on Fridays. I asked my husband not to ask him back next season because it's awkward and I want them completely out of our lives and he calls me controlling. Says I can't tell him who to talk to and act like his mother. He feels I wont even let him have a guys night and I think he just should work and has to come straight home. Ok married almost 13 years the only guys time he's ever had consists of drinking and driving buzzed (which is the same as drunk in my eyes). Am I controlling or is he comparing me to his mother who controlled him his whole life and being spiteful? Yea I don't like him hanging out drinking. We have 2 kids and I value my family time.

Thank you for the advice. It's hard to put it all in writing for it to make sense. Yes my kids act like kids and do/say things they shouldn't. There's so much more to the story. I don't know where to begin. The 13 year old has Aspergers disease and has been violent towards my 9 year old. Pushing, hitting, stepping on his head, even carried a huge butcher knife outside saying he protects himself. My 9 year old never hit back or anything and always came and told me when something happened. It was our decision to tell him not to play with him. The sister of the child is ok. Typical 12 year old girl drama that yes we tell our daughter to walk away and try to ignore issues. Even the school councelor felt the mother crossed the line and shouldn't have brought a personal issue up to the school. My husband doesn't like these people but won't ask him to stop playing on his team even though it's awkward for him. I feel him being there with his family won't make any issue go away. Now my husband was controlled his entire life by his mom and no longer speaks to her, he hasn't in 10 years. Any opinion or suggestion I have is considered controlling to him. I just want what's best for my family. My kids aren't perfect but they don't deserve to be around bully/violent kids. I'm very open to opinions and wonder if it's me being selfish towards him or maybe I'm controlling I don't know I'm confused! As far as drinking goes we have drinks together typically but when it comes to guys alone they get carried away. Just to sum up my reasoning my father is brain damaged from drunk driving 14 years ago and we care for him. I feel my 37 year old husband should respect me when I voice my concern. Besides his father is crippled from being hit by a drunk driver 25 years ago. I truly believe it's being spiteful and not wanting anyone to tell him what to do. Please be honest, am I beinb rediculous? I think there's a chance I am but I want an opinion from people who don't actually know us. Thank you