Gf doesn't seem to want me

I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years now and I feel like she doesn't want anything to do with me. It's been 6months our so since we've been intimate and every time I say something about it she complains that all I care about is sex. She gets upset if I grab her but or try anything sexual trying to talk to her results in argument and she always truss to put all the blame on me. My friends think she might be cheating and say I should cheat or leave her. I have never cheated and don't plan to start now. I've thought about leaving but I want to work it out i still love her and other than being frigid we don't have any major problems. Any advice?

Yes we live together. Hygiene is top notch. I take her out all of the time I hosubstantial amount o buy flowers in fact she just mentioned the other day going to dinner doesn't feel special because we do it so much. The two of us and my daughter (not hers) live together. Have gained or lost any substatial amount of weight. She was working a crappy job. And going to school to get a better job and was saying how she was too tired so I told her to work less then she was stressed becuase she wasn't making enough money even though I was then she graduated and got a new job which she loves and still kept her other one but is only working 20ish hours at each and still isn't happy. I took a job that doubled my Income and she is upset about that because im working long hours. Im trying to save money to get my own car and she doesnt want me to do that. She's mad that I dont trust her bexuase every time she leaves a room she takes her phone at night she hides it under her pillow and her ringer is always off and when ever she's on phone texting and I walk by she closes it out and hides it. She has had someone text her about sex before and I saw it and she said it (someone she worked with) she said it was just an ass hole and nothing was happening. I talked to the guy and he said they had been sexting but nothing else and she denied even that. She also claims I dont do anything that I come home from work and don't clean. But when I come home and want to see her and rub her shoulders or kiss her neck she says she's busy trying to cook or clean or w/e she's doing and acts like im bothering her so after being shut down like that for so long yeah I dont really do much just get depressed and sit and watch tv or something. She thinks I need to trust her u conditionally and claims she's never given me any reason not to and if I ever ask for her phone she would let me see it and gets mad when I say something about it. For example my phone was dead and upstairs charging and we needed to look something up and I asked to use her phone so she stopped what she was doing to grab her phone and look it upgraded after she just wanted me to look it up becuase she was busy then when I mentioned why I couldn't just see her ohone and did it she got all upset about how I dont trust her. All I get is a small kiss and a hug here and there. No sex no touching cant look at her either she was going to take a show and I mentioned joining her in the shower trying to be romantic and she refused rhat too. And if I ever ask to see her naked or send me a picture or anything her reply is that she's not a whore and if I grab her ass im degrading her. She cooks cleans and helps raise and take care of my daughter like she's her own but wants nothing to do witg me physically. I feel like she only stays with me bexuase she loves my daughter so much.

Any advice? It's out fixable, Should I keep trying to make it work our should I move on.

Talk to her; tell her you're feeling uncomfortable. If she doesn't understand, try and explain it to her. Please let me know if this doesn't work out and I will give you more advice if you want! Good luck!

Come on now, face the reality. What possible reason could she have, that was innocent, for suddenly taking her phone everywhere with her and even putting it under her pillow (where you can't get at it whilst she sleeps), and acting guilty as hell in closing it the minute you pass by where you might see what she's up to? You said yourself she was already caught red-handed, sexting with someone. What more evidence do you need? She's either trying to find a replacement relationship or is trying to make you THINK she is. You DON'T need more evidence, do you. What YOU want to know is how to salvage the relationship. You realise that's going to take work? ...basically the workload you should have executed day-by-day since Day 1 but kidded yourself didn't exist? Trouble is, *unless* she's putting on a cheating act or is deliberately LETTING you get wind of her shennanigans every time, I think the time for saving it might be long gone. When one partner cheats, they're actually NOT destroying the relationship, they're reacting to - posing commentary about - the fact of it already being a corpse on the floor. What they're destroying via the act of cheating is its chances of ***being resuscitatable***. Here's what I noticed, which no doubt contributed to the relationship dying: Here's you and she, cohabiting like a married couple - i.e. marriage without the legal obligations, marriage sans piece of paper - and yet you describing the minutae of your lives as if you're both SINGLE. I refer specifically to this 'hers' versus 'mine' attitude where concerns finances. Where is the 'OURS'? There is no 'i' in Team. Not ONLY are you seemingly there, expecting perks of married life without the work as includes a sharing of wealth and assets, but it appears she even TRIED to alert you to the unfairness and neglect when she basically said, 'Help - my trying to earn a decent-enough income is knackering and stressing me out!'. And yet, what was your response? Was it to offer to assist financially? NOPE. It was basically advice to cease doing the very thing she didn't want to be having to do but HAD to. How insensitive and 'I'm alright, Jack' is that? Why WOULD you expect a woman to want to continue sharing something sacrosanct of hers when apparently you aren't even willing to share what should be a TRIVIA in comparison to the wealth of getting to share your life with your soulmate? I know I wouldn't. I'd think, 'Eff you, pal - if I and this relationship you have with me apparently isn't even special enough in your mind to warrant you sharing or wanting to OFFER to share your less important wealth with me or, worse, to even notice I need a lifeline in the FIRST place, then why the hell should I treat you like you're special with something valuable of MINE?!' She may WELL have fixed her financial problem after graduating. But how does a body fix a huge, seemingly permanent blot on the relationship landscape like that. It's never going to go away, is it..too late - it's done. Only UN-doing it is possible, i.e. by overlaying it with doing what's RIGHT. Did you? Did you suddenly change that 'what's yours is yours and what's mine is (all) mine' attitude? Doesn't sound like it, does it. Mad that you don't trust her re. what she's up to on her phone? More like, she's mad that in one facet of the relationship you act like you OWN her whilst simultaneously in another equally big facet of the relationship, acting like, no, you DON'T. Read that paragraph again. You can't have it BOTH ways. What idiot told or taught you you could? So seemingly-evidently, you didn't trust her LONG before this texting/attempting to cheat business. If you had, then, the minute you and she started living together you'd have been as much as possible sharing every single available facet of yourself and your life with her...including "your" money...so that you weren't left with this situation of one spouse comfortably off whilst the other was struggling. How is THAT fair? How it THAT team spirit? Sharing your body - making love - making love *manifest* - likewise is an expression of team spirit, as well a reflection of how rich and healthy the state of that team is. It is for women, anyway. Put it more simply: she had a bag of toffees and you had a bag of mint imperials. You've been expecting her to share her toffees but didn't see fit to reciprocate with your mints. Berbom. That's not equal interaction. Same goes for when she spells out that she needs help with the housework and instead, what YOU set about doing is what pleases YOU: trying to get affection or (if you're lucky and she responds right) sex. Why on earth should SHE be the one to do all the cooking and cleaning? Is she your wife whose job is full-time housewife whilst you go out to earn the bacon, thus making all these chores her portion of the overall workload? Evidently, you don't think of her as your wife figure, because, again, when it comes to the BIG, IMPORTANT stuff, there's you, going (with your lack of actions), 'Mine! Mine-mine-mine-mine-mine!' like one of Nemo's seagulls. I mean, you sit there and get depressed? Lucky you that you even HAVE that luxury of 'sitting there' whilst someone else is doing all the housekeeping chores! How up your own a-hole is it, that you'd rather sit on your arse feeling sorry for yourself than put 2 and 2 together and do as she asks (which is your fair share, anyway)?? Oh, isn't it so much easier to lack understanding and thereby take umbrage. Subconscious avoidance tactics, anyone? And taking her out all the time? That's YOU deciding to spend money on she and (AND) you, AND having all the say about how. That is not generosity or benevolence, it's certainly not altruism towards the one person in this world you should know to display it towards. Those things would have been you ensuring both of you tantamountedly-married spouses always ended up with roughly the same level of disposal income (after bills) at the end of each month, so as to ensure EQUALTY (of carefreedom and contentedness). I mean... - expected her to also help you look after your daughter, play free-of-charge part-time childminder or even substitute mother, did you? So of COURSE, given that total picture, those meals don't feel special any more. Taking her out to restaurants, buying her flowers - that's you doing what YOU want and need to do and kidding yourself its for her benefit when you KNOW what would benefit her most. She didn't need - NEED - restaurant food, did she. She didn't need - NEED - flowers. If those things are given ON TOP of the fundamental expressions of team spirit towards ones woman, THEN they're gestures of romance. Otherwise, if they come IN PLACE of a show of real, important team attitude, they're not romancing, they're compensation...and the wrong form at that. IOW, that's as ridiculous as offering to throw a drowning individual a towel instead of throwing them a lifebelt. Now: DO not get me wrong: cheating is no acceptable solution to that problem, it's still wrong. She should have dared to have told it like it was - and LONG before your actions (or, rather, lack of them) got to bit-by-bit kick the love and respect out of her, not merely level pathetic hints of beseechment at you. Or DID she ever just come right out and basically say, 'Help me, I'm drowning?!'? If she did, if you ignored that and basically just stood by watching her struggle in the (financial) water, not taking the measures she actually wanted and NEEDED to feel saved and safe, then you co-created this situation you find yourself, sure as eggs is eggs. And the name of the monster is 100% Financial Abuse and 70% Emotional Neglect. Emphasis on 'if'. But that's definitely how the whole dynamic of your relationship comes majorly across up there in your own voluntary descriptives. If this woman is REALLY cheating rather than just deliberately pretending to (to put you back on your toes) then you've got to accept what led to her/your relationship getting into that state in the first place, Stanley, and seriously change your whole attitude more towards what a fair and equal relationship looks, feels and works like. Whether there's still time is anyone's guess. Lecture over. But now that I've (hopefully) enlightened you over what a grown man shouldn't have needed enlightenment in the first place - listen again to what she's REALLY saying when she says, 'I'm not a whore'. Oh, aye, THEY'D shag a man for nothing but the price of a meal and bunch of roses. But not her. She's your WIFE. (Or was?)

I think you misunderstood the situation, she wasn't making enough money to pay half the bills and most of the money she did make was going to cigarette diet pop ect. I was using my income to pay the bills take her to dinner here and there buy her gas when she was low on funds and get her what ever else she needed. I said she should work less to relieve stress and I paid the bills.. im not sure where you got that I wasn't sharpening funds with her. I have talked talked to her several times and told her that I feel out relationship has hit a dead end and seemingly isn't going anywhere. She always relies that sex is all I care about that not everyone wants sex and that it isn't important. I understand this is going to take work to fix, but im not looking for someone to fuck and have some laughs with im looking for my end game a wife and I know married life isn't easy at times. I just feel like im doing all the compromising and am beginning to wonder if she doesn't want to do anything with me now then even if I find a way to make her happy and she does start being physical again will it be real or something she's doing to keep things going even tho she doesn't want me.

Also as far as the house work and cleaning goes. Its not like I never do anything, its just that the stuff I do doesn't seem significant to her. Ill pick up the living room do some dishes do a Loa of laundry and it turns into there 5more loads why didnt you do then.. ok you straighten up the living room and swept what about the kitchen. So you scrubbed two pots and loaded the dishwasher big deal that's not hard. If im working 60+ hours a week and come home after a long day to the woman I love and she wants nothing to do with me then no I dont clean the whole house on my one day off. so i watch football. If you think I should change that and out forth more effort im willing to give it a try, so if what you think is I should go to work come home do some cleaning and then go to bed so I can get up and go back to work, how long should I attempt this to give it a fair shot? I feel like I might get burnt out rather quick if I work 12-15 hours then come home and clean for couple more.

One more small clarification. She wants to be the bread winner, she wants to be able to walk into the store and buy what she wants when she wants so even if im paying the bills she's still upset that she cant just go shopping. That isn't really something I can change for her. I've offered to help her find a job and even had one lined up for her but she complained it wasn't the type she wanted.

You’re still not seeing it enough, are you. Starting to - hence the subtle backpedaling in the form of - whoops! - confessions. But not quite. Let me answer you paragraph by paragraph... 1. Why on earth would anyone who’d got a better-paying job insist on keeping the very second job as saw them complaining of exhaustion and stress if allegedly that person suddenly had no need, thanks to her oh-so-generous spouse? 2. If you and she had equal amounts of *disposal* personal income, how come only SHE was having to work two jobs and not you? 3. If she smokes and drinks fizzy pop so much you deem this habit somehow justification-worthy over why she doesn’t have as much personal, post-bills spending power/freedom as you, how come her teeth haven’t rotted by now as would require the expense of serious dental work (as would undoubtedly have got mentioned)? 4. Do you somehow see it that she’s made a rod for her own back because she’s long addicted to cigarettes (a known, psychosomatic de-stressor), thereby it's her own tough tittie? 5. If she has comparable disposal income, yet ISN’T the one buying the restaurant meals for two, and ISN'T the one who can, quote, walk into a store and buy what she wants (needs?) when she wants (needs?), how come all you can find to criticize her over in terms of so-called frivolity of expenditure is piddly bog-standard basics like cigarettes and fizzy pop, hmm? ERROR – DOES NOT COMPUTE. People on state benefits get cigs and soft drinks, you know. What DOES compute, via evidence provided by you in the form of descriptions of her actions and behaviour (and your own both volunteered and worked out by me using simple 2+2=4 logic), despite your denials, is this: her NOT possessing personal power of *independent* expenditure equal to your own following all compulsory expenditure (bills), which would explain WHY in the first instance you described the financial dynamic in terms of ‘his and hers’ rather than OURS, plus why when needing to justify yourself you chose to pick on what are actually considered small, bog-standard, nothing-to-write-home about lifestyle pleasures (incomparable to the funds required for saving for an actual car) of (wait for it) … cigarettes and fizzy pop. Either you’d have me believe [1] that all of this represents my cue to break into song about your common-law wife with, “Hey, Big Spender”, or [2] that she seriously chain-smokes and drinks to degree of actually poverty-striking herself, or that [3] the woman you chose to live 24/7 with is actually unreasonable to the point of clinically round the twist (including seriously masochistic). Which? Why, if she was struggling to pay even less than the technically half share amount of the bills unless she worked two jobs per day (and even then!), with her only luxuries being cigs and pop as excluded the ability to simultaneously always afford petrol, was she having to pay any of the bills or more than a fraction of the bills in the first place? Coo and gosh, here’s a radical idea: Maybe sometimes SHE would like to be the one who could afford such things after bills as restaurant meals for two and fuel (on top of piddly bloody basics like cigs and pop), rather than having to rely constantly on you (because you don’t subsidise her PROPERLY despite you clearly have the means, which makes her feel like the constant underdog)? She clearly has a car. I’m betting either you’re allowed to drive it or she ferries you around wherever you want to go. What – you don’t like that only she has a car? You don’t like having to rely on HER for something? Because it’s supposed to be solely her that relies on you? And if it IS her car that provides means of transport for both of you - how come you make out that your occasionally contributing to fuel is you somehow doing her a favour? News for you: the relationship is supposed to be overall equal between an apple and a banana, the point being Fruit Salad. If that means you rely on her for A, B and C, she relies on you for D, E and F. If you appreciated the truthful concept of Reap What You Sow, and were clever enough, then never MIND working up to doing your fair share, you'd be raring to do MORE - out of the further-sighted knowledge that you'd get back that amount, and possibly then some, in other ways and formats. I.e. she's happy = you're happy = you're happy = she's happy = her problems are yours = your problems are hers....but someone has to TAKE THE LEAD. And you men always said and keep saying, 'That's us!'. With power comes *responsibility*. Where power is taken *without* responsibility, it's not leader-ship, it's despotism. You clearly can’t or refuse to see it, but to someone like me who’s in an equal relationship, as means one pot donated to ***PROPORTIONATELY half-and-half*** rather than literally, out of which all bills are paid and THEN what remains getting split 50:50 literally – the situation you, repeat YOU YOUR VERY SELF describe, is all arse-about-face and NOT how a real, admirable man behaves... PARTICULARLY if she's doing more of the regular household workload as well. Illustration: Total Monthly Lifestyle Bills = £2 Your monthly salary: £5 Minus any personal debts: £2 Her monthly salary: £2 Minus any personal debts: £1 Your share to pay: £1.50 Her share to pay: 50p Your disposable balance: 50p Her disposable balance: 50p Result: :-) + :-) Ta-daaa - magic! Or don't try to sneak a wife in through the back door under the radar of law and justice and expect to keep her for forever or even for as long as you hoped. That simple. You abuse her and you're just abusing yourself - merely the long way around. Repeat: you abuse her and you're just abusing yourself - merely the long way round. But as it's not just to do with the finances, back we go to the issue of helping out with chores when you get home from a day’s work after SHE gets home from a day’s work. 6. Why, when you both do a day of work, is she the one doing the cooking each night (and clearly cleaning as well, considering she’s there voicing worry about it)? What do you do around the house? And if you do – why does she believe she has cause for complaint? Again, is it just that she's insane? 7. Why would you think being kissed and hugged is any logical remedy to someone being too up against it and stressed about the evening’s chores to point of expecting or asking for help with them? Would that have anything to do, do you think, with why she claims sex is all you care about (meaning not her feelings and welfare)? Or is she unreasonable to the point of bonkers in this regard as well as fiscally? “am beginning to wonder if she doesn't want to do anything with me now even if I find a way to make her happy” What, so you’re saying after 3 long years with her you haven’t found a way yet? Chop-chop, you’re a bit slow, aren’t you? Here – what about, instead of wondering, getting out the hoover whenever she’s busy with the cooking instead of trying to neck her? No? Doesn’t appeal nor even strike you as a piss-easy solution? Air, hi veray queer. So, seemingly, you’d have me believe - were you, for instance, carrying a tea-tray of beloved, expensive crystal which, due to stepping on something on the floor that seriously unbalanced you, started sliding off the tray – you’d really appreciate her rushing up to ….neck and cuddle you?...or even... ...“I grab her ass” Oh, be still, my beating heart, that’s too much romance for me (I might swoon in a minute). More on the financial side (but not really, it's the one same issue merely expressed through different holes)... “She cooks cleans and helps **raise** and take care of my daughter ** like she's her own** ” Live-in cleaner per annum: c. £12,000. Daily, live-in, part-time, merely competent cook (evening and weekend meals for 2) per annum: c. £15,00. Part-time nanny per annum (adjusted to reflect lack of formal qualifications despite experience): c. £18,000. Total c. £45,000 per annum. So, this contribution of yours to “her” literally-half-split share of the bills including occasional fuel contribution towards the car you benefit from – how much is it again/how big are your bills again? “Its not like I never do anything, its just that the stuff I do doesn't seem significant to her. Ill pick up the living room do some dishes do a Loa of laundry and it turns into there 5more loads why didnt you do then.. ok you straighten up the living room and swept what about the kitchen. So you scrubbed two pots and loaded the dishwasher big deal that's not hard” Not like you NEVER do anything? So *sometimes* you do? Cheers, got it. Does *she* only sometimes? Not if there are 5 loads of laundry and you only doing ONE OF THEM AS LEAVES FOUR MORE, she doesn’t. Do you HOOVER AND DUST the living room, and on a regular basis (and not just the most conveniently-accessible and visible floor parts and surfaces)? You can’t do, can you, or else you’d without any shadow of doubt have used that fact to defend your stance. That, my friend, is a Gotcha! (Are we awake yet?) “If im working 60+ hours a week and come home after a long day to the woman I love and she wants nothing to do with me then no I dont clean the whole house on my one day off. so i watch football.” (You do what? Oh. My. GOD.) Tell me, do: which day is *her* day off? You, Sonny Jim, are your own worst enemy. You haven’t got a clue, and whenever you DO have a clue, you whinge about it. And what you whinge is THE most illogical thing possible, i.e. - why should you act on it when the woman isn’t behaving towards you like would a woman whose man is behaving towards her in considerate ways as include HELPING HER WITH WHAT IS EQUALLY *HIS* HOUSEWORK. (Self-imposed vicious circle, anyone?) And despite you’re refusing to do the chores because you have a beef with her despite she IS doing the chores despite she has a beef with you (which *must* be bigger than yours or else it’d be YOU feeling too brimmingly resentful for nookie)- you reckon YOU’RE the one doing all the compromising despite in the same breath saying you’re willing to GIVE IT (i.e. fairness) A “TRY” as means START TO? Or has she gone on strike, too, and it’s currently your DAUGHTER who’s doing all the weekly food shopping, preparation, cooking and clearing up; house tidying, cleaning, hovering, dusting and polishing; clothes laundering, hanging out to dry and ironing, whilst looking after her own childhood needs? And allegedly *I’m* the one who has misunderstood the situation??? Why don’t you have a little thinkipoos, Mr *TWELVE*-to-fifteen-hour-working-day, about how much MORE knackered and sleep deprived you’d be if you lived in that house - *as* it stands at current standards - with your daughter ON YOUR OWN. Knackered or living in a pig-sty with no choice in between would be where you were at. (Would get burnt out. PFF. You want to try being your working wife for a week.) I’ll tell you something for nothing, you certainly wouldn’t have time to be corresponding on a forum. Is this kind of marital set-up so deeply ingrained a template for you that you're bang-slap in denial, believing it's NORMAL? Are you going to wake up to yourself quick-sharpish and be a full-grown man, or am I wasting my time on someone who believes he’s married to his mother just in a younger form, with serious over-entitlement issues, including expecting mother-son unconditional love to boot (or else whom doesn’t even HAVE a problem but is merely some kind of masochist who adores getting repeatedly reality-slapped until red in the face (by moi))? Let’s finish for now on a simplification, shall we: [a] Lose her forever-Amen. [b] Do whatever many hours’ house chores per evening and weekend as, after length of respective daily working hours, *REPRESENTS* FAIR HALF SHARE. Only once you *have - past tense* pushed your past personal feelings aside and, quote, tried, yet thereafter she’s STILL denying you sex and affection whilst texting behind your back either for real or for alarm-sounding effect (as will inevitably sooner or later turn into the real McCoy anyway), can you sit there and say either [1] that you have none or insufficient quantity of relationship blood on your hands or [2] finally tried your best but it was just too late in the day. Now then, has that woken you up or should I now resort to typing non-stop this: 'DIDDLE-EH-DUH!, DIDDLE-EH-DUH!, DIDDLE-EH-DUH!, DIDDLE-EH-DUH!...' Or this: "WARNING-WARNING...THIS RELATIONSHIP WILL SELF-DESTRUCT IN T MINUS 10 MINUTES"....MWAAP-WWAAP-MWAAP!...."WARNING-WARNING...THIS RELATIONSHIP WILL SELF-DESTRUCT IN T MINUS 9 MINUTES....." ?

I have to walk to work because she wants to sleep as long as she can so when I need to pay the majority of the bills and cant save more than a little to go to dinner once or twice a week I get frustrated as I am desperately trying to avoid another winter walking in below freezing temps. And its not like im made there is not sex, I mean that is disappointing but mostly im just tired of feeling like im never a priority. Cooking is more important house work is more important reading a book is not important. Last night she got mad at me becuase I tried to say good night and give her a hug while she was clearing her stuff off rhe table to work on another project. Seems like I should be able to get 30sec of her time to say hey I love you how was your day ill see you tomorrow. However I know i can be stubborn and not see yhings they way others do. I do see what youre saying and I suppose I have been acting selfish, I have been looking at it like why should I do this when you won't do that and I shouldn't. I will give what youre saying a try. I will pay the bills do the house work and stop trying to recive affection. If this works im in your debt, if not atleast ill know for sure its over. Thank you for taking the time to read over this and provide me with your insight.

Being a woman myself, I can tell you the possibilities of things that can be going through her head First thing first she might be bored and need some excitement in her life- instead of the usual routine of flowers and gifts or taking her to dinner, why won't you take her on an exciting vacation or take her to a community center and do some activities with her? Like pottery or art or something? Take her to a concert or a show or something. Now, if that doesn't work and she doesn't want to do any of that with you she might be depressed. I go through it a lot and sometimes I take it out on my bf because I don't want to be touched, I don't want to talk to anyone, and I don't want to go out and do anything- and he makes it worse to the point where I am infuriated and pissed because he tries to interject his opinion onto me and acts like he knows how I am feeling, and no offense, you don't ever tell a woman how she should feel. Sometimes you need to give her some space and let her clear her head- during this depression there could be a lot more that lies underneath than what she is letting on- I did the same thing- I would talk to other guys and I tried to go as far as arranging sex but I never went through it because I couldn't bare the thought of hurting him- the reason I did that was because I went through a beauty crisis. I just hit my mid twenties and sometimes women who hit their mid twenties go through these hormonal changes and their body changes and they age a little more and it really makes us feel horribly unattractive- I talked to these guys so I could pretty much hear a compliment from them to know that I still look attractive and I left it at that. The big issue is she may be horribly depressed and feel unattractive and a big factor on why she doesn't want you touching her could be the fact that she might start becoming self conscious of her aging and stuff- Or pardon me for being so blunt, she just might not be happy or satisfied with you any longer, and that is why she is acting the way she is, but she isn't too comfortable on being up front and leaving right away yet because she knows she has it good with you financially and she is comfortable where she is at, but just not satisfied with you sexually, and the flame that she had for you blew out. Ultimately, I don't know, nor do you know what is going on in her head so you need to have a serious talk with her and ask her straight up what the hell is going on, and talk to her have a serious talk find out what's going on and strike up a deal with her. You will never know what's going on until you talk to her- and a tip- don't bring up sex immediately- bring up the real issues going on in your relationship that you know are there and then work your way to the sex- she might just be going through a thing where she is bored with sex with you and wants to mess around and if that is the case agree with it but only on the condition that you can mess around too- I mean make compromises wither her if you want it to work with her and if you really love her. An did she really doesn't want it to work, I hate to say that you just need to come with the terms and move on.

(Just bringing your message down here to save me scrolling back and forth) I haven't read anyone else's reply so, sorry for any duplications. ************* "I have to walk to work because she wants to sleep as long as she can so when I need to pay the majority of the bills and cant save more than a little to go to dinner once or twice a week I get frustrated as I am desperately trying to avoid another winter walking in below freezing temps. And its not like im made there is not sex, I mean that is disappointing but mostly im just tired of feeling like im never a priority. Cooking is more important house work is more important reading a book is not important. Last night she got mad at me becuase I tried to say good night and give her a hug while she was clearing her stuff off rhe table to work on another project. Seems like I should be able to get 30sec of her time to say hey I love you how was your day ill see you tomorrow. However I know i can be stubborn and not see yhings they way others do. I do see what youre saying and I suppose I have been acting selfish, I have been looking at it like why should I do this when you won't do that and I shouldn't. I will give what youre saying a try. I will pay the bills do the house work and stop trying to recive affection. If this works im in your debt, if not atleast ill know for sure its over. Thank you for taking the time to read over this and provide me with your insight." *************** Answer me point by point, please. First off, understand where I'm coming from. I'm oft brusque but I'm not unfair (never!). This isn't about blame. As far as I'm concerned, you're BOTH being tw*ts to have let things get to this. The issue of who started it has to be ignored, however, because you'd need a time-machine to know that with any precision thus validity. But someone has to be the clever grown-up and stop the rot. That's you (because I don't have access to her). 1. Not driving you to work sounds very selfish. Why doesn't she? [a] Does she get to bed later than you because of how long into the evening it takes her to clean up after supper, etc., meaning she doesn't get to sit down til 9 or 10pm? [b] Does it go some way to showing she's actually depressed? [c] Does she, like most women, need more hours sleep than a man? [d] Is she of the same mind as you in terms of thinking, 'Pff, why SHOULD I when he's not doing this/that/this for me!'? [e] Other reason? You do KNOW somewhere inside you so - which would you put your money on? 2. It sounds like your money would be better spent elsewhere than routinely on a frequent luxury (restaurant meals out every week or twice weekly) you keep saying you can ill afford. She doesn't appreciate the meals ANYWAY (because it's not of her choosing nor her need) so why not put that money towards the bills and your car fund? Note I said *and*: If you cease the meals yet DON'T compensate in some other, better way, then, irrespective that she doesn't appreciate them, she'll still be aware of what they represented, miss THAT, and then feel even MORE hard-done-by. 3. But how come I've had to point out to you - a grown man - how you could more intelligently use that restaurant budget? Is this - you playing dumb - a symptom of your digging in your heels, not WANTING to be the remedies initiator? 4. "im just tired of feeling like im never a priority" Well, then, cease being tired of it and do something about it - rising above your pride and making her, nay SHOWING her that she's *your* priority. Men set the tone and example in the home. A famous French philosopher said that, and it's true. Again - you elected yourselves leaders so follow is what a lot of women do, whether they're even aware they're doing it or not (not, usually). 5. "I tried to say good night and give her a hug while she was clearing her stuff off rhe table to work on another project." Here you go again. WHY DIDN'T YOU OFFER TO *HELP* HER AND *THEN* GIVE HER A HUG? I repeat: drowning woman she no wantee towel, she wantee lifee beltee. (Jeez Louise?!) She hasn't *got* 30 seconds. She'd have to *make* it. And you don't make time for someone who won't expend effort for *you*. Capiche? I'm betting it's that she doesn't *want* to do something helpful like drive you to work. Can you now see why? It's like you're setting yourself up! Are you sure it's not YOU who wants out of this relationship? How old are you, btw? What was your parents' daily interaction like? 6. "I will give what youre saying a try. I will pay the bills do the house work and stop trying to recive affection. If this works im in your debt, if not atleast ill know for sure its over." Good, precisely. Much better. Yes, start sowing *now* and you'll find out by whether or what and how much you reap, whether or not the ground is still fertile enough (and whether it needs fertilizer). So *when* are you going to tell her you've decided based on seeing how utterly pissed off with her lot she is, that you're going to do more to help (listing specifics)?

"You can hire a house cleaner once or twice a week. Problem somewhat solved." Did you catch that of Susie's, Rukkus? EXCELLENT idea! (Shame so many now-ex-husbands didn't ever think of that.) And I also agree with Morti advising you not to make sex a top mention. In fact, I'd say don't bring it up at all. Fix the problems, get back to lovey-doveyness and the sex will automatically follow.

Oh, and PS - just to make DOUBLY sure you don't dig your heels in over your-sorry, yours and her meals out every week... "I-can-eat my din-ner in-a fan-cy restaurau-au-au-au-au-aaant But-a nothing!...I-said a-nothing can take a-wayyy these bluuuuuuuuuuues... 'Cause nooo-thing com-pares, No-THING! com-pares...2U" [taps side of nostril]

first i can tell you i do not believe she is cheating on you, sometimes we as women feel lonely even though you are standing right in front of us. trying holding her without asking for sex or making sexual advances, help her with little things without her having to ask, surprise her make her feel special because sometimes all we need is to know that someone cares.

Aye. ...And to feel you're not someone's free-of-charge housekeeper, nanny, nurse and bottlewasher when the original job application you responded to said LOVER-SOULMATE. And whilst, I'm sure, we've got other male eyes on this thread, I'm also going to add that it's a psychological *fact* that to make someone happy, you don't even have to succeed at achieving whatever it is they want or need, just to TRY to the point of visible/tangible endeavour. A lot of men think, I can't win at that so I'm not even going to bother to attempt it. "Big mistake...HUGE!..." (- name the film!). Genuinely trying *is* succeeding. As for her phone behaviour, it's hard from here to say with any certainty what that's all about. But it's certainly not unknown for women to hide and over-guard their phone if it's full of texts containing this: "And another thing... he never does bloody X any more, either!".