Swinging

My partner and I have been together for 12 years now. Very early in our relationship he suggested we go swinging. I really did not want to do it, the thought made me feel physically sick. Despite this he pushed and pushed me until I agreed. I cried on my way to meet them and poured loads of alcohol down my throat. I did what he asked, it was awful, the worst experience of my life. I said I would never do it again but soon after the pressure started again. Threats of him leaving me, I am boring, I stupidly agreed to it again. This experience was not as bad, but not what i wanted. After doing it 6 times now with different couples I have had enough. I have suffered breast cancer, a mastectomy and very conscious of my scars, body. I am also going through an awful menopause and have lost interest in sex, although I still do it. He has suggested today that we swing again, and sulked when I said no. I flipped, I feel desperate and so angry. I hit him, I know this is wrong but I lost control completely. Despite everything I have done for him, its never enough. Even though I was crying he still asked me to do it. I don't know what to do, I feel I am losing it. He is now ignoring me.

I know I have to toughen up and call his bluff. If he threatens to leave I should say go ahead. Why at my age I have to put up with this crap I don't know. I have seen the Dr on a number of occasions about my menopause. Theres not much more they can do as I am on medication for my cancer and cannot go on any HRT.

I am sorry to hear you are going though this kind of pain. I am a breast cancer survivor and I've had chemotherapy for 18 months. I've had a mastectomy and I've also had reconstruction and a reduction all at different times (plus other surgeries). I have had too many surgeries to count at this point. I do not talk about my breast cancer because to this day it is a very painful subject for me. In the last 7 years I have had mammogram every 6 months and then I have needle biopsies. I find my scar sexy, unique and a constant reminder that life is a battle worth fighting. Halfway through my chemotherapy I went into menopause and three months after the chemo I started bleeding every day for weeks then months at a time. I had four D & C to control the sudden heavy vaginal bleeding which none worked for me. After that they tried a IUD but that didn't help. Two months later the pain started and it would only make me lay in bed in a fetal position it was too much to bear. The pain was worse than giving delivery. Three days later I went to the emergency room I couldn't bear the pain anymore. I ended up having a medically necessary hysterectomy. I know this was the long version just to tell you what I think you should know. I don't want you to suffer the way I did please go to a GYN specialist as soon as you can and ask for a hysterectomy. I was told I waited too long this should have been done in first place. I don't know if this is right for you but please look into it ASAP. I know I did not cover all of your problems but this is something I needed to tell you.