I am emotionally and physically dissatisfied

My current boyfriend and I have known each other since childhood. When I was 20 and he was 22 we decided to entertain each other both agreeing that we would be friends with benefits nothing more nothing less. At his point our relationship was pretty much hey buddy what's going on let me be that ear you can vent to. We both gave each other relationship advice etc. we never had sex together if the other one was in a relationship. We were like BFFs. As time passed I caught feelings and never told him I played my role the role we agreed to. When we did have sex the sex was freaking amazing. I'm talking multiple orgasms amazing. By the time I was 22 I couldn't take it anymore. I knew I was in love and I couldn't keep making him better for other women who mistreated him. I expressed how I felt and he shut me down. That was the worst day of my life. After being rejected I gathered my thing told him to fuck himself and walked out his door hoping to never see him again. Needless to say I couldn't let go I Facebook stalked him occasionally check on him and he checked on me. 4 years and him having two children later we crossed paths again. This time he wanted to take things seriously and I agreed. We had one major issue we lived in different states at this time. We worked out the kinks as far as living arrangements. Unfortunately I feel when we are together he more distant than ever. When we are states apart he is the sweetest most loving romantic man alive. When we are together he s quick to separate spends no time with me cares nothing about my feelings and you can forget about sex it doesn't exist . He won't even kiss or hug me. It literally breaks my heart every night to share a bed with a man who I feel doesn't even like me let alone love me. It's even more confusing because when I'm not there he tells me how much he misses me and can't wait to hold me blah blah blah. Idk my heart wants to stay but I need him to show me he wants me. I have expressed my feeling to him and he is well aware of them. He will make an attempt for a day but then it falls right back into that pattern. He talks about marriage and family and that's great but I feel like he already has two families with his children. He even told me his first child's mother is his weakness and the only reason he isn't with her is spite. How am I suppose to marry him knowing he loves someone else? I am by far the most perfect supporting girlfriend he has ever had but at this point I would do anything to feel wanted. I can't be a trophy girlfriend or the one he settled with I deserve more. I deserve to be supported just as much as I support. Don't I?

So let's recap: you offered him every man's dreams (all the main perks without the boyfriendly work) and he said YIPEE! Then you realised you wanted or were finally ready for more and he didn't want to change his cushy arrangement of having a permanent back-up gal (to ensure no sexual deserts in between one relationship and the next), so you in reaction did the right thing and got out.... then you met up again and he promised you that THIS time he wanted the full works as well as you. Oh, really? And did he go straight from that conversation with you to a divorce solicitor followed by presenting you with an engagement ring? Wakey-wakey. Of COURSE he says what you want to hear whenever you're apart and the next meeting's on the menu. It's called warming you up. Then he gets what he's warmed you up for and immediately emotionally b*ggers off. (And repeat.) This man is neither your lover NOR your friend. He certainly doesn't respect you, not one iota. He's a user. You were seemingly consensual to it the first time round and now seem to be all over again. So what would you expect him to do - say no thank-you to getting goods for virtually free? Yes, you DO deserve support. AND respect. AND being taken seriously as a romantic candidate by someone. And to be treated like the only woman alive on this planet. Dump this using dud that you keep LETTING use you and thereby PROVE yourself- not worthy but WILLING AND READY for a proper, full-on romantic relationship. Whilst you keep mucking around and wasting time with this romantic waste of space, you're proving the distinct opposite.