My girlfriends ex

My girlfriends ex boyfriend was her first love. He broke up with her after a 7 month relationship and she was not over him for months. She then met me and now we are together. Now that we are together he is regretting that he broke up with her and wants her back. He keeps telling her that he has feelings for her and that he regrets everything. At this one point of our relationship we broke up because she missed the memories with him and thought she wanted to go back to him. But at the end she chose me. Some stuff happened and i kinda forgave the guy and we became friends, not super close friends. But pretty good friends. Anyway he says he would never do anything with her because he wouldnt want to hurt me as a friend and he wants us to be happy, plus he was having a thing with my other friend. Now a few weeks later he keeps telling me how they will always have a soft spot for each other, and he keeps telling her how he feels about her and im feeling weird. i keep confronting my gf about it but she says she would never do anything with him and that she is over him and stuff. But i saw a screenshot from recently where she told her best friend that she still had feelings for him but she loved me. Now i pretty much got pissed off and i made her swear on our relationship to stop talking to him. Because talking to him would do us no good in our relationship. And i dont take the 'swearing on our relationship' lightly. If she does keep talking to him i feel like she doesnt respect our relationship enough. I just think its time for her to leave him and their past and to focus on us. AM i wrong in this, should i leave her is she talks to him behind my back even though she swore? any other advice? please help

Hi! I went through the same thing but with a guy. I loved him, made him feel like he was wanted, but he was so off and on with this girl. I was furious too. You have every right to be upset. She shouldn't even be entering a relationship with you if she still has remotely any feelings for the other guy. Most likely, it'll never work out between the guy and her. However, telling her who she can and cannot talk to could possibly cause her to get very angry and rebellious. It's totally understandable for you to be frustrated with that because it is very immature and aggravating. She wants you to trust her, though. If there's no sense of trust in a relationship, it's not worth having. I know it's hard because you love her, and I'm not saying the best solution is to break up. The best thing to do is to talk to her peaceably and rationally. Let her be honest and tell you how she feels, and make sure she's willing to listen to you too. Don't blow up on her. Just listen. Communication is a very important thing in a relationship. The big issue lies within the guy being your friend. He should never, as a friend, be with someone you're interested in, even though they dated before. He left her for a reason, and she's not wise to run away from someone who loves her. He doesn't have a 'soft spot' for her because he broke her heart. He just wants what he can no longer have. She's being silly. If she loses you, she'll regret it. You need to have a chat with you're friend too and see what his real motives are. He's not much of a friend if he's talking about feelings with someone who isn't single. So, breathe, trust, be gentle, and communicate. Hope I helped! God bless!

In other words, you didn't really believe she'd chosen the healthy option (you) over the unhealthy one (him) so you basically manoeuvred him into your mutual frame - all under the guise of "new friendship" - to see what she'd do (because you pre-knew what he'd do), but the signs you've been seeing aren't quite clean-cut clear enough, meaning you're back at square one regarding renewed faith and trust. "i keep confronting my gf about it but she says she would never do anything with him and that she is over him and stuff. But i saw a screenshot from recently where she told her best friend that she still had feelings for him but she loved me." That's true. She chose you, and DESPITE his best goading-type efforts to undermine your confidence to where it'll hopefully cause fights between she and you, she realises his so-called finer feelings are just Dog In Manger behaviour, hence is sticking with you but still isn't quite over the whole *event*. That's event, not man or relationship. He represents a TRAUMA (and a personal insult). That's perfectly natural, PARTICULARLY as you've caused this situation of him NOT being in the past where he belongs but constantly dancing around her peripheral vision. Tell him you can by now tell darn well he's NOT any friend of yours, nor ever wanted to be, that his little mind-poisoning and paranoia-inducing shennanigans aren't working and CAN'T work and to DO ONE! If, once removed from the frame, she DOES still talk to him, you can ultimatum her with a clean conscience as well as a leg to stand on when it comes to you claiming discomfort at his loitering, because this time you're not the one pushing the constant reminder in her face. Doing so probably only keeps fanning the surface temptation of her ego to make him suffer as he made her suffer, anyway, by which I mean, she probably sees it that he's now hankering after her ("hah!") and she's dragging out this 'dangling on a string' set-up for as long as she can, unfortunately employing your assistance somewhat as a mechanism out of a believe that deep-down you're her willing aider and abettor. (Why *else* would you invite him in?, thinks she.) Because look at the evidence: she HAD a second chance with him and could quite easily have STAYED with him yet still came back to you AND is admitting the bottom line to someone she has no reason to lie to (him, love in memoriam, you love in motion). INARGUABLE EVIDENCE. You were just TOO clever for your own good and now regret it. Hoisted by your own petard, they call it. Don't do that again, then (ya daft 'ap'eth).

I think that in a relashionship there should be trust but I also believe in respecting each other feelings. If you are being affected by all this then you should talk to her and let her know that u are not comfortable at all with her talking to him specially after she said that she still had feelings for him. Ask her why she said that and what she meant by it. Let her know that you can't tell her who to talk to or not but it would make u feel better if she doesnt talk to him. As for him if he was a friend he would stay away instead of making trouble between you and her. How dare he tells u he still has soft spot for her. I think he is being disrespectful and playing games. If she continue talkig to him and you cant deal with it maybe you need to end it before you fall so deeply in love that you wont be able to handle it. In a relashionship there should be love, trust, respect, and communication. If you are missing one of those sooner or later the relashionship will end.