Depressed

I love someone madly,,we both love each other so much,, one month ago he came and said he married another girl,,when i asked him why he do this? he said i am compeled to do so,,i stil love you etc etc etc,,, now i feel like i have nothing in my life,,i cried so much,, i am heart broken,sometimes i just dont want to live,it is so panic ,, i still want him because i love him so much,may be one day he understand someone loves him so much,, i dont know what will happen,,what should i do now? it is so hard to deel with this...!

(Sounds like it.) ********* B-H, I know how utterly despairing this makes you feel (been there, done that, snotted all over the soggy t-shirt) but you must take comfort in appreciating how these things work: Some experiences are primers, without which imperative you wouldn't be a suitable enough 'surface' for receiving the pending, definitive (top) coat. All this just means that Fate has an even BETTER version of him (Mr Upgrade) lined up for you, as well, possibly, as more experiences for you to undergo to make YOU a better version of yourself (so that you'll likewise be his "ex" upgraded). It could be, for example, because only Mr Upgrade would somehow cause or ensure you got shunted onto a better-destination-ed track in terms of whatever personal growth and success, or because you and Mr Upgrade are going to have the ingredients to ensure success is unending (in other words, you and this current chap might have ended in tears within a decade or two, or unable to produce kids...whatever; there are myriad possibilities of why Fate didn't want him to eventually become your husband and you his wife). I know at this juncture you think you won't ever want anyone but him. But trust me, once you meet Mr Upgrade (Bam!...Pow!...Wow!) and quickly get to know him ("someone pinch me!"), you and he, both, will forevermore be raising a glass in gratitude to whomever/whatever compelled your ex (at the behest of Fate and its manipulations) to wed someone else and to whomever/whatever likewise last-minute snatched from Mr Upgrade his own ex. Making any sense? This IS how it goes, I've lived as well as 2nd-hand witnessed it too many times. So what you should do now is just go through the grief process but, thankfully, with the back-up aid of great optimism as well as intrigue over the When (not if) and especially the Who. In other words, this, like anything, has happened for an ultimately GOOD reason. Fate moves in mysterious - including painful and at-the-time seemingly senseless - ways.

yesss.. arranged marriage,, Thanks soulmate for helping me out,, you are right that fate moves in mysterious way,, it is so hard to forget someone you love so much,i know it will be a "miracle" if i found him in my life again,, i never thought one day i will get so much pain which is so difficult to handle,, i am 19 years old and i found myself so hopeless,such a long time to go,i dont know how i will move on :( ,,i think there is no happiness for me in whole life,, i feel lonelier even if i am sitting with my friends,family ... now i really feel i want nothing but him,,only him,, going through this grief process is so painful,, it seems like there is nothing,,but loneliness...!

For every physical entity there is a psychological equivalent. So of course it's painful - agonising at your fresh point in the process, actually (let's not pretty it up). It's the psychological version of Siamese twins, joined at the chest one minute and then literally ripped apart. You're now in psychological A&E, awaiting surgery and stitches followed by a period of healing and recuperating in a hospital bed. So, like the real thing, take it very easy, don't be impatient with or hard on yourself nor set unrealistic goals. Be sensible, try to endure the after-pain (to up your future pain threshold as well as to quickly get so used to it you start to register it less and less), but then offer yourself the odd period of respite each day if you experience 'painwave swells', by taking any form of 'painkiller' you can find (without letting yourself rely too heavily on them or grow addicted to them). Get LOTS of sleep! That's when the lion's share of healing takes place. And don't forget to eat - small handfuls that you graze on through the day and/or food in liquid form. Just chocolate and garden peas if that's all you can manage (you can practically live on peas alone, and chocolate produces feel-good chemicals). The painkillers available off the chemist's shelf aren't very effective with a sensation this big but they can offer you windows of zero or less keen pain. I'm talking keeping your mind as busy, stimulated, and amused as possible. Fascinating books; candlelit bubble-baths to upbeat radio stations/CDs; watching cathartic or hilarious films; talking it over and out to sympathetic and patient friends and relatives, even yourself (or writing out thoughts on a pad) (hell, use this thread as your diary if you like)... and most important of all: cry. Cry, cry, cry, cry, cry (and yell and scream if need be) until you're literally BORED OF IT and your responses to enquiries about what happened go from lengthy monologues to this: "What? Oh, yeah, er - arranged marriage. Anyway, as I was saying...". You'll get there, it's automatic, inevitable and inexorable. It won't actually take as long as you think, either, particularly as you have youth and fitness on your side. People ALWAYS over-estimate the length of time a broken heart/severed attachment takes to heal, plus forget that the pain lessens bit by bit with every passing day. Within a month you'll have grown used to it to where it no longer frightens and angsts you, having become just an intermittently dull throb, and then one or an extra month (probably not) during which all you're left with is the odd twinge, e.g. if ever someone or something knocks into it. If your healing seems to be dragging on for longer, you might want to opt for behind-the-counter pharmaceuticals (counselling). But I doubt that, again, given your youth. If you want to shuntingly speed it up, do things that immediately put everything into proper perspective with fake but convincing near-deaths, like bungee jumping or really scary fairground rides. That and crying buckets and sleeping. Crying is a superb anaesthetic if you don't stop a session until you're emptied out, and dreams are the process in motion of you coming to terms with it. No, there's going to be plenty of happiness for you in this life. And sadness. And anger. ALL the emotions, sometimes all at once. 'Life is a roller-coaster'. But [1] this is definitely going to toughen you up in terms of strength and endurance, and [2] think how utterly BORING it would be if the track were dead level and straight. Life is also, as above-indicated, full of this type of statement: 'If X hadn't happened to me, despite it felt like hell at the time, I would not have been able to cope with Y and wouldn't now be right here at Z where I'm so damned happy....the happiest I've ever been and happier than I ever believed possible, actually!' Sunshine after the rain.

I Don't know how can i bear this pain?? this is so worst,,it looks like getting wounded soul...i cant eat,,i hardly drink water,,i don't take pain killer,i will try ,may be it will reduce my pain,,when ever i try to watch any movie,reading books,or talk to my friends,,i just remember all those memories and i started to cry,i cried/scream so much,,sometimes even whole night,,when i am crying,i found this more panic,,worst feeling,,i write all these thoughts in my diary ..this time is so hard,one minute seems to be like whole year :( it looks like i am watching a never ending scary dream,,i think why me.. why this happened to me,i never imagined this ,, i hope this pain will reduce day by day.. Yes,life is fairy tale for some people,and for someones,its like nightmare...

No, I didn't mean painkiller in the literal sense, I was drawing an analogy, painkillers being symbolic euphemisms. Please read it again and you'll see. So CRY, then! You obviously have a lot to get out! Get THROUGH that panicky stage and out the other side, instead of quitting at that oint. You do that and the pain will be a LOT shorter-lived.

2 years,,yes i met his parents,they also know that we are in love.. so much,,feeling like hell.. i don't know why i am not angry at him,, i didn't shout at him,i just went away with my broken heart and tears in my eyes.. I am trying but this is just too painful.. i never thought one day i will be in such condition.. :( i cried so much,sometimes whole night,i don't like anything,,nothing...his memories always keep me sad... may be i will recover from this condition,this is just so stressfull,,i am fed up from this life...!

Been there, done that, snotted on the t-shirt, shredded the t-shirt once the anger kicked in... First you have to get over the shock and denial phase. I expect you are fed up to the back teeth with life, yes. That just makes you completely normal. But there's no 'maybe' about it. It *will* pass. In fact, I'll make you a bet if you don't believe me? How much? £50? £100? You name it, I'm game! :-) Have you read any other threads on here?

Still that panic situation.. i can't stop thinking about him,everything.. i just start disliking everything.. :( It will pass i know.. ya but only 2 or 3 threads...!

It's been a month, now. That you're still panicking indicates you're fighting rather than accepting the reality of your situation so you can deal with it and get through it. Are you? Are you still having, 'I can't believe it!' or 'I can't believe he's really done this to me!' thoughts?

yes right.. it is so difficult for me.. i tried very hard to forgot those memories,,now i don't used to cry everyday,,i still remember him,,his memories,his promises,,it just breaks me again and again whenever i remember all that,, life is so complicated,,i am hopeful one day i will smile the way i smiled in previous years,,i will wait for that day..:)

Well, you might not realise it but, aside from the obvious - crying less - there is a subtle yet marked difference in how you're sounding at this farther-ahead point. In particular, it's obvious you're already looking *beyond* this episode to the future and imagining what it'll be like so, although you're going along fairly slowly, at least you ARE GOING; that's all that matters...which means, although it still upsets you whenever you dwell on it, the pain must be becoming less each time. (Trust me, if it were more painful than you could bear, you'd do all you could to avoid thinking about it in the first place.) Plus the up side is, your grieving this thoroughly means you won't be one of these people who still finds the memory painful however many years on. Are you feeling more like going out, seeing your friends, now, that sort of thing? And have you started, even only a very little, to look interestedly at other men when you do go out and about?