Instant and overwhelming attraction and connection to a stranger – 1 year on.

I met a girl on a night out over a year ago and the second our eyes met across the crowded room it was like I had been electrocuted, I felt like I had taken a blow on the chin and was rocked to my core. I cannot describe it; I felt like she had just looked into my eyes and seen deep into my soul and understood me within a millisecond. Sounds insane I know. I looked away as I didn’t know what was going on, then I looked back to find her glancing back at me with the exact same timing. I took a second glance and she was looking back at me again, this happened a few times until we both just gave in to it and started checking each other out. I felt like we were talking to each other but no words were being said. At the time I was in a bad way, with lots of life troubles including a failing marriage and general low self-esteem, I didn’t feel confident or sexy. I was by no means a smooth operator. But I came alive talking to this girl, out of nowhere I had the confidence and self-esteem, I was on it, the conversation was amazing, never dulled by an awkward silence, and it was constantly interesting, we talked for hours, it was like she was putty in my hands. We were both confident and beautiful in front of each other and we were being drawn to each other by some invisible force It was so good but so weird, it was like the old low self-esteem me was having an out of body experience stood on my own shoulder watching the new me with this girl being the man. Thinking Jesus this isn’t you where hell did this come from, you aren’t this cool and confident and the new me was saying to my old self its happening whether you like it or not. All the time thinking shit, you are married wtf is happening here? She was looking directly into my eyes and it was not weird at all. The length and intensity of the eye contact would under any normal circumstances have been incredibly awkward, yet we just looked into each other’s eyes transfixed and totally at ease, talking, laughing and smiling and drinking. I felt like she knew me and I knew her right back. It was unreal. Considering we had just met we were being brutally open to each other and it was not weird or rude in the slightest. My wife was in the same place all night, at times this girl and I were both talking to her, she was almost befriending my wife while this was going on, like we knew it was wrong but we were riding a wave against which neither of us could resist nor did we want to either. Anyway the night ended and I went home, I had massive argument with the Mrs about the above. I lay awake all night trying to make sense of what had happened and wishing that it wasn’t over. I felt like I had lost something irreplaceable. The next day we all went out for an evening meal and she was there again on the far end of the table, I knew I couldn’t look at her much because I had been sussed out the night before. But I wanted to, the glancing at each started again. Like we both knew we were treading on egg shells but we were doing it anyway. It was so hard not being able to talk to her. She had to leave early and said her good byes to everyone, obviously not to me as I was in enough trouble already and I think she knew it. That was the last I ever saw or heard from her. But I went home feeling like I had just spent the weekend on drugs, higher than I had ever been before and I did not want to come down. So my marriage broke down to the point of divorce and I never really admitted the true extent to which I had fallen for this girl. It was a huge issue for us but yet I was feeling the loss daily. This went on for months before it subsided slowly and I thought about her less with time. Until I recently spoke to a friend and told her of our divorce. I explained the night to her as I have above but I said that maybe it was only me who was imaging it all and that she did not reciprocate the feelings that I was having. My friend said that I only felt the intense chemistry because she liked me too and felt the same way, my friend said that she had been there before, connected to someone on an indescribable level within an instant. She said that it was so real because it was real for both of us. This is where I am at a loss, I will soon be divorced and I don’t want another relationship but I feel like I have to find out if this night was as real and intense for her and it was for me. How can one night have left me thinking about this girl for so long only for it to go away a bit with time and then come flooding back again with a vengeance upon talking about it to a friend. These are my questions, Am I going insane, did I imagine it, was it real, what if she never thought of me again, what if she has been feeling the same thinking that he is a married and trying to move on? What do I do, I want to wait until the divorce is finalised before I contact her. This is why I haven’t contacted her thus far, I was/am a married man trying to save my marriage, but it’s over now, do I wait for the paper work or do I throw caution to the wind find out what I need to know? Please help!

Hi, I can understand why you feel confused by what happened with this girl, or what you perceive as having happened. My thoughts are that you were in a bad place anyway in your marriage and this chance meeting took on a more significant role because of this; in other words, if you and your ex wife had been happy, none of that would have happened in the first place or if you had noticed a girl trying to make eye contact with you, you'd probably have thought little of it. I can't help but feel sorry for your ex wife here, you were openly flirting with another girl in front of her all evening it would seem, not surprising that a row followed and also no surprise either to find that you are now divorced! Perhaps it happened for a reason, to help to bring your marriage to an end, as it sounds as though it was heading that way anyway? You say you are waiting until your divorce is finalised before contacting this girl? How will you do that, did she give you her number or do you have mutual friends? Also, if she was willing to behave like that in full view of your wife, what kind of girl does that make her I wonder? A few things there for you to mull over!

Sounds like you met someone you liked. Who knows why things turn out the way they do. If you want to find out how that lady felt about the night you met I think you probably should just ask her.

Oh my goodness. I feel your situation in a significant way. I met a guy NINE years ago. We were both married but the instant chemistry was something I had never experienced. I was happily married, he was happily married, we crossed paths professionally and we're always friendly, never inappropriate. I was in my 30's and I felt like a fumbling idiot anytime he was within 10 feet of me. He smiled, sort of flirted but there was nothing to speak of. He was a vendor for my business and I didn't have a lot of needs from him for a while so we didn't see each other for a spell. I heard he got divorced. I was in a troubled marriage but we were working on it. Then I saw him again to work on a special project. Sparks flew. Again, I was back to feeling like I couldn't even say my name when he approached. We casually flirted some more but again, nothing came of it. I would never have an affair. Soon after I heard he was dating someone. I missed him like crazy. Like you, with time, I thought of him less and less. How could I possibly miss someone that I really barely know?? But I did. It was magical when he was around. I began to wonder if he had this affect on all the ladies. My husband and I separated. A year later we reconciled and in hind site should have divorced then. Nothing really changed. So nine years have passed since I need this man. I haven't seen him in five years because he sold his business. I quit thinking about him at all. I finally decided to file for divorce and move on with my life. What happens... He walks across the room at the book store where I'm sitting down to a meeting. He came over to greet me and the Sparks are almost over helming. I was flustered and shocked at this ongoing reaction. You would think I would be used to it by now. Yes, we exchanged numbers - we still had each other's number. A couple of weeks later we started to talk. We have so much in common. We both remembered details of the last nine years when we would see each other and we shared how we felt, what we thought. I'm blown away at how much we have in common and how much we like each other. It's a nine year crush. I don't know where it will go but I'm glad we finally got to share with each other. Good luck to you! May immeasurable joy and love fill your life.