Cheating ???

I have what you would call a turbulent marriage but after 40 years we are still together. My husband is very good friends with a couple whom are known for going to swing parties. For the last couple of years the husband of the couple has dropped lots of what I'd call 'suggestions' about my hubby - yet technically implied nothing! I have just discovered that my husband is spending far much more time with this couple than was ever let on - to the point that I feel convinced that he may be taking part in this swinging. I was wondering about approaching the subject with him - just perhaps letting on some of what I have been told by the 'friend' and seeing where that takes me - so implying nothing just letting him taking the lead with his reply. Should I??? -to clarify my husband has spent atleast 3hours alone with the couple and another friend this afternoon, although my husband has said that he is run off his feet at work!

Hi Maya, sorry to hear about the problems you are facing. Although I'm not talking from experience, the things you mention in your post seem compelling - however, wouldn't your husband simply lie about his whereabouts? Maybe you could review your personal sex lives - it does not necessarily have to have stopped, but perhaps it has changed noticeably. Cheating partners are likely to feel guilty, and may try to cover up "extra-curricular" activities by spending more time with you in bed. Only you know your husband well enough to make extensive judgements, especially with 40 years under your belt, so it will be difficult for you to find the help you need online. As you now have these concerns, you have to keep your eyes and ears open and collect further evidence or lack of evidence for you to make effective decisions. As you say in your post, you could attempt questioning him directly - however, this kind of formal confrontation could damage your relationship due to lack of trust of each other - regardless who is right or wrong. Good luck Maya, I hope everything works out for you...