Ode to R

Why all of a sudden are you weighing on my mind? What was it about you that gripped my very soul? I've searched everywhere, everything, everyone to find that answer. I thought, if I could just figure out what it was, I could find it somewhere else. Then, maybe then, you wouldn't still be hurting me because you'd be powerless. You would no longer have this ability to make me feel the raw edges of my heart that sits in the pit of my stomach. Because of you I feel broken. For a girl so guarded, you caught me off guard. You got in to my mind and my heart. You were the generator of my laughs. You made me catch my breath with every thought. Excitement and racing thoughts and inspiration filled me just with you standing there. You weren't the most beautiful person I had ever laid eyes on. You weren't the most successful or the most educated either. You were just you. And to me, that was the most beautiful part. You put me at ease in your presence. I loved being around you. I loved myself around you. Kale and salmon will never be the same. Nothing will be the same. I think of our memories and I laugh, but now I laugh through tears. You're gone. I can't ever have you back. Not for a moment. I hope, wherever you are, you're on the right path finally. That's the only hope I now have. Don't live the rest of your life tortured. You are worth so much more than that. And for the rest of my life, you will hold the part of my heart you ripped out. It's ok, I wouldn't want it back. I wouldn't want to redo the past even if I could. For what it's worth, I saw you and I loved you. Correction: I love you still.

"And for the rest of my life, you will hold the part of my heart you ripped out. " No, she won't. It grows back again. And if the next one is her upgraded (courtesy of you applying the at-the-time painful lessons you learned), grows back bigger and better.