Move on or try?

Ok me and my fiancé have broken up just under 2 months ago now. We were together for almost a year and a half and for the most part things were good. However,and I fully admit it, I lied to her over something very trivial yet dragged it out for months till truth surfaced.I know trust is a huge issue and I broke it. we split apart for a few weeks then talked and got back together.Things were going good then lost my job and let myself fall into depression and didn't tell her how I was really feeling. Apparently she had been rather unhappy for awhile and also kept it from me. She thought I was being lazy and not actively looking for work yet I was and it was holiday season which didn't help. Anyway, she packed almost all her things and moved back in with her parents. I have been respectful not talking trash about her and giving her space yet once a week she would text me asking bout me and work and we would talk about other stuff.( yes I got a job)This has been going on for awhile until last week when I attempted to text her and got the one liner replies. Then saw her at a mutual friends B day party I was nice and opened up talking she talked back but not much and I could tell she was uncomfortable. now I tried to tell her about my grandmother dying and no reply to my text even about my new niece being born...nothing. Then today I was just checking recent news on FB when she"liked" a photo that said " Would you slap your ex for 1,000,000.00$ ?" Whats with the sudden change in behavior?? I have been nothing but nice haven't hounded her nor bad mouthed her in anyway. I want to try and get her back because I truly love her with all my being but I'm lost now not knowing if I'm being teased or shes just being super emotional. Driving me crazy!! Help?! any advice?

Hi Gary....Gary you already know the answers to the questions you have.Thats a jagged pill ..I know,but true notheless.Maybe too much time has gone by.See,women for the most part want to beleive everything that comes out of our mans mouth.So once we convince ourselves that we DO beleive,thats about the time we find out that they could be somewhat less than honest about things. I think that if this relationship comes easily for both of you,then ya'll can save it but Gary it sounds like shes already decided that it cannot be saved. Sorry pal but trust me...shes NOT the one.

Agree. And, a drastic behaviour-pattern change aligns with drastic situation change (behind scenes), so it sounds like she's met someone else and that the texting in the run-up was her taking a few last looks and checks behind her shoulder before she could finally make up her mind about emotionally committing herself to the new guy. Having done so, you then became 'der enemy' - hence the attitude-in-motion on FB. Sorry. But instead of being cut-up about this, know that it's an unseen case of Fate moving you both apart on the giant chessboard in readiness of someone else that it has in mind for you, someone far better suited (and vice versa for the mystery woman). Best get on with getting over your ex-fiancee so that you don't miss that looming opportunity!

Wait up! Something's just occured to me. When you say 'she'd Liked', are you saying she hasn't Unfriended you yet?

Ok I have an update. Yes we are still Facebook friends. A few days ago a mutual friend invited my ex out for drinks. They got to talking and my ex told her that she still loves and cares for me and she is open to trying to get back together. But said she'd like to try being friends at first and going from there. In other words I have to basically date her again like we just met. I am down to do just that our old relationship is gone so time to start fresh and better than before. She also mentioned how my breaking her trust broke her heart the most. My only concern really now is how to approach this carefully without pushing her back away. And she has two girlfriends that have been trying to play both sides during our breakup. I know that those two are not healthy for my chances and a bad influence on my ex as well. I dare not say anything about them even though I have been told by several people about their behavior to others. After hearing that my ex at least seems somewhat open I was relieved but worry when she is with those "friends"

(Scuse delay - been ill.) "We are over" is as "We are over" *DOES*. And that includes Unfriending you on Facebook. Which she has not done. She therefore has not "said" we are over. And yet in all other ways, you clearly were (from her point of view). "Friends". Mm-hm. Please don't be so gullible like too many others, in believing she wants the relationship back as it was but simply wishes to take it slow. You had a certain relationship... it featured a deal-breaker... now that dealbreaker has ceased to exist any more. SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? SURELY YOU TWO COULD NOW GET BACK ON BOARD? Clearly not. She wants a DOWNGRADED relationship. Why? Usually, the reason is this: they've decided in their mind that you're not long-term material but that whilst they're open to or actively looking for your replacement, they could still squeeze some more juice out of you/the 'relationship'. Put it this way: what is so difficult about her saying to you something like, 'I'd like us to get back together but take greater care over "this and that", and if that extra care DOESN'T get taken, we'll have to consider that maybe we're NOT meant to be together forever and part ways for good'. See the difference? Nope, she doesn't want the same extent of relationship to resume. She wants friends. There's you thinking you're getting to start from scratch. For all we know, that's what you're SUPPOSED to think. How else, otherwise, would she still get all the perks but without any of the boring work? 'Broke her trust'? Listen, Gary, to know whether she's genuine about starting afresh or whether her aim is to dupe you into being her temporary FWB so that she can cruise elsewhere with more confidence than were you not, you're going to have to spell out what this huuuuge so-called trust-breaker was. Remember that you have full anonymity here so you can say anything you like and no-one can know who the hell you are out of the millions out there in similar situations AS WE SPEAK. Don't worry about her friends, either. I could sit here and - for exaggerated example - tell you that your mother was actually Beelzebub himself only you didn't realise it. But would you believe me when you're the person out of the two of us that deep-down knows her far better than that because you're the one who's had first-hand repeat experience? Course you wouldn't. You cannot "influence" a person to that degree. A person can only spot the fact that you're speaking thoughts that happen to match one of their own, PRE-EXISTING suspicions. See what I'm saying? I'm saying, you can lead a horse to water BUT YOU CAN'T MAKE IT DRINK. But to advise you constructively and productively I need to know this huuuuge crime of yours so that I can cease suspecting that she dumped you basically because you weren't earning nor playing (how verray dare hyo!) Mr Constantly Happy from Constantly Happyville.

Update, to answer your question as to what the big deal breaker was. I was set to go to driving school but could not go until much later due to my DWI that happened back in 2005 but was not convicted of it until 2009 thus finishing probation in 2010. The school required a certain time from end of probation. I panicked for I knew her previous boyfriends had all been pretty much losers and was afraid how she'd react. So like a child I lied about going and let the lie go on for months before she found out. She had told me about her trust issues from the past and yet I lied out of stupidity and cowardness hoping to some how get hired by a company that would train me. So that is the major problem she has with me. I understand that no matter what the lie was about a lie is a lie and I broke her trust and her heart. I wanted to tell her but couldn't find the courage. It is something I regret and feel ashamed about to this day. I do love her deeply and would give anything to get her back but I will not be strung along nor let her control our conversations. Not sure if I said before but she contacts me and I respond but I try to contact her and it's either no reply or very short.

"her previous boyfriends had all been pretty much losers and was afraid how she'd react. So like a child I lied about going and let the lie go on for months before she found out." THERE IT IS! You're not her exes. So why should you be tarred with the same brush or made to be their Whipping Boy, courtesy of her overreactivity? This is a case of 50/50, actually. But not literally (I'd put it at 90/10 to her). Because she started it. She 100% set you up - by telling you all the negative ins and outs of her previous relationships and then labelling the behaviour Loser. When someone does that, what they're actually summarily doing is WARNING YOU not to be the same or similar "OR YOU'RE OUT!". Tacitly, the recipient cottons on to the implicit warning, which places them on tenterhooks, resulting in them walking on eggshells. OF COURSE you weren't then going to feel capable of telling her if the warning was that you could end up 'fired' because of it! Who would?! "Suicide, anyone?" It's not for her to pre-warn you 'not to be this/that' to begin with. It just reveals BAGGAGE... her not being suitably re-ready to brave a relationship. Her picking someone more cannily than ever before and conducting herself likewise based on having wised up from past negative outcomes is HER responsibility. Yours (from the healthier female partner's point of view, I mean) is to be yourself albeit on your best behaviour possible - to show off your good side before, inevitably, later along that line, life's sh*t here and there brings out episodes of your bad side. The good side is then what makes the woman persevere with you. If the sun FAILS to come out again, that's when you dump (because you conclude the sun had all along been purely a contrivance, meaning, constant rain is the default (and who wants a life of rain)). However, this tacit warning tipped your scales when added to that habitual male thinking that goes, 'If I don't tell her, she can't get upset, so that's me protecting my woman'. Result: you staying schtum about it. But I repeat: she had already emotionally manipulated you into being too scared to confess. So she wasn't allowing you to be you, warts and all AND USUAL HONESTY, was she. (Oh, and I KNOW you're normally very honest because I've just asked you for the big secret and you went and no-fuss told me without even breaking sweat!) PLUS IT WAS A *PAST* MISTAKE, not one you'd made as You These Days! That's too much pressure and it's not fair. Think about it: imagine if you'd said to her, 'My last ex used to sneeze a lot. It irritated me so much I had to end it. I hope you're never going to sneeze?'. (Come ONNNN, be serious!) She overreacted because she's not seeing how she was the one who went and gagged you. And, anyway, how come an entire year-and-a-half weighs less than one *forced* misdemeanour related to a *past* mistake? Answer, again: HER BAGGAGE. Call it paranoia or over-sensitivity or over-pessimism, whatever... What happened to "no prior convictions in the relationship itself and good character" holding weight? (I hope she ain't a magistrate...christ, ANYONE WITH AN UNPAID PARKING TICKET RUN! :-p) This was too unfair. And because of that, I'm smelling a rat. Here's what I think this is REALLY about: the usual: *POWER*. She now had an excuse to take the boss position who calls the shots, places conditions on everything, makes you jump through hoops... All very reassuring to the paranoid and insecure dater. Again, that's baggage influencing the proceedings. Because when you're ready to again brave potential heartache in your quest for potential romantic life-longevity, EQUAL means to self-protection, aka An Equal Relationship, suffices in ones mind as perfectly fair and the only right, healthy, productive basis. Clearly, in her mind it doesn't. So what she was trying to do was grab a suit of armour AND a shield and sword compared to your mere suit. The aim was to reduce your confidence. The result was you being especially careful around her in what you say or do. Result: she was far safer than would have been had you not - "Ermahgeeerd! Col the Purlice!" [rolls eyes] - failed to tell her something [wait for it] SOMETHING ALREADY IN EFFECT DEAD-AND-BURIED THAT SHE'D ALREADY WARNED YOU BASICALLY TO NEVER DARE 'KING REVEAL. DO NOT EVER PANDER TO ANY LOVER LIKE THAT. You're human, you made a distinct mistake (but moved on and up from it), she then *forced* you into a further small mistake, but balanced against that (or what should have been) was the fact you'd spent a whole 1.5 years behaving - one is forced to safely assume - VERY WELL. In the eyes of justice, IF justice interested her, you warranted merely a CAUTION, not incarceration. If you pandered to this giant over-reaction of hers, as included you then treating her overly with kid gloves AND HER GAINING REASSURANCE (extra protection from future injury/insult), then any time this woman needed extra reassurance, rather than ASK NICELY FOR IT, she would have manipulated ANOTHER "great" reason to slam you in the stocks. Capiche? And didn't she just! But here's the irksome rub: You two had moved past this. So this was/is not the issue in play. What is? What logically is left? Answer: YOU LOSING YOUR JOB....MONEY! Here's something that was your fault: Holidays are for those needing a break from their [wait for it] JOBS. If you have no job and need to get one, you are not exempt from looking because it's holiday time. But - no matter. You did get one eventually. Again - you having shown you make errors but remedy them. "This thing we call Failure [aka Loser], is not the falling down but the STAYING DOWN". (- Mary Pickford) Ah... But it was "too little, too late". Why? Because meanwhile she - having over-reactively, deliberately convinced herself you were a loser like her exes - had already been cruising behind your back and met someone. Know who she's angry at? HERSELF! "Why didn't he get a job *before* I met this new guy, aargh!!!", is her cry. Only, really, it's this: "Why didn't I trust our relationship more and have the bravery to hold fire for just that bit longer, aaargh!!!" She's 50% attached with new guy but can't seem to get over you..."you bugger". "You" are spoiling her new relationship. She just can't quite get into him enough, ach! That's your fault. ...Because even though this one has a good job that pays good money, somehow that's still not quite doing it. Her belief system isn't cutting it (unsurprisingly). That wasn't anger or disdain, that FB action. It was resentment and frustration at herself and what she's been taught but is as we speak proving wrong-wrong-wrong. She wants to be friends because she can't just dump new fella. Despite him HAVING a brilliant career and lots of spondoolichs like someone told her is the route to happy marriage (mum?, dad?) and despite that NOT making her feel fruit-loopy over him - she thinks she just needs more time for him to 'take'. *smirk* Is she naive or what. MEANWHILE, if you - her "friend" - are there and ready, still all warm in the wings, then, if he DOESN'T eventually 'take', she can jump back to you. And that - her having a new bf - is WHY she insists on having total control over when a text happens or doesn't (see it?). Er, no. Nobody puts Baby in the corner, and she is not the Queen of Sheba. I want you to do this: Post a comment against the offending FB share item. All it should say is this: "Nice". And then in the same 'breath', UNFRIEND HER so that she joins the dots. You are NOT going to be her safetynet, she's going to have to CHOOSE (and change her attitude). But were it me, I would not bother...because she's, certainly at this juncture of her life, emotionally as thick as two, short planks. And you can do better. I KNOW you can because the REASON you didn't spell out your so-called offence was because YOU have the emotional savviness to have already worked out that it was not the issue. Not ONLY is she thick but she's a Me-Me-Me merchant, to boot. I mean, I don't care WHAT the situation normal at that point in time - who the hell ignores a text from someone they've ever been close to, telling them a relative has died? What-AH?! Who the hell even justifies non-response by telling themselves it's probably just a ruse to get you talking to them - who DARES in that situation? In that situation, a decent person or person capable at that time of their life of being decent, errs on the side of caution because it's too big to make a mistake over, too heinous not to give your condolences. That's like refusing to give a dying beggar a £20 note because, quote, he's probably a scammer like all the rest of them. That's not the point, is it. The point is you doing your goodly bit and they doing theirs, and if theirs is scamming people, including you, that's THEIR 'goes around comes around'. You still get your glowing 'comes around' because you did the right thing in good faith, which is an existential duty of all humans who wish to paint themselves Good. Bleugh. Don't fancy yours much, mate. But by all means take my action-advice and see what happens. It's a win/win action whichever way you look at it, even if you want out and onto the next, the automatic upgrade as I call it. But at least it means if there IS love and better sense there to be had in her, she now has to do all the chasing and grovelling. Quite right, too!

Update. Well it turns out the past 2 months or so since my ex broke up with me has been complete crap. When we first broke up a day or two after she came back and we talked. Both agreed that maybe this was for the best and it would give each of us time to work on ourselves and then in time still remain as friends but "maybe" be able to work things out and get back together. She also told me that I don't need to worry about her dating anyone. Well as I've said she would contact me and then when I contacted her it was cold responses or none at all. This began about 3 weeks ago and I was trying to give her the benefit of doubt and allow her to contact me. But it became increasingly hard to do as my gut feelings was that she had moved on and met another guy. So I decide to text her telling her we needed to talk and of course as she has been saying every time I tried to talk was that she had plans. She finally said she'd meet me but couldn't stay long. Plus she wanted to pick up some of her stuff. She showed up in the morning let her in and she stood by the door with a very expressionless face. I told her how time has allowed me to understand her point of view and she cut me off saying " we're not getting back together". Told me she was done and when shes done that's it. I wasn't really shocked until she continued saying that she was pretty much done when she first left and said she had moved on in a matter of weeks! I asked her why then did she not just tell me sooner rather than let things go for so long. She said she was worried about my well being. If she was truly worried she would not have let me linger with false hope and doubts for so long. As we talked she was without any signs of regret or sympathy even when she would say sorry. Then she confirmed what I had been thinking....she meet a new guy and has been seeing him for 3 weeks same time her actions shifted. I didn't trow a fit I tried to remain calm but was furious of her attitude treating it all as if no big deal and I should have no problem. I told her that we can not be friends ,maybe sometime in the future but doubt it, I was removing her from facebook and she would not hear nor see me again. She said before leaving that she'd be back later to get the rest of her stuff which was quite a bit( dinning table, recliner, pots and pans etc.)but may have to wait till sunday cause its raining. She left and then the more I thought the madder I got so I text her sorry to interrupt YOUR plans but free storage is over you need to get all of your stuff out today! she replied she'd have to wait til 5 and that if I could not be there it would be great. WTF? Really??? I replied why should I not be here ? I live here not you. Not playing by your rules anymore. Sorry if its inconvenient but you said yourself we were done 2 months ago so you should've taken it all then and been done. But no you let it linger and if I hadn't asked to talk you would've waited longer until it was convenient to you. Her witty reply says it all....Chill the fuck out. I'll get it later today. So I proceeded to move all of her stuff onto the front porch to let her know how serious I was 5 rolled around and I asked her when she was coming and got this reply. You can do whatever you want with everything I don't want any of it anymore. told her she needed to take responsibility for her belongings she just replied whatever. Wow I don't know about anybody else but I find that to be messed up! It was either she didn't want to change her precious plans which usually meant going out drinking or now maybe pounding the new guy or just to much of a coward to have to come back and face me. I am still floored as to how she acted and how she really thought I would just be okily dokily with all of this! Im not a petty man but part of me wants to take pictures of her stuff in the dumpster and post on Facebook with the title Closure! lol Its sad that our relationship ended like this and her seemingly treating it as noting more than a a piece of trash to throw away. Oh and Im sure Im going to be made out to be the big asshole when she tells her friends and new guy. Good luck bitch and I hope your new relationship fails and you try to contact me again so I can answer and ask who is this??

"She said before leaving that she'd be back later to get the rest of her stuff which was quite a bit( dinning table, recliner, pots and pans etc.)but may have to wait till sunday cause its raining. She left and then the more I thought the madder I got so I text her sorry to interrupt YOUR plans but free storage is over you need to get all of your stuff out today! she replied she'd have to wait til 5 and that if I could not be there it would be great. WTF? Really??? I replied why should I not be here ? I live here not you. Not playing by your rules anymore. Sorry if its inconvenient but you said yourself we were done 2 months ago so you should've taken it all then and been done. But no you let it linger and if I hadn't asked to talk you would've waited longer until it was convenient to you. Her witty reply says it all....Chill the fuck out. I'll get it later today." OOOOOOF, GIMMIE THE GUN!!!! Do what-AH!?! You *find* it messed up? Er, no - it *is* messed up! Oh, my god! *REALLY* don't fancy yours much! I'd have chucked it all out onto the pavement and said, 'Sure, collect it whenever - rain or shine...preferably rain!' and put a damn hose to it. But GOOD FOR YOU for at least chucking it out onto the porch. Who does she think you are - U-Haul?! Excuse my French but, UCKAROUND! That truly has to take the biscuit in terms of newly-ex arrogance! But: "Oh and Im sure Im going to be made out to be the big asshole when she tells her friends and new guy. " I really don't see how *anyone* could agree with her if she tried to paint you out as the unreasonable one in that little scenario. Well, good. Ironically, she's done you a favour with what I call The Final Insult. There is nothing like justified anger to help you get most of the grieving quicker than normal. Talking of having done you a favour: Anything in that little lot you can sell on Ebay? (PS: Not 'who is this' - 'WHAT is this'?) (PPS: Seriously - gimmie the gun!)

PPPS: So that explains her reason for wanting to stay friends. Free storage. UGH! Good grief, you must be livid!!

PPPPS: Gary, don't you *dare* let her win by letting this experience change you. Say it with me: Right Qualities (mine), WRONG RECIPIENT (her) (the most gobsmackingly selfish, self-centred, self-serving woman for miles!). (Jeez, what's her new man called? Hitler? :-p) There would have been flashes of this lurking underneath. When you're ready, go through all the mental videotapes since the day you met her and try to identify where those Red Flags waved a subtle little Hello, so that NEXT time you know what they mean when/if they wave again. Then you can ignore all the hearts & flowery blah-blah-blahs unless and until they agree with the evidence (actions!). Here's one to watch out for: If the woman ever gives you a little gift, try to work out whether she herself has absolutely ZERO to gain from it in a fairly immediate sense, other than to make YOU feel good and thereby enhance the relationship.. I.e. whatever she does has to demonstrate she has her eye on the *long*-term, not because, say, she needs to ask you a favour and is trying to guarantee a Yes. (PS: Nope, trying to focus on the rational and future-productive it's not working. I *still* want someone to hand me a gun!)

Oh, my god, Gary, I detest your ex so much and I wasn't even the one dating her!!!!! (Roll on floor laughing but not really.)

Thank you all for the support and advice. I truly am ashamed of my actions during our relationship and admit that it was primarily my fault, yet she was not innocent and I know this. Whatever her justification was to run away not once but twice proves to me that she was not willing to try. I understand how much a lie can hurt and its hard to get back that trust but to be engaged willing to marry a person you should try your damn ass off not throw everything away as if it was nothing! I've seen couples with waaaaaay bigger problems get back together. Her actions after breaking up solidified things for me. Is it still hard to deal with? Yes! But I know now that we are done for good and even if someday down the line she tries to come back I don't think I'd be willing. Especially now that I know she is spreading like peanut butter for someone else. And just to completely get closure I think I found out where her new guy lives! Yes borderline stalking I know but none the less I was in an area of town that I know she frequents and got an almost pinpoint location for her through the facebook location services. So I followed it and found myself in a subdivision. I decided not to be super pathetic and drive all over so turned down a street in order to turn around and leave when there before my eyes was her car parked in front of a house! Not 100% sure it was his but I know none of her friends live there and this was 9 in the morning. All I can say is what a rotten whore! I've heard of women getting into "rebound" relationships fast but this is crazy! Only about a month and a half give or take a week and shes banging someone else while I was left with my doubts, suspicions and hope. And somehow I was to take it all in stride!?? She won with her childish act of not getting her things out acting like she didn't want it but I still hold the trump card! She can not get out of our lease until I resign a new lease. So hmmmmm it may just take me about 2 months before I do since she was sooo kind and "worried about my well being" it took her the same amount of time. I am still thinking of writing her a hand written letter. Not to beg her back or damn her, but rather a confessional telling her that yes I am sorry for my lies and lack of work. That I still care about her( ha!) and offer up my friendship. That way I can at least try to come out as the bigger person yet still get one good jab in because Im sure shes expecting me to behave like a dick and be depressed about her. On the other hand, I'd like to pack up all of her abandonded things drive over to her new guys home and drop it all off right in his yard when she is there!! I mean really what kind of woman acts like this? heard of bad breaks before but never this.

Yup, you dodged a bullet, Gary. So the woman (i.e. little girl in grown-up woman suit) in actual fact did you a huge favour, didn't she, despite it wasn't her own direct intention but Fate's. "I still hold the trump card! She can not get out of our lease until I resign a new lease. So hmmmmm it may just take me about 2 months before I do since she was sooo kind and "worried about my well being" it took her the same amount of time." I wouldn't if I were you or what you're doing is removing your very right to protest about her treatment of you, by lowering yourself to *her* level. Plus, you'll be attracting negative 'goes around' when it would be far more satisfying to know only she was in line for it (when she least expects or can handle it...that's usually when it hits). Understand, I'm not recommending you REMIND her of the lease contract. Nay. Just let her remember off her own bat. It'll probably take her a couple of months, anyway, given what you (wittily) describe as her 'nutfest'. As for the letter: nah. Don't waste your valuable energy. She'll probably see right through it, anyway, because it belongs in the same vein as this classic: [BRRRING-BRRRINGG...] Hello? It's me. I'm not here to chat, just to tell you that I don't give a SH*T that you dumped me. In fact, I'm glad you did because my NEW partner is MILES better than you, meaning I am SOOO OVER you! GOODBYE! [click] (Glad, she says? Over me already? Yeah - ***CLEARLY***.) In other words, actions speak louder. In fact, I'd have thought it far more effective and satisfying if you DID deliberately contact her about the lease. And make it by phone / voicemail. You can say you 'need her off it PDQ because, um, there's, er, someone else - a FRIEND - wanting to move in. (Capiche? ;-)) Re her things: I mean it - sell them. You're within rights because she's already crystal-clearly demonstrated that none of it interests her. You've asked her explicitly to her face to remove it. She's tantamountedly refused - on the back of already having refused via her inaction. That makes it now yours, possession being nine tenths of the law and all that. You have the right to do with it whatever you damn well please. What kind of woman? Please re-read my posts wherein I give an educated guess. I admit we had to take into account your 'not being there' oversight, just in case she was acting out of 'understandable' resentment. But that proved immaterial, given this new man already in her life. The very BEST revenge is getting yourself to a better step on the ol' self-improvements staircase, knowing that the ex is still stuck on that lower level, possibly unlikely to ever move up a position (crap romantic relationships forever-Amen to suit, as opposed to you and your by-then new-relationship-to-die-for).... in which case, take that motivation for revenge and put it to PROPERLY productive, PROPERLY/WARRANTEDLY selfish use. For inspiration, go read Vildar's thread ("Girlfriend of seven months..."). He's wasting NO TIME in getting 'revenge'. What is it they say? The best way to get over someone is to get under/on top of someone else? Doesn't work for everyone, but when it does, it works superbly. I just call it getting straight back onto the horse. Granted, that has a downside (baggage). But so does everything; plus it's handleable. Trust me on this: in however many months, you and your new, far-far-FAR BETTER, NICER, PRETTIER, SEXIER, etc., beau will be raising a glass in overwhelming gratitude to the ex for having, not dumped you but RELEASED you. And with what later transpired to be highly pertinent timing. I know what I'm talking about. I *am* that soldier. S/he who laughs last laughs longest.