No Fairytale This Time

The man i loved betrayed me. He worked out of town when we started seeing each other.Basically,we were F BUDDIES.That worked fine with me as I am a widow and didnt like the whole dating thing.I was married 26 years and had no clue how to date.He was pretty dented from a bad marriage as well.This arrangement suited both of us. After a few trips out of town to his jobsite,we began getting closer.Then he lost his job.When he came back to our town he had no place to stay,so he stayed with me.He got a local job and worked everyday.I really fell in love with him and I thought he felt the same way.He proposed to me and we planned to marry.He worked a lot of double shifts and always said it was to get us ahead.Then he slowly started changing. When we would have an arguement,he would cut deep with his words and even use things that I had confided in him as weapons to hurt me.Like my getting molested as a child. He left me several times and always came back a few days later.The last time he came back he was really different.I looked in his phone one night ( I know...WRONG)and found text messages to and from his assistant from work.He was telling her he had to make a tough decision to come back to me because the motels were eating his lunch.But that if he came back to me,he would be able to save for a place for them.Needless to say,I made him leave. He and his new love lasted about 2 months.Recently,he has been contacting me and out right said yesterday that hed like to try again. I have met a really good man since he and I split and I do believe this new man is someone Id like to keep around. If my Ex would have wanted things to work a month ago ,I would have been so thankful that he was still interested. But because he cant fight fairly,he has really twisted me up with his terrible words.Never in my life has anyone talked so degrading and filthy to me.I cannot get passed it.Nor would I ever be able to trust him.I guess my purpose in writting this is self healing.I realize we cant go back and that really makes me sad.No matter how much I think I love him,hes still a liar and cheater. Thank you kind strangers for helping me see things more clearly.

It's only wrong to look at your (supposed) team-mate's phone if you could more easily just talk to HIM about an issue and expect to hear the truth in response as well as feel confident that you indeed were. So that's that dealt with, for future reference's sake. But I don't somehow think you'll need it. I reckon with this next partner, at some point quite quickly on you'll both be helping yourselves to each others' phones with one another's blessings so frequently that you'll sometimes forget whose is whose! You're not second prize. Course he'd like to 'try again'. All those motel rooms (or is it B&B now?) eating his lunch. Never mind FIGHT fairly, he can't even conduct himself in situation normal fairly! So who said you even HAVE to get past it? Yeah, I know you said your purpose in posting was just an exercise in self-healing. But let's be honest, that man is too much of a BEEEEEP! to even risk leaving ONE IOTA of self-doubt in your mind that you've done the right and only healthy thing! I mean - UGH. Just...UGH! Onwards and upwards! :-)

Thank you all so much for your input.Sometimes,a fresh perspective is just what is needed.No doubt,along the way,I HAVE doubted myself and my judgement. SOULMATE....you are very wise thanks again. Igotta go now....my life is waiting!!!

LOL, well said!