My life problems... (sorry)

Hello everyone. A little warning, I'm going to go off on one here a litte (lot), and this may get lengthy. If you do manage to read this, I thank you in advance. Here goes... I'm male, 20 years old and currently residing in the UK. I'm in my second year of study at University. I left school with decent enough grades and got into the University of my choice. I share a house most of the year with fellow students, otherwise I live with my Mum. My parents split up when I was in my early teens. My Dad and I are on good terms. The reason that I'm writing this is partly for suggestions and help, but mainly I just want to "get this off my chest," as it were. So where to start? What's the problem, I guess. Pretty much everything. Let me make it clear now that I know my life isn't that bad, especially in comparison to a lot of others around the world; I'm lucky. Having said that, I can't help but feel I'm headed for a train wreck. I just want to explore areas of my life I feel I could be happier with in writing and share it with people. I try to avoid talking about my feelings when I can, although I realise I still come off as a whining git more often than I'd like. Unfortunately/forunately, I suffer from an overcompensatory masculinity complex; I like my music heavy and aggressive, I like to think I don't take crap from people, I don't show weakness where I can help it (even though I know I'm actually a whimp!). Even writing this I'm on the fence as to whether or not I'll post it. Problem number one. My studies. When my parents split and I lived with my Mother, I lacked discipline (this isn't an excuse - I should be sensible enough by know to get this sorted myself). The worst retaining feature of this is my inability to maintain a normal, productive sleeping pattern. I know it's stereotyped that students are nocturnal, but I know that I'm worse than most. This has always been an issue, especially to my academic endeavours. I'm always short of my potential, and this is a major contributing factor. I miss lectures most of the time and don't get involved in academic opportunities nearly as much as I want to. Without wanting to sound arrogant, I'm good at what I do and just about have enough motivation to get work in on time, so although this sleeping issue isn't threatening me to the extent of dropping out, I know that I have the capacity to achieve much higher than an average pass. This leads me on to talk about my health. I consider myself a fairly competent runner (although never competed), and I wouldn't call myself unfit. I smoke, and although I don't like to admit it, quite heavily at the moment. I recently tried to quit and after a couple of days it back-fired and I'm now smoking twice as much as before. Smoking is something that I look to give up in the future, but at least for now I need to cut-down. I have a tendency to avoid health issues unless pain's involved. For example, I know that I'm in desperate need of a dentist, but I never get round to making an appointment because the problem isn't immediate (even though untreated I know I'll regret it later in life). I also have rather bad eczema, and this isn't helped by the lack of routine in my life as I don't apply medicines routinely and any real attempt to relieve it for a substantial amount of time inevitably fails. As I'm going all out with the truth, it seems, I'll try and cure your undeniable boredom right now with something a bit spicier. My closest friend of 3 years is female, and like many-a-cliché before me, I can't deny anymore that I'm in love with her (writing that "aloud" made me shiver). The feeling is not mutual, at least not in a romantic way. For a long time I didn't believe that I did, and put it down to teenage lust. However, her job takes her away for 6-8 months at a time and my feelings for her never dwindle, infact they only seem to get stronger. This has both a positive and negative impact on my life. The positive? The idea of not being good enough for her motivates me to succeed in whatever I do (although not enough it seems). The negative? When she is back in the country (again, 6 or so months), it's a hell of a burden to spend so much time around her and not give away (at least explicitly) my pathetic emotions, whether it be wanting to kiss her or put my fist through a wall when she talks about her romantic involvement(s). To make things worse, there's no way I can lose her as a friend. Unfortunately closing the door on her and getting over her is not an option - it'll have to happen over time as I come to terms with the fact I don't stand a chance. I want to sort my life out. I'm sick of living a life where I'm "hanging on", whether it be financially, academically, medically or romantically. In all areas I feel I need to be more responsible, motivated and productive. Things have seemingly been building up recently and I find myself often thinking I'm depressed (although my rational side assures me I'm not). I guess I'm asking for suggestions and tips to get my life back in shape. I know what I have to do, it just seems to be the execution of it that fails me time and time again. Above all, it'll be interesting to see if posting this will make me feel any better. I genuinely thank you if you've taken time to read all this. I must admit this is the first time I've asked for help with my life, and thankfully I have the gift of animosity otherwise I'd never been able to manage this. Heartfelt thanks, A lazy, unmotivated bastard

Hi Whining Bastard. You're really quite charming. I feel for you, I really do. But, I can't help but think as I type this that you'll get this all figured out. None of it sounds abnormal and you are incredibly insightful about things. So, as I said, my best guess is that you will find the answers that you seek. There are a few things that I can suggest though. I, too suffer from some motivational problems. I know that I can do much better than I do most of the time but, I often do just what is needed to get buy. I have improved that with age however. My suggestion is to look into some meditation downloads that include binaural beats. You can google it and find some interesting stuff and some free downloads. They often help when the lazy side of me kicks in and I think in your case, you may find them helpful as well. There are many different kinds and they can be affective in many different ways. Have a look and see what you think. I think you will get all this worked out and yes, sometimes it does help just to get it out there. Best of luck to you.