Ending my marriage

I would love to make this long story short but doing so wouldn't give you the whole picture. Before I get started I would like to say Hello and introduce myself. I am 26 years old married to a 31 year old I have a one year old and two week old. Ok...Lets get started. December 2010 I became mentally ill, my family background is from the Island area and it was deemed that I was possessed. At this time I was estranged from my family because I could no long tolerate being the scapegoat of the family. it was destroying me and I would have done anything to get away. When I became ill I begged my friend not to take me to my narcissistic mother home, but they had not choice. My mother ran up and down the town parading me around in churchs. She disgraced me and made sure I did not forget about it. Everyday she would remind me how its such a shame that I was ill and that was it. That I needed to obey her now and be a good child. That I was only mentally ill because of how terrible I have been. Because I've been molested that no man could ever want me. I spent two months basically in a trans I did not eat I did not sleep. She made it seem like my problem was all my fault and that I caused this to happen to myself because of my disobedience. She finally brought me to this church where he cousin in law is a pastor at. I felt so much shame and guilt and everyone made sure I knew it. There were these men that came and prayed for me and until I felt better they said that I was delivered and it was by the grace of God and I should serve him. I decided to stay at the church because it seemed like they all then accepted me. I knew I was free and wanted to move and take control of my life. My mother convinced me not to and made me stay. One of the man who came and prayed for me told me that he would take piety on me and would marry me. When I explained this to my mother I could see how happy she was, that someone would ask to Marry me. I wanted to please her, I wanted the shame and guilt to go away. I felt so trapped and confused so worthless, I married him one year later. On our wedding night it was like I woke up, I knew I made the biggest mistake ever. My husband and I have two children a boy and a girl I love my babies. We got married at his church that I no longer attend. His sister never like me and he blames it all on me stating that i am no social and it's my fault that no one likes me. His whole family has distanced themselves from me as if to state that they know they have my husband around their fingers and he would get rid of me first before he sticks up for me. My husband along with the rest of the church leaders one day got together and embraced me infant of the whole church. The paster pulled a microphone out from my mouth infant of the whole assembly because of my husband and his family. They all attend this church. Keep in mind that I am a INFJ personality. People tend to misunderstand me.I have graduated with my BA in Legal Studies and I have goals to get my Doctors. I wanted to leave my husband for some time now. He has hit me a few times, he is constantly belittling me, critiquing me and when he's not its because he is not home. I do not have a husband. Before we got married he told me that I would never come before his family, I told him that I could not come second and that we did not need to get married. I was upset and began to cry, he apologized and said that he did not mean what he said and begged me to marry him. I regret I did because I am just background music to him and so are my children. I am more depressed than ever now days. I hate my self for losing control over my own brain. I spoke to my Mother about leaving my husband, she said yeah leave him but when you do I must leave the town, As to say that i'm such a disgrace. I am no leaving this town. I did nothing wrong. I am not estranged from my mother and father and can now see them for who they really are. The best way for me to Honor these people who I feel ruined my life is to just stay away. I feel so angry and so hurt. I have no friends because I am miserable and I don't want any company in my mess. I need to get away, get my self straight and most definitely stay away from my recent acquaintances. I have decided to leave my husband but it's so hard finding a room or getting any help. I hope someone out there understands me and has some good advice to give single mother. What should I do? I don't want to lose my children, these people are out to hurt me and after all they have done to me that the only way they can cut me. I am so tired guys, I was already tired when I came in the midst of these people. I wish I could explain every details of these horrible past four years. I need to get away. I feel like I've gone to far, I've messed up my life??? I told my husband to leave but he refuses to leave. I've been searching for work forever now and I can't find enough income to care for all three of us. My husband has told me I can leave and that he doesn't want me. I am happy that he is now being honest with me but why so late, why after you have taken so much from me. He said he was happy before i came into his life and he can't wait for me to be gone. I feel the same way, minus the happiness before I met him. I sad when I met him and now I am just depressed being with him. I've been attacked my his family and his friends and they all show their disregard and competent towards me. knowing my husband would never stick up for me. I just want to get away from these toxic people. I've call homeless shelters and women homes and nothing. Its like no way out. Everyone around me just thinks the worst of me, thanks to my Mother and Father and my steps sisters...are all brain washed. I have no one, only God. What do I do, I am tired of my son seeing me cry everyday and overnight. I need to move on. Is any one out their, who understands me?

Hi, straight up, if this was me I would definately leave him. I had been going to church for 10 years until I left about a year ago. I've been brought up accepting religion etc, but have never believed that it should take over your life and be the main cause for being unhappy. It's your life, don't worry about anybody else. You shouldn't have to leave the town, it's not your fault, everybody makes mistakes and your family should be able to accept this religious or not. He has hit you, this is abuse, it still comes under domestic violence even if it's not that bad. It is wrong in my opinion, and if this was me I would be leaving to be a happier, and stronger woman for not only myself, but for my children too.

Yes, you are right. Its hard for me to let go of having that long term marriage. Of not ever giving up no matter how hard it gets. It just hard to hang on to it when he has already stepped out the ring.

I am ending this post.Thank you all so much for your advice. Talking about just made me feel 100 time better. God Bless you! Have a good night.

dear dont lose hope, why do you think so much negative about yourself, let the world go to hell, if they insult you, if they they dont care about you, if they disgrace you dont worry, you are not at the right place, have faith in your self dear, you yourself need to be a strong person first, atleast for your children, you are surrounded by negative people, get out of there, settle in some other place,once you get away from all of them you will exprience happiness in your life , your life will be surrounded by positive people, make friends, do social work, help some one out, make yr self occupied, and always be positive the world needs more of this, dont let the world harm you, be strong enough to stand on your feet, and always maintain such relation with yr children, best of luck and bless you