3 months no contact after breakup and ran into her...
So, I screwed up in my relationship by breaking my sobriety…this issue came up several times during our relationship. We got really rocky over a financial situation toward then end and I relapsed. When we r reconciled over the financial issue – surprise, the relapse issue surfaced. She was really upset over breaking up with me. She said she was never gonna talk to me again, or get back with me ever again. I made all the deadly mistakes- and so, she changed her number, blocked me on social media etc.
So, my NC period has kinda been forced on me- and I’ve been doing really well with improving myself – I’m sober, getting big in the gym, and being positive.
It’s been three months now since we have said even two words to each other. And today, I ran into her on the street. I went up to her and first she smiled and giggled, but just kept on going without stopping… I went up to her again and she said ” do t talk to me, get away from me”
She still seems really upset I broke her trust and her heart.
And I’m not sure if she smiled cuz that was her first instinct to at the sight of me or if she was laughing at me.
3 months!!!! And I get left for dead on the sidewalk??
Should I just give up here or stick to the plan?
We were together for two years...
No - you weren't "together" for 2 years. You were relapsing and putting her thru hell. She was putting up with that for 2 years.
Trust? she probably doesn't have any with you.
Three months sober? Not long enough.
Her laugh could have been a nervous giggle. But it does not mean she wants to start up again.
For that information, you would actually have to talk to her.
We broke up the first year for three months - and I went clean for 1 year 8 months. I relapsed in mid November when a bunch of stuff hit the fan.
I agree it could be been a nervous giggle- but, do you think she's still in the healing bad memories / break up pain and needs more time to heal in order to even just talk to me or that shes.moved on? I've been making steady improvements to myself since
I think you should just move on and try to find someone less controlling. If you cant drink around this women, she either loves to dominate men, or she Is rich and snobby and thinks drinking is evil. Either way personally, if I made it out of my relationship for 3 months without reconcilling, I would consider it over.
(MATT, I think what the OP was strongly implying was that his drinking had got to a point where it ceases to be viewable as 'drinking' and comes under 'addiction'.)
VIMY, yes, given the bigger actions of walking away and then basically saying, 'back-back-back!', it does sound like you're history as far as she's concerned and the giggle and smile both shock reactions at unexpectedly seeing you.
Twenty months sobriety is good but you did make a mockery of it by relapsing when in actual fact, that sh*t hitting the fan was your golden opportunity in disguise to find another, healthier, more natural stress-coping mechanism. Since it's obviously something that's going to mar your relationships, considering cold turkey doesn't work with your particular personality and/or lifestyle, have you tried switching to a less toxic or even actually healthy crutch as a bridge to becoming completely clean? Understand that the alcohol could be anything and isn't the point, it's your tendency to need some sort of calming mechanism/ritual as too easily becomes an ingrained habit that's the problem. Some people, believe it or not, reach for health foods and potions; others reach for their guitar or some sort of fiddly craft project. Frankly, even taking up cigarette-smoking would be better than alcohol (fact), especially what with harmless e-cigarettes and shisha pens now being widely available (just more-ishly flavoured vapour).
As for the relationship, it strikes me that if you were on an upwards progress trajectory during the 3-month No Contact, then, it's merely that seeing her has surfaced and brought to the fore the almost-dead-but-not-quite feelings. I mean, if you're still in grieving and single then, compared to nothing she *is* going to strike you as an attractive option, isn't she, because anything's better than nothing. Compared to a better partner, however, you probably wouldn't have felt the urge to approach her to begin with.
Emotional-sexual attachment is just another addiction (albeit a necessary and - if kept in relative check - healthy, productive one) so the substitution principle applies yet again. Put another way, 'the best way to get over someone is to get under/on top of someone else'. (Doesn't work for every type but it sounds like it would on you.) Plus, a new relationship creates a wonderful opportunity to reinvent yourself. Food for thought?
Along which lines...Have you even considered that you turned so easily to drink partly (and I stress 'partly') because you and this woman were wrong for each other and would have both been better off with different partners, ergo you making all the deadly mistakes was you trying to passively get yourself fired? Everyone needs a motivation - a goal or reward - when 'dieting' so it stands to reason that the bigger and better the motivation the easier it'd be to say no to the substance (just until your addiction shrank enough for your natural willpower to take over, I mean).
Anyway, the upshot is that you have TWO addictions you're battling, and that's sometimes too much at one time, hence your renewed hankering over Addiction B (her) as if it could provide a distraction from A (drink), and my suggestion that you find two bridges to DeToxVille (or one that'll lead, positive snowball effect, to another).