8 months in and fighting every few days
I've not had to do this before, so bear with me.
To start, me and my partner met and started dating online about 8months ago, we met via 4chan then started "dating" after 2-3 days. The reason we did this was at the time we both felt an instant connection with one another. I'd not met anyone I had been interested in like this in 8 years since breaking up with my ex-fiancee, and she'd not for 7-9 years since she was raped by her ex-boyfriend. Our "fetish" to give it a simple saying is Daddy Dom / Little girl, but for both of us, this goes so much deeper as we both wish to take on the role of Dad and daughter to one another. Say what you will, I don't expect most people to understand this, but this is exactly what we'd been wanting and looking for for awhile and had found a person each we felt a strong connection with from the start so jumped into it, maybe a little to quick, but whats done is done.
The first month or so was perfect, we fell into our roles perfectly, we skyped for 10-14 hours a day when she was off work (I was not working at this time) and our webcams would be up for the whole of it, then suddenly half way into her internet billed month, her internet was cut off due to the download limit being reached because of the skype calls with web cam and this is where our first fight happened. Before hand, my partners way to realise stress was to bottle it up, then suddenly explode in an angry outburst over anything small. This is what happened after the her limit was reached for that month, it caused one of these outbursts from her. It went on for a few hours, but after the fact we made up and spoke about what happened and we both decided to talk more about our stress to try and limit this type on thing from happening again.
Well over the next month or so, the webcams never cam back on because of the download limit she has, the calls started being less and less fun where we'd not be talking and I felt less desire come from her, so I did what I see now was the wrong thing to do and pushed her harder and kept asking about the lack of interest from her and lack of webcam. this started to cause more fights somehow between us to the point we started fighting daily. After a few weeks, I felt her completely lose interest in talking to me as much and she started playing World of world craft 10-15 hours a day leaving me behind with nothing to do but wait around for sometimes a few minuets of conversation without the game being on in the background. All this time I started fighting with her more and more until, after Christmas I refused to accept it anymore and told her that it was over and to contact me again if sh wanted to work it out. After a short weekend of not talking, we started talking and said we'd work it out more and start over without pointing out what each of us had done in the past few months, something we'd done to score points.
So from about early/mid January to about March time, it had been going great, we found an mmo we both enjoyed and played that together, had far fewer fights, but still the odd one now and then, the calls started to come back and I felt more interest and love growing in the relationship between us.
But for some reason, over the last 2 months we've noticed the fighting has started to grow again, were fighting 2-3 times a week now over silly little things, we both seem to be on edge all the time waiting for the other person to suddenly say something that will start a fight that we both react to anything and see a meaning behind it that isn't there at all. We both know it and yet neither of us can seem to stop or put an end to the fights or our over reacting.
The reason I know/can see that I'm over reacting are;
I don;t feel like she doesn't listen to me sometimes, I don't feel like I can be open and honest to her about how I feel about things for fear of starting a fight when it's taken the wrong way, I'm very bad with over reacting and seem to far to quickly and easily over react to little things, I have too much need/want for skype and I can't let go of things as easy as I should do.
The reasons why I think shes over reacting;
She has issues saying/being sorry and shes told me she finds this hard and always has. Shes over emotional at times, I expressed a sadness for her going out with her family for one of my days off work and she said I was telling her she needed permission to see her family/telling her not to see her family/accusing her of "going out to a bar with some random guy". None of these things I accused her off or said she needed to do in anyway, she felt like that's what I was trying to say behind my words. She can explode in anger still when shes feeling really stressed and anything can and will set her off ranting at me taking her stress and anger out on me.
I know what allot of people are likely to tell me, that it's only been 8 months and to cut lose as it's clearly not working, but I need to know, is there anything that can be done to work this out? Can we do anything to try and make it work? We have plans to met up in the real world in 2 months or so when I'll be flying out to see her and see if this relationship can exist in the real world. We both want this to work out, but have both expressed our distress and feeling that we might not be able too do so.
For me, I want this to work out, as shes the first woman I've felt a connection with in 7 years.
I just have a quick question for you actually. What do you mean when you talk about your fetish because Im not exactly sure how that could work for anyone?
You and she don't even have a relationship because a relationship is forged in the real world. What you have is a BIT of a relationship. One aspect. But even then, this one fetish compatibility aside, it's clear you and she aren't right for each other, aren't on the same level thus don't see eye-to-eye, hence keep clashing.
"she said I was telling her she needed permission to see her family/telling her not to see her family/accusing her of "going out to a bar with some random guy". None of these things I accused her off or said she needed to do in anyway, she felt like that's what I was trying to say behind my words."
If you didn't accuse her of seeing someone else then who did? Answer: SHE DID. In her head. It's either called Persecution Complex, i.e. past accusations of an over-possessive bf still ringing in her head as has her still braced for more, or Guilty Conscience, i.e. she's at some point half-heartedly sampled some other guy behind your back just in case the whole problem was the combo of you and she per se...an experiment if you like. Or she could have been trying to cow you out of the argument by opportunistically planting a seed of doubt and insecurity. But she's obviously still hanging on in there with you so...
I get that you have a special need (this fetish), but just because someone else happens to share it, doesn't mean they share all the other relationship-requisite elements as well. It's only a special need, though, not a unique one. So somewhere out there is a woman with that major compatibility AND all the other important ones. HOWEVER, saying that, my own opinion based on my own and other people's experiences is that if there is Grade A chemistry then all the so-called incompatibilities (those that aren't the absolute must-haves, I mean) cease to act as obstacles to success because the drug hit that you never, ever want to lose makes it worth the couple's while to be mentally resourceful in finding ways around those incompatibilities or even to happily alter ones attitude towards them whereby they become bonuses and conveniences.
And that's the problem here: you and she haven't simultaneously jacked up yet. You haven't a CLUE whether you and she share compatible chemistry, let alone Grade A level, let alone injected it enough times to become addicts of it/one another.
Why on EARTH have you and she failed to meet after 8 long months? Have you never heard of how non-conducive to harmonious relations email typically is? Email = Ether. So you and she have chosen to try to forge a harmonious union via the most anti-harmonious place for it that exists (short of an actual war-zone)! You may as well have together tied yourselves feet-first by a length of rope to a racehorse out of a hopeful expectation of enjoying "a pleasant Sunday jaunt around the country lanes and dirt tracks"! LOL
What are you going to do if the minute you and she are face-to-face you feel absolutely NOTHING for each other, zero chemistry?! How silly are you both going to feel then, for having had all these prior clashes and arguments or even for having convinced yourselves you were boyfriend and girlfriend to begin with? (She could have a really bad case of Halitosis for all you know!!)
Yes, there's a solution: have that meet-up AND IN THE MEANTIME do whatever it takes, repeat, WHATEVER IT TAKES to avoid getting sucked into any more arguments in case one of them ends up with either of you cancelling in a fit of pique that crucial meeting. 'Yes, dear, no, dear, three bags full, dear'... Or if you want to be cleverer, 'You're dead sexy when you're angry, did anyone ever tell you that?'.
But talk about cart before horse!? Do you (to quote Monty Python) get up one hour before you go to bed 'n all?