Life

Okay, so I'm 18 years old. I've got nothing left with my life. I'm gonna have to start at the beginning. I need advice on any problem you see in this situation. When I was three my dad got really sick, my sister and I started taking things out on each other when we found out at the age of seven. At the age of nine I was raped by my best friends dad. My sister started her period a few weeks later and that really fucked with me. When I was twelve my dad died. He was my best friend and my entire world. Going through all of this my parents were abusing me. Just me. Not my other siblings. I had to undergo years of therapy. Well shortly after my dad dying I started cutting myself. Then I took hundreds of pills to try to see my dad again. I was desperate. I tried going to church and praying but nothing was working. One night I was sitting outside with my mom and I couldn't stop crying about my dad. I missed him so much, my mom got out this stuff that I'd never seen before. It was pot. And she rolled it up and told me to smoke it. She said it would make me feel better. Well I did. I started smoking all day, every day. It made all my feelings go away and that's what I needed. A few months following this I was with her again, same incident. Although what she offered as a release this time was whiskey. (At this point in the story I'm fourteen.) I started going to public school. And I started kind of liking this guy. I ended up losing my vcard to him and he got me pregnant. Well 7 months into the pregnancy I lost the baby. His name was going to be Bradyn Michael. My mom never knew. She didn't pay enough attention or care. She hit me all the time and she never figured it out. When I was fifteen my mom started kicking me out monthly. She would kick me out then call the cops and tell them I ran away. Which in a big city gets the kid arrested or brought back home. That happened enough times that I had a warrant out for my arrest. I then went into foster care at the age of sixteen and told the IRS everything about my mom. How she beat me,smoked weed with me and drank with me. They messed up and released me back to my mom. After a month of me living back at home, my mom required brain surgery. She went into surgery without saying anything to me, she sent me off when I tried to talk to her. Then the surgery took 14 hours. At that point there were complications. She came out acting crazy. She was trying to rip her arterial line out of her arm. The nurses wanted to sedate her and the family wanted nothing to do with her but me. I stayed the entire time she was there and didn't leave her side once. Then she got better and kicked me out again. I became a prostitue in a sense. I was sleeping with thirty year old men who didn't get any from their wives, just for a place to stay at night. I eventually moved in with my ex mentioned earlier in the story as my boyfriend. I lived with him for a while and then my mom made me move to another state because she "fell in love" but my twin got to stay where we had lived for 10 years. It was dumb. Then I came down her and delt with bratty step sister. At this point I was seventeen. I only had a year to go until I was out. Well my mom started abusing me again and my step dad didn't take too kindly to that. He kicked my mom out. Then it was a constant back and forth to where we were going where we were living etc. she moved back in with him but made me find my own home. I moved in with my boyfriend Kole at the time and his parents were verbally abusive to me. His mom accused me of doing meth an popping pills. Because I had permanent nerve damage to my leg I had just aquired and I needed the pills to kill the horrible pain. That got bad enough and I moved in with my friend Kate she started using me as an excuse to go do meth anytime she wanted. She was beautiful. But meth had taken its toll after three years. I got tired of that shit real quick and started staying with her brother. Her brother and I started sleeping together and being roommates. She punched me in the face and left me. Now her brothers moved with her. And I don't know what to do with my life now that I fell for her brother and they are both 500 miles away from me. I live with my drug addict brother and his junkie girlfriend. My friends don't like me or care for me anymore and the one guy that I felt for is still playing me from 500 miles away. Help. :(

Just live your life. be optimistic. just think of how young you are you can still do many things even if it's with your family, friends, or even yourself alone. just live.

Get help asshole

Yes, my father was abusive. He was not abusive for my entire life just after he got sick. I will meet blame him hitting me. He was on a lot of medication and wasn't in his right mind. I appreciate your advice.