Mother in law

I dont like my mother in law. I heard her talking about me to her sister. I have been with her son for 12 years already and every time i tell him about her coniving ways he doesnt hear me. How can i make him listen

Oh, what - you tell him you heard her badmouthing you (this case, to his sister) and he basically acts like he thinks you're lying or exaggerating for the sheer fun and giggles of it? Pff, does he heck. She's his mother, HE knows what she's like. And if he doesn't, he bloody should by now. He just doesn't have a clue how to tackle it so would rather pretend it's not happening. He needs to grow up and manly up. But if his ears are closed for business - after twelv-TWELVE WHOLE YEARS OF THIS - then maybe you ought to appeal to his eyes instead and, in other words, take action. Or FAIL to take action, i.e. refuse to visit with them or host them again until he does what is HIS job (lynchpin thus obvious mediator), finally. Easy for HIM to look the other way and pretend nothing's wrong, isn't it; he isn't the one suffering! Make his apathy/cowardice not worth *his* while, and then see how he likes THEM apples! Not that ideally you should have to...but it would seem that with this particular man, yes you do. What an immature, insensitive, impetuous, irresponsible woman, though, to have gossiped about you, with you obviously so within range that you even *could* get to overhear or eavesdrop. What - she couldn't wait until she and her daughter were alone on the phone? That was his emotional tutor growing up, that was. Hmm.. Cased closed as to why he's a head-in-the-sand and 'Ugh, make it go away!' merchant, eh.

Oh, trust! I have been there done that! I stayed away as long as i knew she was here. Now his only excuse is that it wont work because i dont respect his mother. I have given respect to the utmost but i will fear no one in protecting my personal space. She has disrespected me so much. I stopped giving her money and buying her things. Dont know how to handle this situation because i love and respect our relationship but his mother has been a huge problem what do i do

What won't work - his attempt to intervene? Or his HALF-HEARTED attempt? Because half-hearted means half-arsed which isn't generally seen as something that ever effects any real change, no. Oh, and look at where you are today - NO CHANGE. In fact, from what I'm gathering - worse. Crystal-clearly-evidently, then, he has never been worried enough to bother enough. So how the hell are you supposed to respect a woman who [1] would happily take money off you and [2] consistently behaves towards you (amongst other ways, I'm betting) like a snidey 10-year-old schoolgirl in the playground when the REASON she continues to believe she can behave like that towards and around you is because HE who's job it naturally is to sort it has never taken her properly to task over it? Wwwhat-ah? He's just full of excuses, isn't he. How would he like it if the shoe were on the other foot in your dad being funny with him and there was YOU refusing to tackle the problem properly, meaning HE had to feel like he were regularly visiting with the enemy? She doesn't actually HAVE to like you and nor do you have to like her. But she, in this context, is the adult so in fact any attempts to get on or at least to be civil and friendly should be coming from her with you following suit. And yet what we have today is her not giving a toss that she's risking you either overhearing or getting told (if ever her daughter had an axe to grind with her or her brother or just wanted to attention-seek and sh*t-stir), and not caring what further deterioration it could cause to the family-gathering climate. So what about whether she respects YOU? Or is respect a one-way street as for as he and his family are concerned? Sounds like it, doesn't it? What am I telling YOU this for? You know this already. You know it, I know it, everyone here knows it... And whomever it was originally coined the saying about how you don't marry a man's family when you marry the man, clearly was only ever talking about when the man is MATURE and not constantly in his family's pocket nor afraid of his own mother. For this to be a problem enough for you to seek support on a forum equals the fact you're expected to see his family pretty damn frequently. More to the point, this is his WIFE. How can he be happy if she isn't? How the hell does he sleep at night knowing you, desperately now, need his help with this constant black cloud hanging over your head yet hearing him repeatedly refusing to give it despite knowing it's been going on all this time, and hearing that his excuse for not lifting a finger is that any said INADEQUATE past attempt of his clearly didn't ever improve a thing? How selfish IS that? Doesn't that just translate to, 'Screw you!'? And this is supposed to be your for-life husband-soulmate-protector? This goes deeper, doesn't it. Re-refer to my 'one way street' comment. And now I'd like you to tell me what OTHER one-way-street attitudes exist in this man.

Idk who pisses me off the most him or her?!! I continue to tell him about her lack of respect for our relationship. Now that she sees we have matured and are not at each others neck she constantly does things that she knows will piss me off. For instance i had noticed that someone had been coming in our room while we were gone because i couldnt find my house shoes. I told him about it so im guessing he confronted her and when i got off she said oh you were looking for your house shoes i had them... Mind you they were missing all week. So i responded yea im pretty sure. After i went inside the house by the time i came back outside about 10 minutes later he said what did you tell my mom? I repeated the conversation back to him and his response was be careful how you talk to my mom. Another situation, i never answer my phone for his mother because she never wants anything and she calls me when im at work and cant answer...when i dont answer for her she goees and tells him that i ignored her call. The one day i did decide to answer i picked up the phone said hello and bam in my mirror i was getting pulled over. His only response was you just gota be careful. Im sick of this and i dont want to explode like some crazy maniac but damn she is really taking me there.

Him! Because she could be ANYONE giving you regular, ongoing grief. Listen, if he's going to be a stubborn and avoidant ass about it, maybe you should cease talking to no avail with your mouth and walk out (go stay with your parents or something) and STAY there until he's prepared to do what he tacitly yet legally VOWED to do, which was to be your TEAM-MATE (and the duo's head protector)! Tu problema, *su* problema! As for the details: how can his mother come into your room (and gone WHERE)? Are you saying you live with her or she with you? But anyway... wore your shoes? Does she want to BE you and force your ATTENTION, is THIS what her whole problem is - that you're not being best buds with her? Or is she just an over-entitled, liberty-taking wotsit? (Or both?) But, "and his response was be careful how you talk to my mom." - HUH?!?!! Oh, *I* see. She whinges and complains to him on and on and ON and because he can't hack it or be arsed, he'd rather you were the one to watch YOUR step in order to keep her off his back? Have you ever tried taking her to lunch at a quiet and fancy-ish restaurant (where she'll be captive) and without-prior-warning confronting her over what her problem is? She's obviously a giant coward so I can't imagine she'd 'want to cause a SCEEEENE'. Not that ideally you should HAVE to but clearly - CLEARLY - your husband's a chocolate teapot on that score, so...?

This is his house. I moved here because someone put water in my gas tank amd he felt that it wasnt safe for me to be at my house. His mom is here because she doesnt have anything for herself. She goes sleeping around and then comes back harassing him for money. Her newesst thing is telling people that i put water in my gas tank on purpose to be over here with her son. Like i would really put water in a car i bought four months ago to leave my apartment that i so perfectly decorated to come and be here with her and her crybaby son???!!!! Im a student one semester away from being a certified teacher while she is 46 and still has absolutely nothing to show for herself. She has no car no job no man no money and is constantly harassing me and putting dirt on my name for her own personal use wtf

Wait up - I'm confused. Surely the first reason you live with him is because you and he are married? In which case, it's half your house, too, no?