Fatherless, and virtually motherless

Hello, I'm a 20 year old girl. I lost my father almost 2 years ago; he'd committed suicide via burning himself. He was loving, but would hit me many times and criticize me in public. I have also said some unforgivable things to him, for which I'm finding it difficult to forgive myself. An hour ago, today, after a very heated argument with my mother, she said that she's fed up of me, etc (now, I'm extremely attention seeking at home, although outside of home, I'm not). Till that, it was fine, because I do trouble her a lot and demand a lot of her time. But then she said that from then on, I'm a "motherless, and fatherless child". Since then, my head's throbbing and tears aren't stopping. I don't have any friend(s) I trust enough to tell them (or him/her) about this problem because I fear I may be judged. I once tried telling a friend, and he kind of disliked me for criticizing my own mother. My mother always treats me like a baggage...I have a twin brother, whom she looks at with love and affection. But in my case, she looks fed up. I'm sometimes clingy, and I admit, I also misbehave when my mother rejects me. She doesn't want to have to do anything with me, and keeps saying I'm just like my father whom she calls a donkey. She keeps calling me names, and goes on and ON, about how worthless I am. She thinks I'm always whining, and that I'm evil and clingy. I don't understand her. She's very affectionate to my brother, and even LIKES spending time with him. With me, she's cruel. But I feel as though I'm really desperate and clingy. She walks away with ease, but I find it difficult to walk away. If things don't change fast enough, I think I may just damage myself beyond repair this time. P.S. Sorry for the colossal, whiny post.

Its ok we all go through things like this but dor your mother to turn away?? Kinda hard to deal with after losing your father... Apologize to your mom and find a close relative to talk to they know all the reasons why many family act out(yoir mom)

Thanks, SIGH. But I have tried apologizing before...and it's not turned out well at all. But thanks, still!

Well now you just have to clean up your behavior and improve alot of things in your life in order for anyone to listen to you. Even if they still dont you still have to do what you need to do