Frustrated

Life is so boring, I'm so concerned with freedom, I hate responsibility. I'm not making any money from my self employed 'job', I can't settle for a 9-5, who the hell wants to work for some one else and have your life governed by an alarm, n go to work to pay for the house you're never in n pay for the car to go to work then have the government take all your money via taxes to fund the 1%. I would rather be suffering like I am not making any money than do this but at the same time it's so frustrating! I have credit card fees, old debts, with no money. Money = freedom. The only way I can see myself making money is through this job which I'm not even making any money through. I live in an expensive area, and can't even move out of the area kus I have no money. Feel trapped. My family is moving away, but I can't go because my other half needs to stay around here for reasons. My son lives with his dad kus I can't stand responsibility and feeling trapped and like I can't do anything on my own terms and to top it all off we decided two months ago to get a dog and I'm even more trapped My life was amazing 6 months ago, I had a high paying job that I didn't need to put alot of effort into, I was on top of my payments and I felt all round good about my decisions and situation. I can't go back to my old job because my Internet isn't fast enough in this area Just general crap, sometimes I think I'm just a terrible person that doesn't deserve anything, but then sometimes I feel like I'm a boss lady and get stuff done and feel free and great kus everything's on my terms. You have to live your life no matter what, and make yourself happy and do what makes you feel good, to hell with everyone else, everyone else is scheming and untrustworthy and a waste of time. I don't have friends for this reason, I can't stand the chatter, like oh this person is talking behind this persons back, and this person is flirting with my boyfriend or all the petty crap society has made us worry about I try and fix my problems and get out of these situations of feeling trapped but I always fall back into it because life is just so unfair for some people. I got a heart full of love and simple needs I feel like nobody understands and I'm never going to be happy again All comments welcome, negative or positive, I'm so frustrated I hate society and all these idiots with man Buns and fake girls with fake tans and geordie shore personalities arggghhhh. LIFE WHY FOR YOU DO THIS TO ME

I know exactly how you feel. 'The Rat Race' feeling. I don't know what to say except it's your state of mind. Try writing down positive things when you wake up and before bed. Train your mind to think more positive and Happy. Try finding a career where it's less stressful and makes you happy for the most part. Simplify your life. Budget. Leave some time every day for yourself. So you can relax. Meditate. Do something you love doing or find a hobby that you enjoy.

People are people by the way. Not all people are bad. Branch out into different social groups and find people who are worth your time and who make you worth there time. Ask for help if you need. Just find ways to cope. Again I know how you feel. People not being trustworthy, being a slave for money, not having friends and being bored. It's just a phase in life and its up to you to change things. "Things won't change until you do"

"I feel like nobody understands and I'm never going to be happy again" OH, WELL...That gets you off the hook then?....Commitmentphobe Number three-billion-and-four? Don't you realise you're succumbing to the exact same cop-out that all these other sheep you so deride and pity have succumbed to as is precisely WHY they all sit there looking at anyone and everyone else but themselves for leadership, direction and answers-on-a-plate to begin with? "Baaaaaaa!" You're becoming "the enemy" as you speak. Sheep take ZERO responsibility and presume one of the other sheep must have it. I'll TELL you who wants to work a 9-5. Someone who's in serious debt - certainly enough to bind them - and for whom that fact OUTWEIGHS their dislike of the 9-5, that's who. Because, in dire straits, it ceases being about what one wants and becomes what someone is duty-bound towards themselves and all that sail in them to HAVE TO DO. What you've basically said all translates down to this: I hate life because it's a cage but I hate the fact even more that I have to get OUT of the cage in order not to hate living a caged life. Do you not hear yourself and how outright illogical AND self-defeatist that attitude is? Do you LIKE going round and round in circles or are you going to start rowing with the OTHER oar? You'd LIKE not to care about money. Wouldn't we all! I and Mr Soulmate would like to strip naked, don animal skins, build ourselves a treehouse and live like cavemen. But it's impossible in this day and age. Tough! We could *all* sit here dreaming about the fantasy menu but life involves/includes dealing with what's on THE REALITY PLATE and making it (or faking it until we make it) into as near-as-damnit that dream. Talking of dream - what happened to that dream job anyway? If it was such a dream job then how/why did you manage to lose it? Your poor little boy. :-( Have you not stopped and thought about what his one-and-only mummy seeming to reject him is doing to his poor mind? Don't you realise your whole problem is NOT your having deciding you can't tolerate involvement after having sampled it but the fact that you've never GOT properly involved. PROPERLY involved. What do you do at the swimming baths - stand in the baby pool with one leg in and one leg out? AND THEN YOU WONDER WHY NOTHING LIGHTS YOUR CANDLE. No. A barely-there, fraction of a flame never did. All you are is SCARED and trying to make it sound loftier. You need a damn good shoulder-shaking. (Oh, wait - I think I just did.) Go and get your over-sharp hormone peaks/troughs sorted, that'll go a long way to sorting yourself out, I reckon.

Your first sentence says (my words in parenthesis), "Life is so boring (depressive), I'm so concerned with freedom (manic), I hate responsibility (manic). Like I am, I think you're manic-depressive. Unlike me, you don't take lithium, and I'm able to sit here and write this and you're all over the place. You might go to a manic-depressive (bi-polar)website and take one of the 10 or 20 question tests to see how you score for that condition. If you think you might have that, you might want to see a psychiatrist and see what he or she thinks. When I first took lithium, it felt like air being let out of a balloon, the stress was greatly reduced. It wasn't like a tranquilizer, where you can't get out of bed and you feel groggy, you don't feel groggy at all, you just feel a great release of tension and stress. You will wonder how you survived without it. It will slow your mind down from where you wonder how the universe started, to where you can DO SOMETHING!!! Excuse me, I got a little too excited there for a little bit. My mind would move a mile a minute, also. Lithium will slow your mind down. It will not slow down your good thinking. It will slow it down to where you can act on your good thinking. Right now, you can't act on your good thinking. You are thinking so fast. There is no way you can act on any of your 100 thoughts in the last hour, because your mind can't slow down and settle on any of them. (Lithium also helps me with my anger.) For instance, if I were to suggest you get a psychiatrist to get his or her opinion, you won't be able to do that because your mind is going so fast, you don't have time to get the lithium that you may need. Because you don't have time to look through the yellow pages of an in-date phone book, or on the yellow pages of a computer, which can give you an up to date list of such doctors. I went through the same thing years ago. I didn't have the self-reliance, the "I'm responsible for myself," the positiveness, to believe I could solve this problem. And I didn't. I just completely fell apart after winding myself up tighter and tighter over a period of time, until my mind couldn't take it anymore. The doctor is not going to knock on your door. You have to go to the doctor to see what he or she thinks. If you don't appear in front of them at his or her office, they can't help you. It's like the drowning victim can't save himself, he's the victim. But in this case, you have to save yourself. Nobody is going out into the water to get you. You have to go to the doctor's office, so he or she can ask you, "What's going on?" And then you can pour forth. Then he or she can diagnose you, and prescribe what they think is the best medicine. Then you take the medicine and see if it helps, and think, what a fool I was for not taking this sooner. So, try to slow down, try to find the name of a doctor, try to make the phone call, try to get an appointment, try to go to the appointment, tell them what's on your mind, see if they might have some medicine that might help, take the medicine, see if it works. I know, all of that takes time, and in your speeded up mind, you can't imagine doing all of those things. They take too much time. Once you make the appointment, time will pass fast enough. I wish somebody had gotten up in my face 50 years ago and told me these things before I had my break.

(Stunningly good post, PJVL9, well done!)