Utimatiums - advice needed

Ok, you will have to excuse the essay, but I am in desperate need of advice. In Feb this year I met someone on the internet, we clicked and started spending everyday together even though we had a 50 mile distance between us. In April we went on holiday - got caught in the volcanic ash senario, and worked well together getting ourselves home over 2 days. In May I moved into his place, and gave up my flat. I drive the same distance there was between to the office everyday, and rush home to see him in the evening. In June he had a second operation on his knee, and is currently signed off sick. Ive supported him, and done as much as i can for him, without "tredding on his toes"! But on tuesday we had a massive arguement, I woke up feeling down and low, but this turned into and arguement of me not being honest with him when i left in the morning for work (he was still in bed), about me feeling this way. There were text messages having a go about how i didnt feel i could talk to the "one i love", albeit, i was rushed for time, then when the message came through i wasnt given time to explain. The entire thing kicked off, and I came home at lunch to try and rectify it, but he walked out. Came back 4 hours later, spouting off about how id made him walk 5+ miles on his bad leg, when I wasnt prepared to stand in the way of him walking out the front door (he has a temper!). The entire evening was spent being emotionally shut out and told that there was no way forward, and he wanted to walk, everything was guiding him to leave and never come back. He would only consider not ending the relationship there and then if I was able to re-let my old flat. So that "next time" there was a disagreement he could tell me to leave, and never see me again. Subsequently i have been able to get my flat back for 6 months, this is as an insurance policy that if it all goes pear-shaped I have somewhere to go. Which I totally understand. However, I am now terrified that when this lease comes through and the monies are transfered he is going to tell me to leave. We had / were on a plan to get somewhere remote in 2 years to live, prior to this get married and start trying for a family. We even documented this and signed copies to each other - these have been ripped up (by him). I am scared of loosing him, as i say, have never loved someone like this before, yet he has now shut me out emotionally, doesnt touch me unless i initiate contact. Help, advice, suggestions please...

Dear Flossi, Read your post as if someone else had written it. What advice would you give them? Good luck Rosie

Dear Flossi, Sorry to hear about that. I know what its like when you have had major knee surgery...I have had 16 ops on my knee!!. You dont say what caused the row? If he has a temper, I would say that the problem is probably boredom/frustraction that he is unable to fend for himself..the walking could have help matters!!. I would wait for a quiet time before you try to talk to him..ideally when he's not in pain!!

I meant to say walking 5+ miles COULD NOT have helped the situation

Hi Flossi, I hope you have resolved the quarrel and the underlying issues with him by now. There were probably a lot of underlying frustrations that were going through his mind which led to the outburst. As the saying goes, there is never smoke without a fire. Still it is unfair that you had to bear the brunt of his outburst for the miscommunication between the 2 of you. I know how hard it can be to lose someone you love very deeply. In your case, you would have to be patient with him and try to address the underlying issues. Since he is still recovering from his operation, he would be dependent on you and that gives you many opportunities to iron out issues with him gently. If there is any other way I can help you, do not hesitate to drop me a message at my website: http://hanofharmony.com.

Dear Flossi, If you truly love your partner, you will stand by him even while apart, let him know how you truly feel; he is probably going through tough times with his operation. I am/was in the same situation as your man. I had spine surgery last summer, i also met someone I truly love very much online and we are 70 miles distance apart, we were in the same pattern as you and now we have been trying to work it for the better for one year already. I love my partner more than ever because she understood to give me time to heal through my pain tempers i threw at her. I hope you will give yourself a chance at true love by giving him sometime to heal and let him know you will always be there for him. one day he will realize how precious and valuable you are. Good luck

Hi, I want to say thank you for the responses. It was extremely difficult for the days following the falling out and ultimatium. However we have worked through it and are still together. We have rented my previous place for 6 months as he insisted that he wasnt happy that I would have nowhere to go if we ended up in a similar situation, to which he would end it once and for all. I hope and know he hope that we will never need to come to using it, but it is there. Each day is a challenge, but we are planning in small steps now. Again thank you all so much.