Can't seem to get motivated

I am 15 years old and have been battling depression since I was 4 years old. In 5th grade I started contemplating suicide, but didn't go through with it because I was afraid that my dog would be sad every time the door opened and I wasn't back. I Sincerely thought that every single person hated me with every thread of their being. In middle school, I struggled with my sexuality. I prayed to god that I wasn't a lesbian every single day for 3 years straight for an hour each time. Every time I broke out into tears. I hated myself. Halfway through eighth grade, I accepted who I was and came out to my friends and family, who were really cool with it, but here I am today, In high school, more depressed than ever before, and I don't even know why. I go to sleep at 3 in the morning, wake up at 5 in the morning, go to school, try to avoid everyone, and go home and take a nap. I've been able to cope with it before, but it's becoming so much that I can barely handle it. I'm worried that this year I may actually kill myself. I'm afraid to talk to anyone about these problems and I don't know what to do. My motivation to even get out of bed went from a 50% to a 2% in just a few days. It's getting too difficult to cope with. I've been holding back every single emotions that's gotten in my way, and now everything is falling apart. I feel like I'm suffocating myself. Everyone knows me as a tough and funny person, and I don't want to show them what's underneath. No one can really see me. I haven't shown the real me to anyone. Not one. I can't. I'm not that kind of person. I'm afraid of people. I'm afraid of emotions. I'm scared, alone, tired, and I don't know what to do.

YUP: Saying you're depressed, way depressed, you might want to see about seeing a counselor. I'm on an anti-depressant, or I would still be depressed. Of course, your parents probably don't give a rip, and at 15, you can't go see a psychiatrist on your own. See, right there, everything is stacked against you. Which it is for everybody. The only thing you have going for you is your dog. Well, everybody doesn't have a dog. And your dog has a good master. Guess who I just got back from walking? My dog. Guess who is the only being I live with? My dog. Guess who is basically the only person who cares? My dog. So, pet your dog on the head. Take him for a walk. Can you get your parents to communicate? Can they speak English? Is it their native tongue? If you waved to them, would they recognize you? Maybe you could go to a general practioneer, with some fake ailment if necessary, and whisper to him or her, "I'm dying!!!!" And see if you get a response. See if they can give you an anti-depressant. See if he or she might recommend a psychiatrist who can diagnose you and give you some anti-depressants. And see if he or she can get it over to your parents that it is doctors orders that you see a psychiatrist, and here is the name of one, and the appointment has already been set up, while you're still in his or her office. I've had a general practioner set up another appointment for me with a heart doctor, while I sat there in his office, you've got an appointment, Wednesday, at 3 p.m. with Dr. Smith, bamb!, before I even left the first doctor's office that day. There's no reason they can't do that for you. Tell the general practioner: 1. can you give me the name of a psychiatrist? If you would prefer a male or female, tell them. 2. Can you set up the appointment for me right now? 3. Can you talk with one or both of my parents about this? 4. Can you set me up a follow-up appointment, to make sure this was followed through on? I know, at 15, you aren't supposed to be this responsible for all of this, but general reminders might be a help. 5. And that the gen. practioneer is also to meet with one or both parents, since they are sitting out there in the waiting room, to make sure you are going to that appointment, and what part they are playing? Hey, your dog is depending on it.

Thank you so much for your replies. I sincerely appreciate it and will try to do exactly that. You have been extremely helpful.

You go, Yup! Makes our hearts glad to hear you respond. Makes us feel like kings and queens. You had the courage to reach out for help, and at 15. That's really remarkable. Try to stay positive that you can keep going to get some help. I've read that if you stay positive going into a problem, any problem, that your chances of solving it increase, because you believe that you can solve it, and you're looking (consciously and unconsciously) for ways to win, rather than looking for ways to lose, as a negative unconscious mind can do, and you won't even know it. So in going into this problem and others, say, as I do now, "Think positive, think positive, think positive," so that you can drive the negative out of your unconscious, because you won't able to see it if it's there. And,hey, yeah, you picked up some people's spirits today. I thought we were supposed to be trying to help some unknown kid.

Yup: As far as fatigue, as sussiedqqq above mentioned, stating: "Yes, fatigue is the great enemy. It can throw us all off and cause depression, lack of concentration and weight gain. Exercise helps." I think she is absolutely right. I've had fatigue, and about a month ago, my son said he had lost weight by not eating bread, potatoes or rice. No carbohydrates. He lost about 40 pounds. It's different from reading that in a book, which I don't follow, and having someone standing there tell you that in the same room, someone whose views you trust. I quit eating those things that day, and potatoes and rice. I lost some weight, but what I also noticed was this: I wasn't tired. Hello! Wait a minute. What happened. It was the bread and potatoes and rice that was making me tired. Another way I can and have tested that is, for me to go back eating break for one meal, and afterwards I'm so tired, I can't even move. So tired that when my dog wants me to walk, and I know Yup doesn't believe this, I don't even want to to walk my dog. I just want to lay on the bed and take an afternoon nap. This neighbor told me a few days ago how tired he is all the time, and then tells he how much bread and French fries he eats. We were talking about that bread-free diet, but I want to tell him that without the weight issue, I've lost a few pounds, but I eat so much other stuff to make up for the loss of bread, but I want to tell him it makes you less tired. The diet might also help with the depression, I think it does. I would try it for a few days Yup, and see if you aren't less tired and depressed. Here's what I do, my son said, eat all the meat you. Eat a bunch of vegetables, eat a bunch of nuts (pecans, walnuts, cashews, but not peanuts). Cheese is OK. A bowl or full can of tomatoe soup with milk fills me up, along with the sliced meat, cheese, sliced tomatoe or cole slaw, can of Vienna sausage, fruit, for lunch. Breakfast, egg, bacon (or sausage, etc.) cantelope, that sort of thing. I also noticed on this diet that I didn't have chest pain after I exercised. Try it for one or two meals, and see if you aren't as tired, even after the first meal, by not eating bread.

I do tend to eat quite a bit of rice, so i'll cut back on those things as much as I can. Thank you for the advice! :)

Yup: Here's the full column on being positive. How's the dog? ___________________ by Niki Scott June 21, 1994 “We all know people who race around in small, futile circles whenever they’re present with a problem to solve, and others who seem to be natural-born problem solvers—able to tackle obstacles, calmly, logically and effectively. “Fortunately, being a good problem-solver is not a genetic trait. It’s a learned skill, one that can be learned at any age. If you want to improve your problem-solving skills, here are 10 steps that will help: "The three most important things of a good problem solver are attitude, attitude, and attitude. If you think of obstacles as anxiety-producers and unfair burdens, you almost certainly aren't an effective problem solver." “If you view obstacles as opportunities to gather new information, stretch your imagination, learn new coping mechanisms and achieve more control over your life on the other hand, you’re probably a problem-solving whiz.” “Be an optimist. If your general outlook is pessimistic, you’re probably not a good problem solver. Facing every puzzle with the assumption that it’s probably unsolvable practically insures that it will be.” “Happily, changing from a pessimist to an optimistic frame of mind isn’t as difficult was it might sound. Pessimism isn’t a genetic trait, either. It’s a habit of thought we learned as children—and can unlearn as adults.” “Keep an open mind. Most problems have not just one solution, but many—and sometimes the best ones sound far-fetched or even bizarre at first.” “Be flexible. Force yourself to give up old, outmoded ways of thinking or acting even though they’re comfortable. Experiment with new ways of thinking and acting, and you’ll be surprised by how quickly THEY become comfortable.” “Believe in yourself—no matter what. If you believe you’ll be able to solve a problem, your chances of solving it double. Review your past successes—frequently!” “Take one step at a time. We all want guarantees that our imagination, diligence and hard work will pay off, but good problem-solvers are able to concentrate on the job at hand and move toward their personal and professional goals without blueprints or guarantees of success.” “Ask for the help you need. There’s no shame in needing help—only in being too self-conscious, too self-protective, too proud or stubborn to ask for it. “Don’t ask for help you don’t need. Those of us who were taught as children to run to an adult whenever a problem arose, or encouraged in other ways to be helpless and dependent, may find ourselves automatically seeking help now when a problem arises—whether or not we really need it. “Resist the temptation. Asking for assistance before we’ve honestly tried to solve a problem robs us of our dignity, self-respect and self-confidence—too high a price to pay. “ “Respect the process—not just it’s outcome. Never discount a learning experience just because you didn’t get an A+ on the test.” “Regardless of whether you’ve been completely successful at solving any problem, working on it almost certainly has gained you valuable experience and insight—good tools to bring with you the next time you have problem to solve!” “Finally, never hold the past over you own head. Learn what you can from your mistakes, give yourself credit for trying, then wipe the slate clean, quickly, and give yourself the same sympathy, understanding and encouragement that you’d gladly give to any friend.” Niki Scott June 21, 1994