My life is falling apart and I feel more than just depressed

This whole year has been one of the hardest of them all. I'm barely 21 and I should be enjoying life yet I'm stuck with so many problems. It all really start at the beginning of this year. I had a really good job that not only i liked but was paying me really good. My boss left and that's where it all went down hill for me. I was put down to part time by the new manager with promises that it would be back to normal soon. Then he tried to demote me by making it seen like it was a promotion. Long story short i decided to leave the job. I was being put down and taking advantage of. I left that i didn't deserve that and yes i know you're not suppose to love your job. but i went from liking my job to hating it so bad that i would cry in the morning before going to work. I left that i could do better than that and that i deserved better than that. i left without getting a new job. MY FIRST MISTAKE. My mom is a single mother and I've been helping her ever since i graduated from high school. I would pay for half of the rent, the bills, etc. So when i left my job i had a little money to use but it all went by so quick. i ended up finding another job for less money but at that time i was desperate. I was okay for a while but i didn't really like my job so i kept looking. I found something better and i took it. within 3 days of working at the other job they lay me off. 3 freaking days! They didn't even train me or anything. Since then I've been without a job. I have no money left and i have my mom down my throat telling me if I'm going to do anything. I mean I've been looking for a job but i just don't get anything. I have or had a boyfriend who was helping me be positive because by this time I'm already super stressed and negative that i don't have a job. He decided to leave me today because he thinks he's holding me back. He said that I don't do anything because i just want to spend time with him. He had been the only person that was supporting me both emotionally and mentally. He said that i've lost my way and that i'm no longer the independent girl i use to be. And i completely agree with him. I do hate that he had to use that as an excuse to break up with me. Because i was there when he lost his job, when he went to jail more than once, when he got in a fight with him mom and needed a place to stay. I was there through thick and thin. I don't understand how he couldnt I want to get over him because i feel like i was to attached to him and now i cry the second i think of him. I want to get back up on my own like I've always had without anyones help but I'm not sure i know how anymore. I have gotten so depressed that i don't even want to live anymore. I know those are really bad thoughts but they gotten to me. I never thought was it was to feel to suicidal until now. i know other people have bigger issues than mine but its just so much that i don't know if i can do it much longer. Everything is falling apart and i don't know how to get out of it. I lost the only person that kept me going. I lost my best friend.

Jobs are tough. Life is tough. Sounds like circumstances. Mine was I just had trouble holding jobs because of emotional problems. It can be hard to find a job you like. Below are some quotes I just looked up for someone else on the board, and I thought a few of them might apply here. Below that is a column on being positive. I didn't know it, but unconsciously I was negative and was wondering why I had a difficult time solving problems. It was because, unconsciously, I didn't want to solve it, or think that I could. Con. I did want to solve it. The two parts of my brain were going in different directions, so I just sat there in the middle. I don't think you have this. But it might help you anyway. Also, I think susiedqqq is right. You're plowing through lower jobs, when you might want to consider an education and a career. Although, I heard of a woman here in my town who started out as a secretary for a car dealership, and when the owner retired, she was so competent, and knew the business so well, he just handed it over to her. She may have had to pay him for some of it, I don't know, but she ended up with it, and ads all over TV selling new cars at her dealership. She owned it. And was very good at it. I saw her in town one time and recognized her from her TV ads. I said, "I enjoy your ads `Jane,'" and she said "Thank you." She was famous around here. She started at the bottom. She didn't have a college education. So you could climb up that way. _____________________________ Your Present Situation is Not Your Final Destination by Kevin Ngo Falling down is how we grow. Staying down is how we die. --Brian Vaszily -- The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. –Chinese Proverb -- I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions. –Stephen Covey “I haven’t failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas Edison _______________________________ by Niki Scott June 21, 1994 “We all know people who race around in small, futile circles whenever they’re present with a problem to solve, and others who seem to be natural-born problem solvers—able to tackle obstacles, calmly, logically and effectively. “Fortunately, being a good problem-solver is not a genetic trait. It’s a learned skill, one that can be learned at any age. If you want to improve your problem-solving skills, here are 10 steps that will help: "The three most important things of a good problem solver are attitude, attitude, and attitude. If you think of obstacles as anxiety-producers and unfair burdens, you almost certainly aren't an effective problem solver." “If you view obstacles as opportunities to gather new information, stretch your imagination, learn new coping mechanisms and achieve more control over your life on the other hand, you’re probably a problem-solving whiz.” “Be an optimist. If your general outlook is pessimistic, you’re probably not a good problem solver. Facing every puzzle with the assumption that it’s probably unsolvable practically insures that it will be.” “Happily, changing from a pessimist to an optimistic frame of mind isn’t as difficult was it might sound. Pessimism isn’t a genetic trait, either. It’s a habit of thought we learned as children—and can unlearn as adults.” “Keep an open mind. Most problems have not just one solution, but many—and sometimes the best ones sound far-fetched or even bizarre at first.” “Be flexible. Force yourself to give up old, outmoded ways of thinking or acting even though they’re comfortable. Experiment with new ways of thinking and acting, and you’ll be surprised by how quickly THEY become comfortable.” “Believe in yourself—no matter what. If you believe you’ll be able to solve a problem, your chances of solving it double. Review your past successes—frequently!” “Take one step at a time. We all want guarantees that our imagination, diligence and hard work will pay off, but good problem-solvers are able to concentrate on the job at hand and move toward their personal and professional goals without blueprints or guarantees of success.” “Ask for the help you need. There’s no shame in needing help—only in being too self-conscious, too self-protective, too proud or stubborn to ask for it. “Don’t ask for help you don’t need. Those of us who were taught as children to run to an adult whenever a problem arose, or encouraged in other ways to be helpless and dependent, may find ourselves automatically seeking help now when a problem arises—whether or not we really need it. “Resist the temptation. Asking for assistance before we’ve honestly tried to solve a problem robs us of our dignity, self-respect and self-confidence—too high a price to pay. “ “Respect the process—not just it’s outcome. Never discount a learning experience just because you didn’t get an A+ on the test.” “Regardless of whether you’ve been completely successful at solving any problem, working on it almost certainly has gained you valuable experience and insight—good tools to bring with you the next time you have problem to solve!” “Finally, never hold the past over you own head. Learn what you can from your mistakes, give yourself credit for trying, then wipe the slate clean, quickly, and give yourself the same sympathy, understanding and encouragement that you’d gladly give to any friend.” Niki Scott June 21, 1994

He bailed. I am sorry. May I suggest that you get a job at McDonalds and go to school to gain a degree. Work toward a future. A Lover will come and go..but taking care of yourself is always a must. Oh and btw younshpuld he mad at him and not missing him. He bailed!