A new life!

1. I am a 28 year old woman who has been sexually active with a man on and off now for 5 years, whom i was deeply in love with, and emotionally exclusive. 2.Last week i found out that he has a whole other life, has been with another woman for a least 3/4 years, and its more than probable they have kids together. 3.I am extremley angry as he REPEATEDLY denied sleeping with or having kids with anyone else. 4.I am hurt and wounded, because his response was to repeatedley BEG me not contact this woman as this would "break" her. He showed no empathy for my feelings, and totally disregarded them. He even went so far as to violenlty grab my arms and shout and me, when i showed him the facebook page, (with a picture of them two in it), asking me why i had been "stalking" him and saying that i was "obbsessed". 5.I suffer with alot of my own problems as it is, which include depression, confidence problems, isolation, family berevement ect, ect. 6. Having this guy in my life has been like a light to me, giving me a futre to aim towards, with hopes of a morgate, kids ect. Now i have cum to found this news, obviously all my hopes have been shaterred, i cant eat,, im oversleeping, and an emotional wreck. 7.PLEASE HELP!

i am louise 121, i just wanted to add that i rely on this guy for sex, now im not going to have any1 to have sex with? Dont know what to do?

First of all, a guy who treats you like this is no light in your life. He only wanted you for certain things. Whatever he wasn’t getting in his other life, he was getting with you. You, on the other hand, wanted the whole package. You have a right to that, as we all do. For him to disregard your feelings is wrong, as you were the one being played for a fool. If he actually cared about you, he would never have put you in this situation to begin with. If he actually cared about this other woman, he would not have cheated on her. HE is responsible for this mess HE created. You do not need this man in your life. My suggestion is to break off your ties to him ASAP and expose him for what he did, because if you don’t , he may do it again to someone else or the situation may get worse for you. It is his fault for this situation. WHAT YOU COULD DO: You let him know that he has three options: he tells her, you call her about it, or you will come over and talk to her. If he doesn’t like those, tell him you will post it on Facebook. For your own safety, you may need to call or email him about what you will do rather than meet him about it. Be firm about it, try to be as calm as possible, and carry out what you say you will do. He may call you every name in the book, but show him that he will not get away with this. He wants his way, and he shouldn’t get it. Please remind him that this is his fault and he did this to himself. I think it would be best to call the other woman and discuss the situation as calmly as possible. If you have broken off the relationship before this discussion, let her know that you are no longer with the man and you no longer want anything to do with this situation. Again, you want to come off as a rational, calm person. If you don’t, he may get away with this and you will make it look like you are crazy like he said. REMEMBER THIS: You are not crazy. You are not a bad person. What the other woman decides to do is her business, but you make sure to get out of depending on him for your own sanity. This will be difficult, but this is the best thing for you to do in my opinion. You have to work on your problems and face them without anything from him. HELPFUL TIPS: Think about what is positive about you and your life each day. For instance, you have a great capacity to love others. Cherish that about yourself. You can be whomever you want. You can achieve whatever you want. If you want to have a relationship in the future, it is possible, but do not sacrifice your own well-being for one. Build yourself up in positive ways before pursuing another relationship. This may take months or years to do. You may not have sex for a while, and that is okay. If you need anymore help, you can post in this section again or seek professional assistance/counseling. Hope this helps! Sorry it is so long…TILES

thank you tiles for your response its greatly appreciated. I have recieved some rather negative feedback from other females who have declared that sine we were not \"official\", then somehow i deserve/d the treatment i recieved! (hmmp- dnt think so) I actually msgd the other via facebook, but it seems to be a case of hear no evil, see no evil, as she has failed to respond to my many msgs! I know i am hurting right now, but i need to understand what i know now will set me free. I pray to god to that i will never see this guy again, as this did happen in the begining of our relationship, (him telling me that he was seeing another woman), and i told him where to go, and didnt see him again for another two years! This guy has something about him where he INSISTS on being in my life!! I have set up a counselling consulation for this thursday, which i did partake in before, but broke off as i WAS getting better! It is SO true what u have said, and im going to go to an internet cafe tomrw and print off what you have said so i can turn and read it, anytime im feeling down. I think i need to understand this truly is a blessing in disguise, its just that i never thought i would be going through something like this at such an early age! The ironic thing is i am actually a professional model, and am consistenly approached by men, alot of whom are powerfull characters, with money, status ect, but all the male attention i recieved has been put aside because of him! I need to realise that I am the lucky one, as i am the one who has been set free! Still this situation hurts SO much, and after 5 years, i know that emotionally and physically it will take time to wean myself off of him. My concern now is for my future, finding that compatiblity with someone else, im scared, im 28 and i have never truly dated! Im not working at the moment and im scared that that will put potential suitors off, although me being a model should help! Thankyou SO much for advice, as everyone else i have spoken to has told me to \"get over it\" and that im \"just being silly\", as if i havent been in a relationship for the past 5 years! Anyways, thankyou so much once again, and i will bear in mind that the biggest punishment for this guy will be the fact that he will no longer know who and what i have in my life, and he will no longer be able to control me! This will be his biggest punishment! And also to bear in mind the fact that thier relationship means nothing, as he is a serial cheater and emotionally abusive, and there is ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING FOR ME TO BE JEALOUS OF! thankyou louise121

Jerks can appear at any age, in any form. Luckily, the man you have problems with doesn't speak for the other men out there. This a life lesson that will help you in future relationships. Make sure to give yourself enough time before pursuing another relationship. I am glad I am helpful. Seeing that you have hope gives me great joy! TILES