Parents don't get along (badly). Please read this instead of the previous one

I'm a 17 y.o. guy. Originally Russian, lived in U.S. for 6 years now. I'm not usually the kind of person to share these problems. I don't want to talk about them, even with my best friends since I feel like family problems should stay inside the family. On the other hand I think it's okay to share them anonymously. I don't have any clue about what to do or how to act. Here's the story *sorry if this sounds whiny* shorter version: my mom and I live in NC with my 2nd step-dad(X) and my sister(child of X and my mom. she's 5). my mom cannot get a job because we moved in with him from Russia (6y ago), her rus. education wasn't valid, so we all completely depend on him. I hate his guts, my mom does too. He is not letting me or my mom drive my mom's car (took the keys) and took away her credit card because i didn't cut the lawn on that day (could not physically do it because i had to be somewhere else and he told me ON that day). My mom is in bed because the nerves in her back (because of excessive stress) made it temporarily impossible for her to move. I had to start work on the next day after he took the car away. it is the only way for me to earn money independently from him. i suspect he took the car away so i wouldn't be able to. I'm asking my friends to drive me, but it won't last long. while i work 9 hours a day, my mom's in bed alone. X is at work. she cannot break up with him since the law says that he will get my 5 y.o. sister, otherwise she would have done it 5 years ago. i've hated him for 6 years and it's reaching the peak. i even think about ending my life (don't worry, not suicidal though. no need to post soothing comments to prevent me from doing that). there is no way in the world i will actually do it because i can imagine what it will be like for my mom if i'm gone. Also for my 3 grandparents who will probably all have heart attacks when they find out. i think about it because i have no clue what i can do. i have no desire to live for myself since i am so tired of this fighting and being treated like shit. the only reason i still try is for my sister. she absolutely must not experience the things i have been through no matter what i have to do, i will do it. the question now is: what should i do? how should i act? how do i make my mom's and my sister's lives livable?

Daniel, you have a very tough situation. I’m glad you are able to be independent somehow. X may have control over your domestic situation, but he will never have total control over you, your mom, and your sister. He can never control your thoughts, feelings, and identity. Below are some ideas. SUGGESTIONS: Look, obviously this guy is a pain in the butt. Don’t feed into it. If you get angry with him, he will make life worse for you. You hate him and your mom hates him, right? There is a good chance he could hate you too or he may have some personal issues. If the feeling of hate is mutual, don’t stress out. If he says that something is your fault or he is mad at you, ask him how you can make it better. Apologize, negotiate if possible. Even if you are in the right, you will be wrong in his eyes. Try to take the hostility down a notch. If he does something you don’t like, inwardly laugh about it (if possible), dust yourself off, and live your life. Even if he doesn't deserve it, let X know that you appreciate what he has done for you, your mom, and your sister. Let him know this every now and again. Sometimes positivity can go a long way. Remember to be thankful that you have a great mother and sister. It could be worse (For instance, what if it was just you and X? Be thankful that is not the case.). IDEA FOR THE LAWN: Could you get a friend to do it when you can’t (if you can afford to pay him/her)? Or offer to mow someone else’s lawn for profit? Maybe X could get most or all of the profits for it. That way, if you miss a day, it won’t be such a big deal. Or, you could offer to do something else to make up for the lawn day. FOR YOUR MOM/SISTER: Sometimes relaxation/visualization exercises are great for stress. For relaxation, just breathe or hum in a pattern and focus on your breathing/ humming. Visualization is just thinking about positive situations or places. This can be helpful for you and mom. I don’t know if she can use her hands, but playing games, reading, solving puzzles can help her get through the time when she is alone. Some people like to keep journals about many topics as well. What are her interests? Help her tap into what she likes to do. Designate a time/day when you, mom, and sister can have some serious family time. Talk about anything you want, do whatever. If Mr. X is around, have him suggest something for family time. Before you go to work each day, leave notes or something special for mom so that she can be reminded that you love her and she is always in your thoughts. You can do this for your sister too. Your sister can draw pictures for mom or help to write notes for mom too. Offer to run errands for X where you can take your sister along. Have her spend some time with you when doing chores and other activities at home. She could be your little helper. These ideas can help life to be more bearable. Much luck, and I hope you, your mom, and your sister have a better life in the future. TILES

:) Thank you so much for this! It made me feel better and I never really thought of some of these options. The positivity has always been my thing, so I’ve never shown in any way that I hate him since it would make the situation just worse. I understand that it gets people nowhere, so I simply listen to him and say okay to whatever. I’ve learned to separate myself from his bad emotions, so even after he “talks” to me alone, I can stay in a good mood afterwards by not really thinking about what he said. The only problem is his relationship with my mom. That causes all of the internal negativity and stressful situations. I’ll definitely do what u said about the relaxation and note writing and all. That seems like a great idea. But she’s feeling better now anyway. It took a rock off my chest at least seeing her walk today:). She was able to go to the doctor and they said that she will be getting better soon and it’s nothing too serious:). A bad news though, is that I’ve tried forgetting and forgiving many times with him, just apologizing and saying I’ll try better. It never works anymore though. He scolds me for apologizing since he thinks I shouldn’t apologize, but instead just show that I understand by acting better or something along the lines of that. And even though I rarely make mistakes like not cutting the lawn right after he tells me to do so (the last time it happened was like…last year), every time I do, he thinks that I still haven’t learned anything since it happened again. I want to find something to compensate for all this… something of my own that could just make the bad mood go away when these events are at their worst. I feel I’ve just been coping with a bit too much. This is really something that helps though. It kind of emptied that glass that has been filling up for now, so thank you very much. I wish all people were like that :)

For X, actions speak louder than words. He wants to see the progress. So, just do your best. As long as you do that you will be fine. TILES