My disability makes me feel useless

This may sound like one long whine, so I'm sorry for that in advance. I need someone other than family to talk to, because my family just enables me to be lazy and shirk the few responsibilities I have in the house. So here's the long and short of it: I was disabled at 15 from a grand mal seizure and like 3 mini strokes plus the many following complications brought on by neglectful nurses. (I'll spare you the history) I'm going to be 25 in several months, but until recent years, I haven't been able to walk more than half an hour. It's my fault I'm in such terrible physical shape, I won't deny that. But, I've been given so much slack since it happened, that I've been taking the easy route by living a sedentary lifestyle. I go through phases of feeling accomplished like, hey, I survived when no one thought I would. They were going to send me to a home for the disabled, but I made it through, right? Then there are phases like the one I'm in now. Ones where I remember how little I've done with my life, although it wasn't by my choice, I haven't done a dang thing at all but live... Having 6 siblings doesn't help with my feelings of accomplishment. I'm proud of my siblings, all of them, but I compare myself to them and get really down on myself, I've lived on the whole "It's okay, you've been through so much. You're doing fine." spiel for too long. My only talents are consuming resources and occupying space. Anyways, I've said what I needed to say, sorry for the rant.

I have some problems myself, so you and I could have a conversation, but you said, "I go through phases of feeling accomplished like, hey, I survived when no one thought I would. They were going to send me to a home for the disabled, but I made it through, right? Then there are phases like the one I'm in now. Ones where I remember how little I've done with my life, although it wasn't by my choice, I haven't done a dang thing at all but live..." What is it you are wanting to do?

Honestly, anything (in other words, I have no idea...) But I know that anything would be better than the nothing I'm doing right now. The main problem with that is I'm unable to drive due to the consistence of my seizures, so I have to depend on my parents to get anywhere. I always feel like a burden, and I've recent had my seizure medications upped again because the seizures seem to be coming back again after many months of absence, and the meds are not cheap. So that's one more thing to add to the massive pile of charges my parents have to deal with because of me. I have zero direction in my life with zero goals, I have no idea what to do with my life. I wish I had a better answer, but I just don't know.

I'm glad you responded. You said, "Honestly, anything (in other words, I have no idea...) But I know that anything would be better than the nothing I'm doing right now. The main problem with that is I'm unable to drive due to the consistence of my seizures, so I have to depend on my parents to get anywhere." I also have a handicap that does not allow me to drive. For about 6 years, my handicap was so bad, not only could I not drive a car, I couldn't even ride in one. As in, can't go to the doctor's office? Right. So you aren't the only one who has trouble with transportation. I know how tough that can be. Right now, I can ride in a car with someone who can drive me. You also said about goals, "Honestly, anything (in other words, I have no idea...) But I know that anything would be better than the nothing I'm doing right now." And, "I have zero direction in my life with zero goals, I have no idea what to do with my life. I wish I had a better answer, but I just don't know." The below column on being positive before trying to solve a problem helped me a lot. Why don't you read that, and let me know what you think about the column? _______________________________________ Here below is the column on being positive, that has helped me. Unconsciously, I was negative and didn't know it because it was in my uncon., but for some reason I had difficulty solving problems. When I came across this col. below, on being positive going into a problem, I knew what my problem had been: con., I wanted to solve the problem, but uncon., I was neg., and until the 2 parts of my brain could work together, I wasn't gong to solve a lot of problems. This col. helped me to train my uncon. to be positive. Prio to my nest problem, I said to myself, just read this col. first. The problem is your uncon. neg. So I read the col. first, and by the time I got to the 4th paragraph, I had solved the problem, by first clearing my uncon. of neg. When away from the col., and I had a problem, I would say to myself, "Think positive, think positive...." again, trying to clear the neg. from my uncon. Here's the col. below. ___________________________________________________ by Niki Scott June 21, 1994 “We all know people who race around in small, futile circles whenever they’re present with a problem to solve, and others who seem to be natural-born problem solvers—able to tackle obstacles, calmly, logically and effectively. “Fortunately, being a good problem-solver is not a genetic trait. It’s a learned skill, one that can be learned at any age. If you want to improve your problem-solving skills, here are 10 steps that will help: "The three most important things of a good problem solver are attitude, attitude, and attitude. If you think of obstacles as anxiety-producers and unfair burdens, you almost certainly aren't an effective problem solver." “If you view obstacles as opportunities to gather new information, stretch your imagination, learn new coping mechanisms and achieve more control over your life on the other hand, you’re probably a problem-solving whiz.” “Be an optimist. If your general outlook is pessimistic, you’re probably not a good problem solver. Facing every puzzle with the assumption that it’s probably unsolvable practically insures that it will be.” “Happily, changing from a pessimist to an optimistic frame of mind isn’t as difficult was it might sound. Pessimism isn’t a genetic trait, either. It’s a habit of thought we learned as children—and can unlearn as adults.” “Keep an open mind. Most problems have not just one solution, but many—and sometimes the best ones sound far-fetched or even bizarre at first.” “Be flexible. Force yourself to give up old, outmoded ways of thinking or acting even though they’re comfortable. Experiment with new ways of thinking and acting, and you’ll be surprised by how quickly THEY become comfortable.” “Believe in yourself—no matter what. If you believe you’ll be able to solve a problem, your chances of solving it double. Review your past successes—frequently!” “Take one step at a time. We all want guarantees that our imagination, diligence and hard work will pay off, but good problem-solvers are able to concentrate on the job at hand and move toward their personal and professional goals without blueprints or guarantees of success.” “Ask for the help you need. There’s no shame in needing help—only in being too self-conscious, too self-protective, too proud or stubborn to ask for it. “Don’t ask for help you don’t need. Those of us who were taught as children to run to an adult whenever a problem arose, or encouraged in other ways to be helpless and dependent, may find ourselves automatically seeking help now when a problem arises—whether or not we really need it. “Resist the temptation. Asking for assistance before we’ve honestly tried to solve a problem robs us of our dignity, self-respect and self-confidence—too high a price to pay. “ “Respect the process—not just it’s outcome. Never discount a learning experience just because you didn’t get an A+ on the test.” “Regardless of whether you’ve been completely successful at solving any problem, working on it almost certainly has gained you valuable experience and insight—good tools to bring with you the next time you have problem to solve!” 'Finally, never hold the past over you own head. Learn what you can from your mistakes, give yourself credit for trying, then wipe the slate clean, quickly, and give yourself the same sympathy, understanding and encouragement that you’d gladly give to any friend.”

Thank you for sharing that, I'm actually kind of speechless right now. Not meaning to sound self-centered, but everything written in this column really describes me, and how I've been "handling" my problems. Especially thinking negatively, always staying in my comfort zones, asking for help before I've tried, and holding the past over my own head. Do you think it would be okay for me to print that out so I can read it every once in a while to remind myself of these things?

I'm the one who is speechless. I've been on this board about 4 months, is a guess. And have given out that column to a number of people, and not one of them has ever said it affected them in any way. It sure affected me when I first read it. I was reading it with my mouth open, thinking, "This woman is touching every part of my brain. Every sentence she writes, directly affects me. I had no clue why I couldn't solve a lot of problems. It was that I went into problems with a negative unconscious (it had to be my uncon. because I was never aware of what was happening. I was half wanting to lose to prove my uncon. was correct." I told myself, cut out this column (make copies of it), and post it on your bullitan board. I said to myself, the next time you have a problem, don't worry about the problem, because that's not the problem. The problems is my neg. uncon. I said, next time you have a problem, get the col. down from the bullitan board, and start reading the col. Don't even think about the problem. The problem is not the problem, the problem is the way you think about the problem, setting up a defeat with a neg. uncon. So the first thing you do when you have a problem, is to read the col. to knock the unaware neg. out of your hidden uncon., so that your uncon. doesn't trip you up. And I did that. The next time I had a prob., I went straight to the bullitan board, got down the col, and started reading it. By the 4th paragraph, I had solved the problem without even thinking about it. I had never done that in my whole life. I had finally conquered myself. I still have problems, but at least now I have a fighting chance. At least now, I don't get in my own way. yeah, I would love for you to copy the col. on your computer, take it to Documents or something on your computer, I open up "Word" where new material goes, and paste it there with a "name line" such as "positive column." That's where I went I(or to a site on "Documents" which had the previous 5 or 6 sentences about my uncon. which I had typed for a number of other people)to get the column for you, before typing in my comments to you, and then I already had the col. saved ready to paste at the bottom of my comments, so you would have it. Yeah, I want you to print it out, put it on your bullitan board. Yeah, next time you have a problem, don't think about the problem. The problem is not your problem. The problem is your thinking (as you've already told me.) The problem is you think neg., and since it's in your uncon., you can't see it and don't have clue to what's going on. When you're away from the col. and you have a problem, again, don't think of the problem. The problem is not the problem, it's the way you think about it. It's that hidden neg. Say several times, "Think positive, think positive...." trying to drive out the neg. from your hidden uncon. Then try to solve the problem. You'll still have problems, but you'll be better able to handle them. So, what are some of the things you think you might want to do?

Really? I could completely relate to that, I couldn't agree more that it was like she was inside my head, saying exactly what I needed to know! I've been looking into some places I can volunteer. You know, something that can give me a sense of accomplishment and happiness knowing I helped people. There's a place nearby that houses, as their slogan says, "atypical" children, which from what I gather means children with struggles or disabilities of any kind. I thought that would be an excellent place to start, maybe there are kids there who I can encourage because we share a relatable set of circumstances? Maybe I can even impart the knowledge that being disabled isn't the end of their world as I once thought it was for myself when I was younger.

I would probably have suggested that if you hadn't mentioned it, but I think volunteering would be a really good idea. Several things. 1. I've found, that by helping others, it reverses the flow of psychic energy, from going inwards toward myself and my problems, to going outwards towards concentrating on the problems of others, which reduces my worrying about myself. Years ago I was on a health-type website and went on there with what to me was a horrific problem. When I got on the website, I started looking at the problems of others, and noticed one where I thought I could help that person and tried to do that. Guess what? I never got around to mentioning what my problem was. I was so concerned about the other persons problem, that the energy flow reversed as I was pouring myself out to help that person, and my problem reduced, as a mother's problem reduce when she's trying to help her child. So, as you put energy into these children, your problems will reduce, as the psychic can't concentrate and enlarge your problems, if you're thinking about somebody else's. 2. Your having problems, as I have, will make you a better helper. If the child is telling you about their problems, you can tell them, "Guess what happened to me one time," and tell them about some of your difficulties which lets them see someone else has trouble, and if you can make it, why can't they? 3.I think you ment. in here somewhere ( I now think it's in your post above mine) about feeling sorry for yourself. I use to do that, bad. I was group meeting one time, and when it was my time to talk, I listed every problem I could ever think of. After several minutes, the woman patiently sitting beside me, looked at me and said, "Oh, you were having a pity party. We've all done that." Now, the way she said it, she wasn't angry, she wasn't blaming or scolding, she was just saying, "We all have problems, but we don't all dwell on them." She didn't say that, but that seemed to be what she meant. Well, I can tell you, it worked. She, in effect, embarrassed the heck out of me, but not openly, but in such a way that I never did that again. That is, I never felt sorry for myself again after that. For every time I tried to do that, I would hear that women's voice, and I would see her face, and I couldn't get another "pity party" started in my mind. For that woman was scolding me in a nice way, saying, "Don't spend hours every day feeling sorry for yourself." And as I say, I never did again. That woman's niceness got through to me, got past my guard to my psychic, and put a clamp on my feeling sorry for myself. So, I bring that woman's niceness to you. I don't know how many of the other four or so people in the meeting knew how wonderful of a service she had done for me, but I sure did. She didn't have to be so nice. She didn't have to have done wonders for me, but she did. Of all the self help meetings I ever attended during that year or so, hers was the most beneficial act I was ever the recipient of. If I could do half of what she did for me, I would. 4. I would try to think up other ways to help, also. Like tutoring kids at school. Helping someone learn to read at the library. Helping children at hospitals. Oh, you mentioned about the trouble with bad help, saying , "many following complications brought on by neglectful nurses." As I've mentioned, I have to have people drive me around, and things like that, and some of those people have been nightmares. Sometimes, the ones you bring in for help, are the most hurtful. As we've both said, having handicaps can be a benefit, for we can say to someone else who is having it rough,"Guess what happened to me one time."

That's great that you received such an unexpected benefit from that woman! Sometimes all we need is to be told something very bluntly and honestly, which is something I've lived without for many years. I think maybe people just feel bad for me and want me to have it easy after everything that's happened? Even after all the bad things I've been through thanks to bad nurses, I don't have anything against them. I finally reached a point where I was able to forgive them, but I guess the only person I can't seem to give any slack or forgiveness to is myself. It always seems to be much easier to help/forgive/give advice to everyone else, but when it comes to myself, it's almost impossible to follow my own advice.