Loneliness

When I got married, we had only been dating 6 months. So I know it was fast and it was stupid, but I truly thought we would be together forever and that we were so in love. I'd never been with someone who acted so in love with me. He wanted to have a family with me. But it turns out he was talking to other girls the whole time. I got pregnant right away. I started finding out about the other women while I was pregnant, and kind of ignored it but already started distancing myself from him and resenting him. Right after our twins were born he got worse about it and I was finding stuff out it seemed like every week. Every time he would promise me he would stop and "fix himself". I stayed with him through his deployment to Afghanistan, I was always loyal to him even though I knew he was cheating on me. I was miserable and felt stuck because I never finished school and knew I couldn't support the kids on my own. My self esteem dwindled a little more every time there was a new girl and a new secret... I'd never felt so low in my life. I finally left him when the kids turned three (a few months ago). I just couldn't be with him anymore and I knew it had to end sometime and sooner would be better for the kids. So I moved back to Texas where I'm from, and I'm happier in a way. But now instead of being stuck with him, I'm stuck depending on and living with my parents. I'm 27 with two kids and living with my parents! My husband has not been paying child support, and hasn't shown much interest in even talking to the kids. It makes me so sad for them. I'm going to school again but it is going to be a couple of years still before I have a degree. I can't get a job making more than $11 an hour. I'm just so tired of being stuck. I'm so tired of being lonely. I don't have any friends left here, and at the kind of jobs I can get, I'm not working with the type of people I would spend free time with. I have no one to talk to. When I get depressed and lonely and try to talk to my mom she gets irritated and tells me my life could be so much worse. I know it could but that doesn't mean I don't get depressed. I feel like I'm going to be alone forever. I miss having a partner and someone to share my life with. I miss having friends.