Back together after 30 years

We met in 1980 and dated for 4 years. He also proposed to me but there were problems in our young relationship and we broke up- I was devistated and married a man just because he married someone quickly after we broke up. He had a very distinguished career and I saw him on a TV show about 2 years ago . It had been 28 years since we had spoken but I called him at work to congratulate him. We hit it off on the phone and to make the story short are now back in love and see each other frequently. He said that he knows that he married the wrong woman and we will be married. I have been in a bad marriage for many years and he has also. He has not filed for divorce yet. All children on both sides are grown. His parents and friends know what is going on. I don't want to hear that I should just dump him as he is the only man I have ever really loved. How do I take a firm stand and tell him to file ? Positive thoughts only please. We are both in our late 50's . I can't believe that he won't divorce her but will walk away if he doesn't.

Since his parents and friends know what is going on, can I assume so does his wife? Does your husband know what's going on? Have you filed for divorced yet? If you've divorced your husband, taking a firm stand is easy- be direct and simply ASK him, what's up, what's the plan? Remind him that you'feel that you've been the "side chick" long enough. You said he married "quickly" after you broke up. How quickly is quick? Could it be it was quickly to you? He seems to give you the oldest line in the book "I married the wrong woman," You said he told you he wanted to marry you, but hasn't made any moves in that direction. Maybe he's telling you what you've wanted to hear for the last 28 years- Remember Actions always speak louder than words.

Skinny girl- I so agree with you. He just called me and I Told him exactly how I feel and what I want. You gave me the strength to do so and I thank you very much. To answer your question he met a girl who said she needed a place to stay about a month after stopped formally seeing each other but she has lied about everything during their 28 years of marriage. She even stalked me down where I worked to introduce herself to me and show me the engagement ring . During one of their numerous premarital arguments she threw the ring out of a moving car window. Now- after 29 years of marriage because of my information he has found out that she is a criminal who has committed fraud and forgery. As a 30 year retired state police captain he knows what needs to be done. Thank you for your kind words. I love him more than I could love any man but I don't need a man to define me. Keep talking with me. You have helped me very much. Karen

Karen What did he say about moving forward? Anything different then he's been saying? Have you divorce your husband yet? Strange that she tracked you down to show you her ring, was how you found out they were getting married or her way of saying back off my man? I believe anyone jumping from one marriage/relationship too quickly isn't the best move. I think you have always loved him more than he has loved you. You were the one who reached out to him, you're the one wanting things to change and he seems content to continue to stall. I would back off and focus on YOU. No more pursuing/chasing him, he knows where you stand, you say "I love him more than I could love any man but I don't need a man to define me" You need a man to love you back with no BS period.

Smart woman should be your handle instead of skinny girl . You have told me exactly the truth and I thank you for that.