She wants to leave

I've been married for 17 years, and have two boys 14 and 12. I love my wife, but we have had LOTS of problems communicating from the start...mostly my fault. We went to counseling ten years ago or so,and it made us feel better but didn't really change things. I just kind of accepted that things couldn't improve...they weren't terrible...we didn't fight, but it turns out that was just because she had completely given up. Last Sunday she tells me she is thinking about leaving after Christmas. I'm just so scared...I don't want to lose her, and I don't want to hurt the boys. Mostly I want to make her (us) happy again...but like I said, she seems to have given up so I don't think she will trust me enough to try. Any advice?

Don't give up. We have been married 51 years and seen much trouple, all my fault and I now realise it, but this site has helped in a major way. Basically I was on an ego trip, didn't listen and selfish. I am not suggesting this is you but your family has to be your biggest priority, you realise this and you love her. You can and will be happy again. Good luck

Hi this is my recommendation: although her mind is made up, you still have a couple of weeks to show her some effort to change & your willingness to do the work. I'll preface this by saying when a woman has really had it, the only thing that can change her mind is some form of genuine intervention (I know thus cause I'm one). My advice is to take @ least 3 things she's complained to you consistently about that you can reasonably tackle and show proof of effort. I also would encourage you to revisit counseling even independently because we all have life wounds, regrets & a past that's helped shaped both the positive & negative in us. I also think it would help because it helps fur someone else to point out our problems since we're more likely hear it from a stranger....ultimately, the goal would be for her to join you so you guys can forgive, air problems, find solutions and really healing. Plus I think you can both be truly heard, understood and truly validated when there's a mediator there. I have been married 12 years with 2, preteen boys