My messed up life

Hi, my problem is about my messed up mind and thinking that is originated from my childhood. I have got over the fact that past is past and I have to deal with my problems here and now. But I dont know how, im 23 and the more time goes by the more I realize how incompatible I am with everything around me, socially mainly. When I was 17 I remember how extraverted I was, I had friends, I had fun all the time, but now I withdraw myself more and more because the feeback I get from other people who dont like me. last 2 yrs I have had at least 5 different jobs, jobs I didn't like. When I changed a job then in the beginning people perceived me as normal I suppose, I had a chat with them and everything was okay but everytime after a certain amount of time people realised that im just a messed up minded person. Im not trying express negativity but as things are. I dont care about most things, I have bad manners, I talk bull**** I think the only thing I can be somewhat proud of is my intelligence which I consider above avarage. But as I said I know it all is from when I was a child, I was the last child and there was 6 of us, so I was left aside by my parents because they just didn't have the time for me, my dad never showed me love and never parent me as a dad shuold do. And my mum was cruel because her childhood was worse. As my mum and dad didn't get on my mum tried to fill the dads part of my life but that didn't work out. I don't even care about my parents to be honest. To me this all is such a big ball of negativity that I dont even know what to do... And what I also have realised is that there must be something fundamental missing from my mind that when I try to get better I revert back so easily and give up every time... I know it is sad that my life has evolved this way but I believe there is a solution. what should I do? I dont wanna take my life yet :(

Hi Silent, I read your post this morning and I wanted to respond by giving you a 'signpost' to some free online help. I am a qualified counsellor registered with the Bacp (British association for Counselling and Psychotherapy) and in their magazine this month (Therapy today) was an article about an organization called Kooth. (www.kooth.com) It provides free online counselling for young people aged 11 to 25. Please get in touch with them if you can, as they are a lifeline for when you are feeling down. From what you have written I see that you have a good understanding of why you feel the way you do ..but can't seem to to move forward and change things? Counsellors are trained to help you with this. Clearly you are intelligent and very courageous as you have been battling on all alone, but I hear the despair in your voice and I know you are at an all time low :( You made the first move towards helping yourself by writing your post here ... I urge you to get in touch with Kooth and talk through your troubles with someone who is trained to help. Wishing you all the best from Time Out :)

I do not believe that the past stays in the past. I think that it helps you develop as a person. So whatever happens does affect the present and the future. But this does not mean that your future is permanent. You ultimately decide how you want to live your life. You have to be able to deal with what has happened in the past and accept it in order to be better. This is not easy, and it usually happens in steps. YOUR LIFE WILL NEVER BE 100 PERCENT BAD, SO YOU STILL HAVE HOPE: You have never really given up on yourself. You give up if you take your life, so do not even consider suicide as an option. Suicide is not an answer to your problems because you take away any chance of making your life more positive for yourself. WHERE TO START: First of all, think about when you were 17. There were probably people who didn't like you when you were having fun, but you didn't care because of the fun you were having. What changed? What kind of feedback do you get from others now? Do you want acceptance or do you want to improve your life, because they are not the same thing. If you want to be a better person, people may or may not accept who you are, even if you change for the better. If you want to improve your life, do it for yourself first, because if your primary motivation is to change your life so that other people will like you, then you are not doing it for the right reasons. Now it is fine if you want more friends in your life and you want to get along with others in the way that you used to, but in order to do that you have to first make a commitment to yourself that you will have a better life and you will do your best to make it happen. QUESTIONS: Why didn't you like the jobs you have had? Is there a lack of interest, is it the people you encounter? What things do you care about in life? Is what you are doing now reflective of the things you care about? If not, what can you do to make your life more meaningful for you? SUGGESTIONS: For everything negative in your life, think about some positives. It is impossible for a person to be positive all the time, so just remind yourself that you are valuable. Your life is worthwhile because you live it. You are making your own mark on the world, just by living your life. You are not your parents (you have your own identity). So, you have the choice to either let what happened in your life stop you from being who you want to be, or let what happened help you to become a stronger person. I have confidence in you, so have more confidence in yourself so that you can turn things around. I hope that this has been able to help you. Remember, you are not alone, and if you want to talk some more, just post here. I also encourage you to talk to a counselor or therapist for more support. I hope that I have been helpful to you. TILES