My girlfriend and her ex

Dear Peoples Problems, I’ve been seeing this girl for about 3 months now, and I feel the relationship has really blossomed into something special. We really have fun together and share so much in common, and I think that we really do love and care for each other. We see each other nearly every day and we're even thinking about finding a place to move in together. I'm going to meet her folks soon and she really wants to meet mine. So it's getting pretty serious. Nothing is perfect, however, and there has always been an issue nagging at the back of my mind since the very beginning. The issue of her ex boyfriends. First things first, I have to admit that I am a pretty jealous guy. Secondly is that fact that she’s has been in many more relationships than I have even though she's younger than me. We’re both in our mid twenties, and while I’ve only had one previous serious relationship, she has had 4 or 5. I could look past all of that, but the problem is she is still in contact with one of her exs. Who seems to be her favourite ex. She calls him, he calls her, they talk for a good hour some days even when I’m lying in bed next to her watching a movie together. I have confronted her before about the situation and she insists that he’s “like a brother or best friend” who supports her. I don’t want to risk pushing her further and making her angry. I don't know the details about how or why they broke up, but I do know that they were in a serious relationship for more than a year. He knows all about her family and circle of friends and they all know and like him. He still sends her stuff. He has made her cry on the phone before. He once her lied to her about having a new girlfriend (I’m not sure if the last two points are connected). And another time she told me that he was still in love with her. Then, later, everything is cool and they’re back to being best friends, according to her. She says she loves me and no one else. She says wants to introduce me to her ex because he's such a "nice guy", and hopes that the two of us can hit it off and be friends. My questions are as follows: how long can this go on, and what should I do if can’t handle it? Am I the one being unreasonable, or is there really something strange going on here? How can I tell her how I feel without causing more problems in our relationship? Yours sincerely, Marko

You are being reasonable, but I cannot tell you whether or not something is going on beyond what she is telling you. Her ex is one of her best friends, so it will go on as long as they are friends. You already have problems with this, so you need to let her know about it. It should be okay for her to talk to him, but if you feel uncomfortable about meeting him, then tell her that, especially since he has indicated at one time that he still has feelings for her (this doesn't go away on a whim...). And it also depends on if she is talking with him about the personal details of the relationship you have with her, because if she is, then you can state that you are uncomfortable with that too because if you two have problems with each other, you want her to feel comfortable talking about them with you. No relationship is perfect, so you guys can have bumps in the road and talk about them as they occur. THE SCENARIO: First of all, you may want to discuss with her a hypothetical situation. Ask her how she would feel if you talked with an ex of yours. Would she be ok with that? Even if she said she would be, she would feel some competition. Then what if she met that ex, and she would have to see you and your ex getting along so well...then she would think "They were once together...look at how well they get along...What am I doing here?" It increases the questions and concerns you already have. Of course, she may tell you she wouldn't have a problem with it, and if she says this, tell her that you would have a problem with it. Now, maybe you could meet him if you felt at least 90 percent confident that he won't try to do something to get back with her, but from the way you are talking, I don't think you are that sure. So until you are that confident, you don't want to meet him. WHAT ELSE YOU MAY DECIDE TO TELL HER: You could tell her you need some more time because you are uncomfortable. On the other hand, you could meet him once to get it out of the way, and then decide what you want to do after that. It would show that you trust her. Then again, you may not ever want to get to know him, and that is ok too (it depends on how jealous you usually are). If you don't want to ever meet him, let her know that you respect her friends, but since she was once with him, it would be best if you don't get to know him any better than you already know him. TILES

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