Married and hurt

Ok here I go. I've been in a relationship for 18 years of my life since I was 15 now I'm 32. We have a 11 year old kid together and we got married almost 7 years ago. When I was 17 I experienced my first hurt with him and every since the hurt never stop, every year I dealt with him cheating on me with a different female. Then years later I became pregnant, I didn't get the belly rubs and feet rubs nor the cute dates, he told me he didn't wanna take me anywhere because it was to dangerous and risky while carrying his son. I cried through my whole pregnancy while he cheated. I was always hid doormat he would leave me for months then force himself back in when he seen the grass wasn't as green.3 years ago he left me for 6 months so i started messing around because i was lonely, besides i had never cheated and i got tired of waiting for him.Now years later we are married and home owners. He bring up my past saying he can never trust me, I hurt him and he don't wanna be with me anymore because there is no chemistry.However I know he's back our there messing around because the signs are there. At this point I just don't know what to do should I leave my home? Should I file for divorce? Yes i want my marriage but it takes two to make it work and he has completely checked out, coming in at 2am, texting,social media, I'm lost help me please.

it seems as he doesnt wana work for this marriage..but lisn if u take divorce take the kid with u ... he is not reliable for the kid's good upbringing

Yes i most definitely will, I can't imagine leaving my kid behind his father is a very negative person.

As hard as it is, it sounds like nothing will change. You need to put yourself and your child first. The child will conduct their relationships in accordance to how you two behave. Get out of this toxic relationship for your child's sake at least. It's time to move on. Have you got a get out plan? Someone to stay with? Family? I would think the decision is clear, you just have to work out how to do it. I probably don't need to say that you need to make sure the kid has as much access to their father as they want. Your issues shouldn't effect the child's relationship with you both.