Feeling lost

It has been awhile since I have wrote in here, when I started it was because my ex and I had a breakup and I was lost and devasted. now it has been almost 11 months and we have not gotten back together, which may be good as we were arguing/fighting all the time, didn't trust each other anymore and ya wasn't good. been in therapy to work on my issues, and have been single, altho have been hooking up with guys, drinking too much since we have been apart!! I had a change of heart last month and cut down on drinking a lot!! Take my work seriously, pay more attention to my home life and not looking for a man to fill my time and temporarily my heart!! Now I am looking at my life, making new plans and goals, thinking of returning to school and moving away from here, a fresh start, a new career, all that good stuff. I seem to be stuck on my ex yet tho, there are times I miss him and the good times we had so much!! and I think maybe it could work again. maybe I am just lonely, it was fun to go sow some wild oats and have fun with guys, but now I am wanting a relationship again, and I know I will not find it at a party or with a random hookup!! its like I finally see life is about living and pursuing goals and facing my problems instead of drinking them away. A little impatient to find the one guy that I could possibly be with, mind you I know more what I do want from a man, to work, not be a party boy, to have values and be more responsible. So tired of guys all like hey baby on my email, the ones I am not interested in of course!! Yes I could talk to them , converse, but I do not want to lead them on. So feeling down today, wondering if I can find love, I don't want to settle, it has to be fantastic, happy , easy, but does that really exist in this day and age anymore? I just don't know anymore!!

I totally understand my situation is similar, however I plan to just chill out by myself getting to know myself again and most importantly making myself happy. Relationships become very difficult and I just don't wanna feel that hurt again. You have to be mentally prepared however you should let it come to you don't go looking.

Ending a relationship in very hard thing to do and you have to allow time to grieve that loss. That's it time and in that time you have good days and bad days. The bad days will get less and less.Allow yourself to feel the pain, of missing them, and remember how far you have come, think about WHY you left and trust that. Think of it as growing pains. I get where you are at am at a similar place. It can be overwhelming transitioning from a part of your world where things were routine,in the relationship it may not have been perfect but it had a comfort a certainty, otherwise you would have stayed there. Then to uncertainty and so many options and potentials. Its scary, is the grass is greener yes but it is still green, its adjustment period and it will take time. I wonder alot too about finding the right person. So does most people its human nature. You are starting in the correct place and that is the working and focusing on the relationship you have with yourself. Learning to enjoy your own company is a positive thing. They say that when you are not looking that is when they cross you path.

@ IN pain : "you should let it come to you don't go looking". these lines were gold dusk. Well u r right i ll recomend this girl to get normal with her life and alow the pain to get along , well timw heals evrrything ... And cycle of replacement is the biggest truth of life so i recomend u to start ur school amd enjoy wid GOOD frds , avoid drinking as its not good for ur health, and i ll recommd u to write after every twoh mnth here and tell us about ur progress , u ll surely feel a diff in ur thoughts each day and trust me "like me " u will also b lafing at ur nonsense thots sumday :-) btw wat do u mean by "change of heart"?

I guess its not really a change of heart I had, more of a moment of clarity, that I cannot live my life the way I was, drinking every few days and still working but not giving 100% to work or home and just being lost little girl who drinks her problems away. I have changed, and think I can give up the drinking, going overboard for sure :D I am taking steps to returning to school this year and moving away, this will give me better job opportunities and better prospects for dating. Set my standards for what I want and follow them!! The harder thing will be letting go of my ex, as we do email each other pretty much everyday, although we haven't seen each other since last summer. For now, its only going to be me working on me, health wise, spiritually, at work and get back to working out and eating right!! I will keep posting here, with updates or anything else, thank you all for your advice, I do appreciate it!!