What would you do if you were in my shoes?

I'm 21, and I flunked out of community college twice. I work in retail and I hate it; you think it would encourage me to do better in life, but it doesn't. I don't have my life together, and it's been exactly one year since I attended any kind of higher education, and my doesn't make the situation any easier. She wants me to move out(or at least act like I want to). But I don't have the money to or have any reliable friends to move out with. She always ask me, what would I do if she die? Since I flunked out of college, I have to payout of pocket or get a private loan because I lost my financial aid(my parents can't afford to help me). Most of my friends will be graduating next year and I have yet to complete a full year of college. I don't care if I live or die anymore; it's to the point of try anything anymore. Why should I try to look good if no one notices me? Why should I help people if my work is never good enough for them. I don't know why but I hate myself and the life has been sucked out of me. Even though I'm saving money, I feel like it's never enough to move out, go to college and be an actual adult. In many aspects I still feel like an 8 year old, and hopefully one day I grow up, or everything just falls into place. How to get my life together? How to stop being a failure? Or being afraid to fail?

Hi there. I have been where you are, sorta. I am 20. I went to a private university, but my parents would not help me. When I feel out on my butt, they told me I was not allowed to come home at all. They did not care that I would be living under a bridge. Well I was at a dinner for a friends birthday and a mutual friend of ours was there. She asked me how everything was going. I opened up. that night she went to her parents. A month later I became their third child. They were able to help me get a job, were I give out free samples all day at a store. I do not drive or have a license. I feel like I have failed everyone that has even been there. I thought I would never get back to school because I am way over my head in debt. Enough about me. Sometimes moms want the best for their children and they are scared to see them not excised with their dreams. And working in retail can be horrible, it does not give you a lot of progress. You may not see someone notice you but people do. And you never know, maybe a future employer my notice you, and if you are in a mood about not caring what you look like they could remember that. You can not improve yourself if you wake up everyday and look in the mirror and not like what you see. Change something, does not have to be something big, about yourself. You could get a new hair cut to give you a boost. or maybe you could start on a new workout. There is endless options. You can never loos hope because there is always something right in your reach that you may not see. Everything that happens, good and bad, happen for a reason. The bad always works out for the good, and you may not see that till years down the road. My friends mom found an awesome online school. It is tuition free, you pay for final exams which are 100$ a piece. I only have 40 final exams for my Bacholars Degree. So I will only spend 4000. They also have Scholarships in play if you have a financial problem that you can not pay for the final exams. It is called University of People. The next sign up deadline is by Feb. 25, 2016. You should look into it, maybe that can help you. I hope I was of some help. And I am here if you need to talk. Thank you for allowing me to help, PrettyKitty1029